


The Last One Standing

by SilverWolf7



Category: Doctor Who, Homestuck
Genre: Anger, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Character Death, Crying, Doomed Timelines, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Grief/Mourning, Headcanon, Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Panic Attacks, Pesterlog, Psychological Trauma, Puberty, Rage, Survivor Guilt, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-10 03:06:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 52,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1154017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverWolf7/pseuds/SilverWolf7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor wasn't even aware that the Alternian Troll existed any longer until he runs into Karkat Vantas, left alone in a lab on a meteor with only the dead for company.  Knowing how hard it is to be the last one of your kind, the Doctor takes the boy with him.  </p><p>Taken out of the game's playing field changes everything.  Dream bubbles are still a thing but everything else...  Thank God he's in the same reality as the Kids!  But if someone is taken out of a doomed timeline, are they still doomed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I decided to post this story here as well as on my ff.net account. I will be adding chapters one a day until I catch up, since the next chapter (number 11 :P) is almost done now. This story has quite a bit of my personal headcanon in it, for both Doctor Who and Homestuck, but mainly Homestuck, and most of it centering on the romance and biology of the Trolls.
> 
> There is now a blog for news of this story and delays that may be met etc. http://the-last-one-standing-news.tumblr.com/

The TARDIS landed with a thump and, with a flare of energy that was wasted as no one was there to see it, the Doctor threw wide the doors and stared.

He was in a room. Well, of course he was in a room. He was either in a room or outside and this was definitely indoors. What was surprising was how oddly empty the whole place felt. He hadn’t been to a place that seemed this devoid of life since...well, since he had been left on his own by Amy and Rory.

He was still getting used to the inside of the TARDIS being empty except for him. It was very lonely, but he understood he’d find himself a companion sooner or later. He always did. But right now he was just drifting wherever the TARDIS felt he had to go on his own. Usually that involved helping individuals.

None seemed right to him so far, but hey, that will change soon enough.

He just had to find the right individual.

Stepping out of the TARDIS he looked around. Metal walls, metal floors, computers against the walls and a transporter in the middle of the room to lead somewhere else.

“Alright sexy, let’s see where this leads hey?” he said, shutting the door behind him and taking off towards the transporter.

It took him to a smaller room with two empty chests and two more transporters. Scratching his head, he turned to one of them, and went to wherever it would take him. It took him to a room filled with transporters. Only one was active, above it floated a holographic image of the Earth astrological sign of Cancer. 

“Well, looks like there’s only one way to go then,” he said out loud to himself in an urge to hear something other than the silence that seemed to be everywhere in whatever the heck this place was.

The first thing he thought when he used the machine to get to the next place was a relaxing ‘oh thank God, I’m not alone any longer’ the next thought was ‘I hear someone crying’. Following the noise, he soon found the person the noise was coming from.

Leaning down he looked at the sight in front of him and frowned. “Hello? I’m the Doctor, is there anything I can do to help?”

The boy looked up and the Doctor raised an eyebrow at him. He had only managed to see a mess of black hair and what had looked like short nubby bony protrusions from the head before. Then he saw the grey skin and the teeth of a species he thought to be myth. 

Well, the purple everywhere now made sense. It was blood. And judging from the red tears this kid was crying it was not his.

He doesn’t answer with words, just shakes his head and holds the other one closer. The source of the purple blood is coming from the one he holds. Taller and with towering horns coming out of his head, this is more what he imagined an Alternian Troll to look like. That one was clearly very much dead now. 

They sat there on the floor until tears stopped and exhaustion took over. And still the smaller living one didn’t let go of his friend or fall asleep. Instead he glared at him. “You can’t be human. What the fuck are you doing here?!” he asked. The voice was harsh and scratchy and hoarse. He must have been screaming bloody murder earlier.

“No, I’m not human. And I just arrived here on my ship. What happened here?”

He looked down at his dead friend and back up at him. “He went fucking nuts. Began killing everyone. I...I had no choice. I didn’t know what else to do...”

Oh.

Oh...

“You were close I take it?”

The boy nodded. “He was my fucking moirail. I thought I could keep him in line, but I guessed wrong didn’t I? Fuck! I’m a pathetic loser alright? And past me was even worse than present me.”

Okay, this kid was in definite need of more help he could give if he actively thought anything he did in the past was done by someone else that just happened to look and act like him. “Er...”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, past me is me. It just...became a thing. An interesting memo system meant that I ended up yelling at myself from the past or future a lot. It became a thing. I know they’re all me. Don’t even bother fucking saying it....”

“You’re repeating yourself.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry if it insults your all high and mighty powers of fucking thinking. I’m holding the body of my dead moirail. I could really use my moirail right now, considering his body is in my hands. Talk about a hell of a double reach around...fuck...”

The Doctor knew that if he wasn’t exhausted beyond tears he would have just started crying again. Well, this was a brilliant situation the TARDIS had landed him in this time. “Is there anyone else here still alive?”

The boy shook his head sadly, before gripping his dead moirail even closer and began to slowly rock. Right, shock, he should really get a blanket or something to put over the poor fellow. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get you something to help with the shock.”

Making his way back to the TARDIS, the Doctor stopped to investigate the other transporters. He concluded each one seemed to lead to another room, each one coinciding with an astrological sign. All twelve were there. The purple one the same as the blood he had just been subjected to happened to come from Capricorn. Hmm. It didn’t mean much now, but it may in the future. He stored that information away in his brain, before retracing his steps back to the TARDIS and found a blanket by the door waiting for him.

“Oh, good girl. Guess it is our duty to help him. I can’t leave him here on his own like this. I may have to bring the dead one too though.”

He made his way slowly back to the kid, wanting to give him a bit of time alone to at least try and compose himself a bit better. When he got back, the boy was sitting up against the wall and no longer holding the dead one. He was hugging his knees close and shivering.

“Here. I got you a blanket. You should keep warm and keep talking. It will help with the shock.”

Young as he was, the look of determination to do the exact opposite of what was said was standing out quite plainly in his eyes. The Doctor sighed, walked over to him and sat down by his side, carefully missing the blood pooled on the floor. He carefully draped the heated blanket over shaking shoulders and watched as small, yellow clawed hands reached out to pull it closer.

“Fine. Thanks...”

So, he could have manners if he chose to use them. Not that he could really blame him for being angry at the world. Alternia he had managed to learn from his studies in the Academy had been one hell of a harsh world.

But Alternia was never there. He had no idea what had happened for that to be true. It was a mystery to all. The information gathered on the planet came from second hand knowledge from humans in an alternate timeline. If he tended to over think things he may start thinking of his own dead planet. He understood exactly how that felt.

“Come on, I’ll take you somewhere safe. Umm, where exactly are we anyway, I kind of have no idea, the systems in my ship are going all wonky on me.”

“How the fuck can you not know where we are? You’re in the Void between universes you idiot. Time and Space are all fucked up here. Nothing but endless darkness and Horrorterrors.”

Raising an eyebrow at the swearing, but deciding to let the language go if it helps calm him down, the Doctor thought on that. “Hmm, between universes. That’s interesting. Alright, well, we’ll find our way to a universe then, any will do me just fine.”

The kid just stared at him. He blinked in return. “We can bring your dead moirail if you want. You can put him in stasis and bury him somewhere on a planet.”

The boy looked at his dead friend, sighed and shook his head. “No. Leave him here with the others. It seems more fitting, somehow.”

“Alright. Come on then, off we go. You can keep the blanket until we get inside. She can change the temperature to suit your needs.”

They got up and made their way back to the first of the transporters. The boy was dragging his feet, almost reluctant to leave and he didn’t know if it was because he was leaving his dead friends behind, or from the shock. At least the shivering was less pronounced. The poor kid will be able to sleep as soon as the worst of it had stopped. He looked like he could use some uninterrupted sleep.

“My ship!” he stated, waving his hand at the TARDIS. “She may not look like much on the outside, but she is dimensionally transcendental, bigger on the inside. She will give you a room you’ll be comfortable in and help with translating alien languages. She’s also very telepathic. She won’t use it to spy on you in private or anything, she tends to leave you alone for the most part, mainly just setting up connections for translations and things like that. But, she will take what you like and make a suitable bedroom for you.”

The boy just stared at him blankly. “Do you ever shut up?”

“Sorry, I tend to ramble sometimes. Tell me to shut up if I start, I won’t take it personally, even if you mean it as such. I’m quite fond of my ship. Is there anything you’re overly fond of? She can make it happen.”

The boy blushed slightly and shifted from foot to foot. “Umm, I like movies. I can go on for ages on the quadrants and romance. It’s...kind of my thing I suppose, if you can call it a thing. The others made fun of me for my love of romcoms.”

“Well, there is a rec room available too, with any and all romcoms that you could want, though, mind you, none from your planet. I think we’re from different universes. That would actually explain quite a bit now that I think of it.”

The boy rubbed at his head and sighed. “I just want to sleep right now. I’m really tired.”

Nodding, the Doctor quickly and hoping he didn’t startle the lad, threw a hand over his shoulders and steered him inside. “Yes, you look like you’re about to fall down from exhaustion. We’ll find you a room and you can sleep. Oh, introductions! I already told you I’m the Doctor. Who are you?”

The boy froze for a moment. “You’re not related in any way to Doc Scratch are you?”

Confused and showing it on his face, he shook his head. “I am not even sure who Doc Scratch is, unless you’re talking about a pool term, but I can assure you that it probably has something to do with your universe and not mine.”

The boy nodded with a scowl on his face, before nudging himself further into his blanket. “Karkat.”

“Well, Karkat, welcome to the TARDIS. She’ll take care of your bedding needs. Food will be in the kitchen. If there is no milk, we’ll have to stop somewhere to get more. I drink tea. Do you drink tea?”

Karkat blinked up at him and shrugged. Grey and yellow eyes were looking droopy, so the Doctor grinned at him and once again steered the boy about. “Rooms are down this corridor here. The TARDIS can and will move rooms around, but just ask and she should point you in the right direction. If she’s being nice she won’t let us hunt for the room she has made you.”

“You speak like the fucking ship is alive or something...”

“She is.”

“Oh...okay...I think.”

“Bathrooms are private, don’t worry about that. Have I already said that? I may have already said that.”

Shaking his head, Karkat buried himself even further into the blanket and, taking the hint, the Doctor led him down the corridor. The first door they came across had the boy’s name etched on it, with the symbols of the four card suits. 

The Doctor watched as Karkat reached a hand up to touch the words, and symbols. “No one can come in but me?”

“There should be a lock if you like your privacy that much.”

Nodding, Karkat opened the door and entered the room. It was dark, but that was to be expected, from the little he knew of the species, the Alternian Troll was nocturnal by nature. Something to do with the brightness of their sun. He watched as the kid took in the room and looked around it himself. There was a bed that looked to be a thick skinned waterbed, which was original for the TARDIS. Usually she liked making non watery things in case they burst. One wall was stacked with bookshelves filled with what looked like romance novels from different planets. Well, the kid did say he liked romance so that was normal. There was also a desk with a laptop on it. It was all in red, black and grey.

“If this has anything I wanted, why is there a bed and not a recuperacoon instead?” Karkat asked, pointing to the offending piece of furniture.

“I don’t even know what that is.”

“It’s what we sleep in. It’s a hollowed out cubicle with sopor slime inside, it stops us from dreaming. We kind of have this awful fucked up past, and the whole damn species suffers nightmares because of it. It helps us to sleep. Not that there’s anyone left of my species but me anymore...”

“I think the reason why you don’t have one of them is because the TARDIS doesn’t like the thought of the slime. But you won’t need it anyway, and why she gave you a waterbed suddenly makes more sense. It will simulate as best it can being submerged in a liquid, but instead you’ll be on top of a liquid. The TARDIS will make sure you have a dreamless sleep for a bit. She will stop that as it is important you come to terms with what has happened and dreams are the usual way for that process to take place. No wonder your species is so aggressive. The last bit you said I’ll talk to you later about. Just know I know how that feels.”

He made it a point not to pick Karkat up on his use of swear words which were drifting around in his otherwise normal speech patterns. If the TARDIS wasn’t making a big deal out of it, it is probably a hard habit he had gotten into very young which would be hard to break. 

He had heard much worse cursing before, anyway.

Watching the boy as he walked over to one of the bookshelves and pick out a book, he left him to it. Closing the door he heading towards his own room to go think. If what Karkat said was true and he really was the last of his species, he really had his work cut out from him. It was hard enough to deal with being as old as he was when it had happened and the only other person he had known and travelled with who had gone through the death of her species and world was Nyssa, and she had roomed with Tegan who had helped her deal with it, especially during the nights.

Karkat was much younger. At a guess, he had only recently entered puberty. A volatile enough time as it is. With this on top of it...

Well, things as they say, were about to get interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will alternate between the Doctor and Karkat for the most part. Others later on may focus on other characters.

Chapter Two

Karkat heard the door close behind him and he peeked around the book he had picked up to see that the Doctor had indeed left and wasn’t hanging around his new respite block like an overly devoted lusus. He kind of liked it, the room that is. But it was so not like any self respecting troll would have. 

Not that he was exactly the best troll there was, he had spent most of his life before the game had been started hiding in his hive, terrified someone would find out his blood colour. An instant culling that certain piece of information would have earned him.

Thankfully, he had made friends that didn’t really care about the hemocaste and followed his lead, regardless of blood colour. Sure Equius had been a bit stiff about it, but that guy was just plain creepy when it came to his obsession with the caste system, and Eridan could be a bloody shit stain when it came to thinking anyone one under his colour was utterly ripe for the culling forks.

But there had been Gamzee, the highest of the land dwelling castes who didn’t give a crap about who was higher or lower. He was basically friends with anyone who was there, except when he was going batshit insane and killing everyone. And Feferi, the highest caste there was had been a total sweetheart. Her idea of culling someone was giving them a hug and chatting to them.

All dead now. 

Shaking his head to get rid of that last thought, he took the book, a human romance novel, to the bed. Slowly, as he wasn’t sure what to expect, he sat on the piece of furniture and was surprised and somewhat relieved when the bed started moving in slow wavy motions. Waterbed, right, a thick hide filled with water by the look of it. He shouldn’t puncture it with his claws. He laid down on it with the book, the only light on in the room a small bedside lamp. 

He tried to concentrate on the book, he really did. He had read a few human romance novels since he had found out about the species and though they were plain and simple with only one quadrant for the most part, he enjoyed the simplicity. His concentration though was nothing, and the gentle rocking of the bed, mixed with his calming mind after the hellish few days he had been through was enough to put him to sleep.

It wasn’t until he woke up hours later that he noticed he had forgotten to lock the door behind him. The lamp had been switched off and a blanket had been thrown over him. The book he had started to read was neatly on the bedside table. He definitely hadn’t fallen asleep like that, so that meant the Doctor had been in here and did it while he slept.

He was very uncomfortable with that thought. He liked his privacy. And he didn’t like unexpected visitors. He especially didn’t like the thought of people around him when he was so vulnerable. Anything could happen. It was a miracle he had woken up at all!

Terror at what could have happened to him gave way to anger and he threw the blanket off, stalked out into the corridor and set off in the same direction he had been sent yesterday when he had gotten on the ship. Soon he was back in the main room, with all its stairs and the weird column in the middle that was busy now moving up and down.

He thought it looked like some sort of depraved sex toy. He’d read about them in one of his more erotic books. Once he had moved his eyes away from the glass like beads inside the column, he turned his sights on the newest bane of his existence and anger turned to rage.

“What the fuck part of wanting privacy don’t you understand, you fucking nook sniffing bulge licker.”

The Doctor looked surprised to see him there. “Well, hello to you too. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“I’m amazed I woke up at all, considering someone decided it would be nice to go into my room while I fucking slept and do god knows what to me. What the fuck did you do? Why did you do it? And never, ever dare do it again, or I will gut you with my sickles!”

He saw understanding light up in the Doctor’s eyes. Before they closed and the man sighed. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I keep forgetting that you’re not just a child but one that has not only been through a lot the past few days, but who lived on a very dangerous world. I don’t know much about your species, and what I do know is all second hand. You have every right to be angry with me.”

“Yes, I do! Just...leave my respite block alone. It’s mine. I don’t like people snooping about my things. Even if they are made by your crazy fucking ship out of thin air.”

“She doesn’t make anything out of thin air, except the rooms themselves. She has endless space in here. She takes real copies. People then tend to think they’ve lost their copy wherever she had taken them from. She’s a bit of a kleptomaniac, my old girl.”

For some reason this actually makes him less angry and perks his interest. “They’re all real books?”

“Every single one of them. Have a whole lot more too. Got a universe full of books in the Library. Those were the ones she thought you would have an immediate interest in reading.”

He barked out a laugh and coughed afterwards. Lately his voice had been breaking. Fucking embarrassing. At least it wasn’t as bad as some of the other boys. Gamzee had loved every second of it. His moirail had been one hell of a weird guy though, so that was pretty much normal. Good news about that was soon he’d have a growth spurt. About fucking time! That may be a bit problematic without a supply of sopor slime though...

“How long has that been going on?”

“Has what been going on?”

“Your voice breaking. I can give you something to ease your throat if it is irritating you to coughing, though it shouldn’t.”

“It’s fucking fine. And not long. A few days. Not that it’s any of your business. Mainly it’s just kind of embarrassing you know?”

He got a chuckle out of that one. Bastard, was he laughing at him? “Most boys in existence feel that way, and I was definitely one of them. I was early. It was hell.”

“I was the youngest in my group of twelve. Six boys, six girls. Not necessarily the slowest to reach this point but...fuck, why am I even telling you this? Shut up, I’m fine, it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t feel like anything, it’s a damn noise. That’s it, the end.”

The Doctor sighed and came around the console towards him. “I’m trying to figure out a time frame. You may be suffering from mood swings, and given your past...that’s going to be not very helpful at all. So, are you normally angry, or is this new?”

“It’s pretty much my default setting since you need to know so much. This is me toning it down. I just...I needed something, you know? To protect me and I naturally am easily frustrated and kind of...annoyed and grouchy. Everything was just so fucking unfair. I could barely leave my hive, because I was so fucking scared out of my mind someone would immediately just know my blood colour and cull me on the spot. You have no idea, none at all what my life has been like!”

Hands were up in the air and patting before his face. A sure sign the Doctor was retreating. “I know that. You don’t have to worry about me not knowing that. Believe me, while I may not understand, I do know the kind of world you have lived on and have seen what that does to people.”

He nodded before he took a deep breath and another before running his hands through his hair and growling. “Ugh, I need to go somewhere quiet and calm down...”

“There are gardens in the TARDIS. A gym, your room, a library, the rec room. Feel free to just wander around anywhere really. It’s all up for grabs.”

He blinked at that one. “You mean absolutely anywhere I can go, no off limits?”

“Sure! Just, no playing with the console here, unless you want to blow us all up, and even then the TARDIS will more than likely stop that from happening if you did decide you wanted to do that. Please don’t. I like being alive.”

He shook his head at that, and took off down a corridor before another word could be said. If this was to be his new home, then he wanted to explore it. Maybe he could find somewhere to make his own secret place. He liked the thought of having some place to go when he wanted to hide away. It beat the hell out of going off to sulk on the horn pile. And it could be made a whole lot more comfortable too. 

Thinking of those stupid horns just made him think of Gamzee and that was bad territory to be in. He had just spent what felt like half of the day before in hysterical tears, he refused to cry again now. He’d wait for when he was alone in his room with the door safely locked behind him for that.

Better still if he found himself a secret place, maybe there he could use it as an escape away from the Doctor and a quiet place to grieve his losses in private. It was kind of obvious the Doctor had no idea what privacy was. It was highly unsettling to him to say the least. He had very high standards when it came to his privacy.

He found the library and almost stayed in there just to see what kinds of books he could find just lying around, but instead he wandered back out, content in knowing that there was a place he could go to read if he wanted to. He liked his romance novels for sure, and he liked code books, especially if they were for computers, not that he was any good at it, not like Sollux had been. God, Sollux, the stupid fuck had killed himself for absolutely no reason...

Dave and Rose had failed to destroy the sun. They had seen an explosion and thought they had succeeded and Sollux had died getting them there using his crazy as fuck psionic powers. They had been met up by Aradia telling them that something went wrong and that they were in a doomed timeline and she was going back to fix it. 

For everyone else it had been a doomed timeline. He had been saved from some kind of fucked up death by the Doctor. Probably Jack would have found him and killed him. Again. Fucking brilliant. As if the first time hadn’t been the biggest betrayal in his life to date. 

He had been through so much lately that he either spent his spare time crying or screaming at others. And now he was alone because the Doctor was god knows where and he was getting himself lost. Not that he believed the ship would let him stay lost, and he really felt like he should turn back around and go to his room now. He was getting a bit too overemotional and needed to lie down to stop the blinding headache he could feel coming on in his think pan.

It was at that time that a door caught his eye. It wasn’t his door with his name and the quadrants on the front. No, it was just a simple wooden number. Slowly, he opened it and found one of the gardens the Doctor had told him was in the TARDIS. The plants were all dead, but the soil was still there and looked ready for more things to be planted, not that he in any way was a gardener. That had been Jade’s thing. And he really didn’t want to think of her right now...

It was a small round room, and the trellises in the centre were rotting away with dead vines choking them. He frowned. He really felt the need to clean that shit up. He ignored it to continue his short look around the room. It was then that he spotted it. It wasn’t much really, just a slight indent in one of the rocks in the wall, but when he got it out of the way, he found a cubby hole that was filled with blankets. 

Maybe an animal slept in here at one stage. Well, it was gone now. Long abandoned by the looks of it. Slowly, he pulled out the blankets and shook off the dust, coughing a bit, before putting them back in the hole. Taking a peek towards the door, he slowly lowered himself to his hands and knees, crawled into the cubby and curled himself up on the somewhat cleaner blankets.

It was comfortable and dark. It was hidden away if the TARDIS didn’t show the Doctor where it was and it was therefore private. It would do for a getaway place. A little hidey hole to come when things got too much for him to stand and he couldn’t put up with the Doctor.

He would go get himself some fresh blankets though, these ones were god awful and still caked in dirt. A nice, comfortable pile of clean blankets sounded quite nice right then.

“You better not tell the Doctor where this is, or I will hit that self destruct button on purpose...” he stated out loud, not even knowing if the ship could understand him.

A comforting thrum in his mind let him know that she got the message. Having a telepathic guardian, like all Lusi were, he was used to that kind of gentle mind contact. And at least he knew that the TARDIS was going to keep his secret place a secret. She was definitely friendly in his head.

The Doctor may annoy the hell out of him, but at least his ship was cool.

He crawled back out, his mind already more in a better place, now he had found himself a getaway place to come to. Thankfully he wasn’t angry anymore. Taking that as a good sign that he wouldn’t just explode in the Doctor’s face again if he was to face him, Karkat exited the small garden room and made his way back to his respite block. 

He would get that book read today. It was his set goal. For now at least. Later, he’d probably try and see if Trollian worked on this laptop, since he left his husktop on the damned meteor. If not...well, he could crawl under the blankets on his new bed and fucking cry. 

God, he was just...so depressed when he stopped and thought about shit like that... he was 6 sweeps old, he should not be suffering like this. He should be off trying to fill his Quadrants like any other 6 sweeps old new teen. 

Fuck, now he remembered why he tended to stay angry. Angry was easy, this sadness was like a weight that would drag him down, hold him under the water and choke him to death.

He did what he always did in these situations. He began hyperventilating. He was so stupid when it came to things like this. His own emotions always got to him. If he didn’t freeze, he completely went into meltdown mode or ran like a coward. 

So stupid.

He stopped walking and slid down the nearest wall to hug his knees and keep his head down. He really needed to catch his breath. If he didn’t he was going to be in full panic mode in roughly a minute and he hated panic attacks.

And as was always his luck in such situations, someone had to catch him in the act. He felt the Doctor’s arm around his shoulders and he flipped out. “No! Go away! Don’t touch me! Don’t...fuck, please, don’t. Don’t.”

“Hey, shh, it’s okay, you’re having a panic attack. It will pass, do you want me to let go of you, or do you want me to stop doing something else?”

“Yes! Fuck...yes, just...let me go. I need to breathe. Can’t breathe...”

The arms wrapped around him disappeared and it didn’t lower his panic levels like he thought it would. He whimpered and buried his head further between his knees. He was such a stupid idiotic coward. No wonder everyone was dead, with him as their leader. 

Now, of course, he was fucking crying again. Always with the fucking tears! He really, really hated himself sometimes.

To top it off he felt someone else join them in the hallway, sitting down beside him, not touching, and just...kind of being there in the background. He didn’t bother raising his head until he could breathe again, though he hadn’t yet quite stopped the tears. It was a woman. He instantly liked her hair. It reminded him of a mix between Gamzee and Aradia. All wild and thick.

“River, Karkat. Karkat, this is River, my wife.”

She smiled at him and he scowled back. He was calmed down further when she didn’t take offence and laughed instead. “Oh, this one has heart. I like him already, sweetie.”

“River is an archaeologist. She studied mythology quite extensively too, and other odd beliefs. Your people crop up in Earth history at one point, but not for very long. It’s the only reason I recognised you. I...sort of basically slept through most of my classes on your species, whenever they popped up, because, well, I was more interested in the humans to be honest. Sorry about that.”

He just stared at the Doctor, before turning his head back to River. “What do you know?”

She shook her head. “Not much. I know that you have a much more complicated romance system than humans, with your four quadrants, and I know a bit about them all, though my info could be wrong. I also know of your hemocaste system and the order. I know that it was a tough world to have lived on. I also know of your lusus guardians. And about the mother grub. But that’s it.”

“That’s...basically it really. I mean, considering the world we lived on, the only really fucked up people in my group were Vriska and Eridan.”

“What about the one you killed?”

He shook his head. “Gamzee...he was usually so docile. He hated hurting people, and liked being friends with everyone, which is fucked up in itself, considering his blood was purple. I mean the killing spree he went on after we got stuck on that fucking meteor was actually normal for his caste. But no, he killed us because someone decided to break his religious beliefs and he had a break down in the form of a psychotic break. It’s kind of fucked up that we were moirails, since he should have wanted nothing more than to kill me on sight if things were all normal with his think pan.”

“You were forced into killing your moirail?”

He nodded. It was all the response he felt ready to give right then. He wasn’t about to explain why he had done it. That would break him.

“Right, anyone care to tell me exactly what a moirail is, because I am kind of getting lost here...” The Doctor stated, and the confusion was definitely there in his voice. Too bad he wasn’t in the right mindset to actually talk about that certain quadrant right now, otherwise he may have been able to calm down fully.

“It’s sort of like a platonic soul mate. Moirails make sure the other one is in good health, usually. Mentally and physically. They are there to discuss and help the other through any problems they may have. They keep each other in check. They have a special knack of calming each other down. Kid, you really are in quite the jam aren’t you?”

He was not in any kind of jam, this place as far as he knew was jam free. “I want my moirail. I need my moirail. I need him here with me. Gamzee...fuck, why?!”

This time when arms wrapped around him, he welcomed the embrace given, because he needed it right then, and because it also wasn’t coming from the Doctor who he’d never choose in any quadrant. 

They were both adults, which was weird, but hey, he’d take what he could get where he could get it, since his options weren’t exactly the best right now. His mind latched on to the one thing it could, and clung to the woman holding him. 

It took him a half hour to calm himself down after that. He had difficulty in stopping himself from crying right now, and screw them if they bought it up with him.

“Alright now?” River asked, and he nodded when it was appropriate. His throat was raw and sore.

“Can you please get your claws out of my sides then? That hurts. I only have soft squishy human skin, you know.”

“Oh, fuck, sorry.” He removed his hands from around her, and was instantly feeling guilty when he saw blood on his fingers. “I didn’t mean to do that, I swear. I didn’t want to do that!”

She reached up her own hands and started moving them through his hair, and it was enough to get him to relax a bit. She wasn’t angry at him. That was good. “I understand that. Sometimes we do stupid things when we’re not thinking. But hey, we do stupid things when thinking too, and those are usually much worse. So forget about it. It was not something you had any control over at that moment.”

He nodded. Fuck. Things were happening way too fast here. He needed time alone to sort out his feelings. Gamzee had not been dead for a full day and he was already replacing him? Yet again, given how much he was in desperate need of a moirail right now, it figured his mind would immediately latch on to the first available target who seemed to be good in the role. 

“I need to go lie down. I have a headache. And I kind of feel sick...”

Kind of was an understatement. He felt like he was going to vomit. Shit, fuck. Nope, he was going to vomit. “I’m going to be sick...”

He crawled as far as he could away from them before what was left of his lousy little meal from the day before showed itself again. Most of the time he spent dry heaving, and his poor nutrition sack couldn’t take that for long without cramping on him and causing even more discomfort.

Hands were on his back and he let them rub him into a pile of goo that could be considered contentment if he didn’t feel like the world was collapsing around him. Again.

“I’m sorry. Does the ship care that I just made a mess of her insides?”

“She doesn’t mind. She likes you.”

He closed his eyes, cocked his head to the side and listened. Taking the cue, he heard the TARDIS again sing softly in his head, not angry at him. He relaxed further. “Fine. I want to go back to my block now and lie down. My head is fucking killing me...”

“Alright. I’ll walk you to your room. With any luck it should be close by.”

He grunted. “Better right in front of me, but I do need to move. I’m cramping...” Of all the stupid luck in Paradox Space, his voice cracked harshly on the cramping. Ow, damn it. He closed his eyes and sighed. “I hate my life right now. I just...hate everything.”

“I’ll go get you some water,” the Doctor replied before disappearing off in the opposite direction he and River had begun waking in. She kept one hand on his shoulder, keeping him from stumbling and on his feet. Not that he needed the help, really. He just needed the contact so he knew right then he wasn’t alone. At least this River was keeping him grounded. That more than anything made him begin to come out of the panic and relax slightly more than he had been since his thoughts had taken their decidedly bad turn.

He was going to make it to his block, he was going to lie down and rest his head for a while, and then he was going to finish his book like he planned. Maybe if he was up to it, he’d take some blankets to his new hidden pile. 

He was going to make it through this. He’d do it for Gamzee and the others. 

He had to make it through this for them.

It was just so fucking hard...

He kept repeating silently to himself the walk to his respite block that it would get easier. All he needed was time. Too bad he wasn’t a Time player. His aspect was Blood. He still had no idea what that meant.

Maybe he was destined to be the last Troll to survive.

It didn’t get much more ironic than that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some Doctor/River.

Chapter Three

The Doctor took his time when it came to getting a simple glass of water, hoping that a bit of time alone in the dark, or with River would help ease Karkat’s mind a bit. He knew what losing your world and friends felt like. He lived with that pain himself every day and would for however long he lived. 

He hated that someone so young had to go through that same kind of pain. And he was more sensitive about it too. Karkat had informed him that he used anger as a shield against other emotions, but at least he knew that for the most part that was not how he truly was. He felt closer to the poor kid when he was crying his heart out over his losses.

He was beginning to think the real Karkat hidden under all that anger was just as much a scared boy as any other person his age would be with such huge changes pushed on him. As any person any age would be. He was still searching fruitlessly for forgiveness for what he had done to his people and planet during the Time War. He’d never get it.

Hmm, was it possible Karkat blamed himself for what happened? But surely it wasn’t his fault. It was his friend, his moirail that had gone on the killing spree, and he still wasn’t sure what had happened to Alternia. Now was definitely not the time to ask either.

He’d let the boy settle in, take a few weeks to get used to life as it was on board the TARDIS, before even thinking of breaching that question. He had already ruined the trust that could have been between them, though he was sure he could win it back. Thankfully, Karkat seemed fine with River, going to her for comfort. 

Things would work out great if they all just got along like that. He’d try his best to remember when he got a little too excited that he was not to barge in on his room any longer. What had Karkat called it again? Oh yes, his respite block. Seemed a bit wordy for bedroom, but hey, if it made the kid feel more at home respite block it was.

Shaking his head, he made his way to the kitchen, and stared at the taps for a few seconds. “Well, how are we going to do this, Old Girl? Should I just get a glass of water and take that, or is that too simple?”

In the end he chose to fill a plastic pitcher up with water, grabbed a glass, and made three cheese sandwiches as that was the closest thing to filler he could find on short notice. Karkat didn’t seem to be eating much of anything, and the boy’s stomach was now empty. 

He could fix that. That was the easy part. The hard part would be everything else...

Karkat was not in any way alright. He had been angry and bitter before whatever happened with his friends had happened. There was the possibility that the kid was depressed. Paranoia was definitely showing and he was probably an insomniac judging from the bags under his eyes. Those were also problems to work on.

Too bad he wasn’t that kind of doctor...

Putting the food and pitcher on a tray, he made his way to Karkat’s room. It took the TARDIS five minutes before she allowed him to find the room, but that was okay, as it gave the boy time to calm down a bit more and maybe have a talk to River. She was a lot better at things like that than he was. Well, sometimes. He could definitely help him with his being alone. He shared that trait with him.

Kicking the door slightly when he reached it, it was opened a moment later by River. 

“I come with water for Karkat and sandwiches! Cheese. I don’t know if you like cheese or not but it was the first thing I could find to put on a sandwich. Sorry. I don’t even know if you’re omnivorous, carnivorous or herbivorous.”

“I eat cheese. And meat. I’m not much of a fussy eater, I just don’t really have much of an appetite most of the time.”

“So you eat what’s available! Good trait to have. You have a very empty stomach though and need something in it. So I made three, if you can eat one I’d be happy. Then there’s one for all of us. I’d say try to eat at least two though.” He held out one of the sandwiches for the boy to take.

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Yes crabdad.”

How a crab could possibly be a dad was beyond him, unless it was with little baby crabs of course. Then it would be completely appropriate but...”I’m a crab? Really?”

“You can be, sweetie. Especially when left alone too long.”

River’s answer brought a small smile onto Karkat’s face though and the boy reached for the sandwich and slowly but surely ate it. Well, that was good. He at least was now eating. One goal accomplished. He seemed a lot calmer too.

“You seem a lot calmer. Are you feeling any better? Sometimes it helps to cry.”

Karkat scowled at him and lowered his head. “I guess so. I have a headache still and my body aches, but I think I’m better with my emotions now...”

“Do you want another sandwich? It will at least help calm your stomach down.”

The scowl deepened at that and the boy shook his head. Sighing, the Doctor handed one of the leftover sandwiches to River, who took and begun eating. He ate the last one. Well, at least the food wouldn’t go to waste like this. It was still being eaten, just not by the person who should be eating it.

Afterwards, he put the tray on the bedside table and poured a drink out into the glass and handed it over.

“Drink. You’re dehydrated. It will help with the headache and pains.”

At least he had no trouble coaxing him to drink. He basically inhaled the water instead of drank it and then handed the glass back for more. He poured another glass, before stepping back. If he wanted more he could get it himself. He was capable of it. 

The silence was worrying. Karkat didn’t seem the type to be quiet. His voice was loud, filled with long sentences, and usually had a lot of swearing involved. That had all been absent since he had come in the room.

“So, any plans as to what you want to do? We could stop off somewhere and get something you may like...I still do tend to buy things and not rely on the TARDIS to give me whatever she feels like I want or need. That’d be silly. Well, it is silly, but it can come in handy. It’s a bit of a pain when some systems are down though. The heating sometimes screws up. I’m still not sure if she does it on purpose or it is a fault in her system. I...”

“Will you shut the fuck up?! What part of ‘I have a headache’ did you not understand? The last thing I want to listen to right now, is you going on and on about your fucking ship! And for your information, yes, I have plans. I’m going to lie on the bed I have right here, and read. That’s it! Quiet time. Relaxing time. Maybe you’ve heard of it, but given how you’re so fucking hyper you can’t stay still for one second without either talking or hopping around like a fucking rabbit, I very much doubt this. So shut up, take your weirdly shaped pale self out of my block and don’t come back until tomorrow. You got that? Is that too hard to understand? Too much for you to figure out?”

Blinking in surprise, the Doctor raised his hands. “Whoa alright, I will leave you alone to read then.” With that said, the Doctor turned to go out the door. 

River smiled at him and his hearts beat out of rhythm for a few seconds, before getting back into pattern. She was so beautiful and she was his. He still had no idea how that had happened. Not fully at any rate. All he knew was that he was lucky to have her as his wife.

Shaking his head, he grinned back, kissed her quickly and left the room.

* * * * * * * * *

It took a half hour of mucking around with the TARDIS’s insides and what felt like endless, boring waiting, until River joined him again. He stopped what he was doing for a moment and looked up at his wife. He had a nice view when she was up top and he was below the console. 

“How is he?”

She smiled down at him. “He’s resting for a bit. The TARDIS will wake him up in an hour, or he’ll never sleep the night through. A nap will do him some good. He’s emotionally exhausted, but I believe he’ll get through this. He’s strong.”

“Yes, I don’t think he’s someone who gives up very easily. The TARDIS will make sure he doesn’t injure himself or anything, so no need to worry about that right now. So! River, what have you been doing with yourself before you showed up for our now cancelled date. At least I think it’s cancelled, I don’t really think it a good idea to leave the TARDIS right now, with a young, rebellious teen on board.”

She walked down to him with that decidedly sexy sway of her hips she does when they were usually alone somewhere. “We have an hour before he wakes up. Use your imagination sweetie. Who says we need to leave the TARDIS to have a good time together?”

He grinned at her. “I know that. It just...seems inappropriate? There’s a young teen on board.”

“Doctor, you like them young. There’s always a teen on board. Alright, not always but it sure feels it sometimes.”

“Never as young as Karkat. He’s still so...childish.”

River frowned at him, put her hands on his shoulders and kissed him, reaching away when he began to kiss back. “Yes, he is a bit young. We’ll lock the door behind us even though he is currently asleep. Better?”

He thought about it for a second, before grinning. “The TARDIS will make sure he sleeps an hour. We’ll just be...quiet.”

“Quiet? You?! Let’s put that one to the test, shall we. You are never quiet, my love.”

“There’s a first time for everything. I just don’t like the thought of him...knowing about these things.”

River laughed at that one, loudly and fully. “Oh you silly man. He’s a romance fan. Believe me, he’d think you tame and a bore.”

Put out by that, he folded his arms across his chest and pouted. “Thanks! You make me feel so nice and good about my prowess in bed...”

With a grin, she went back to having her hands on his shoulders and kissing him. “You’re fine in bed, Doctor. Stop making this out to be some huge thing. It’s not. You had children once, so you know what it’s like.”

“Yes, I had children. And they are always walking in on you.”

“I did say we’d lock the door.”

Shuffling on his feet, holding his wife close, he sighed. It wasn’t every day that River visited him, and usually visits were pre-planned, and those that weren’t usually had them accidentally meeting on an adventure somewhere. Other times, like his first visit with her in the Library, usually involved a quick message asking for help which he always showed up for.

“Yes. Locks are a good thing. Okay, you have sold yourself to me, you wild thing, you. My room then. I know yours doesn’t have a lock.”

She grabbed hold of his hand and dragged him to where he had a room stored away for when he needed sleep and wasn’t working on the TARDIS and slept in his swing seat. 

Sex between them was usually loud, hard, fast, messy and wild. This was measured on a scale system usually depending on how many people either of them had slept with while away from the other, since both of them had quite happily agreed to an open marriage. Sometimes afterwards they’d talk about who did who or what while away from the other as an interesting sex based conversation, before going at it again.

It made things interesting for the both of them. 

This time was different. Trying to be quiet meant he wanted slow and quiet and laid back. This made River constantly giggle in humour. But it was definitely much quieter, and he was satisfied that he wouldn’t wake Karkat up this way if they decided to go at it again when the kid was awake. Either way though, the door was staying closed and locked.

Most of the hour they had free together they spent quietly just holding each other. It was new and comforting to him. They had never really been much for slowing down and stopping to just enjoy each other’s company before. 

Things tended to get a bit hectic in his life when they were together, especially on the occasions when it wasn’t a set date. He decided a bit more time spent in the TARDIS with her like this would definitely be worth it. 

He had been dressed for roughly five minutes when River left to go check on Karkat to see if he was awake or if he still continued to sleep. Deciding to do as he was told for once, he chose to stay away until tomorrow. He had a tendency of setting Karkat off that was for sure.

Doing what he was likely to do when bored and not in the mood for shelves, he made his way to the kitchen to start working on a big dinner. He would get that boy eating properly if it was the last thing he did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat logs on to trollian and finds to his relief that, while he can't talk to his troll friends, the kids are all there and alive.

Chapter Four

The first thing Karkat did once he woke up from his nap (and did that ever make him feel like a wiggler again...) was drink the rest of the water left in the jug. He had been sweating in his bed, as the covers had been put over him before he had fallen asleep and he had overheated. He had soon learnt his lesson about that. Blankets were hot. They were for lying on top of not wrapping himself in unless he was cold or shaking for...other reasons. Thankfully, his pile in the making would be for lying on. 

The sheets were fine to be under though. He found it oddly comforting to be able to bury himself under the cloth.

He stretched, looked around his block more carefully and blinked. A door he hadn’t noticed the day before was there. Getting up, he made his way towards the room and slowly opened the door, only to find himself in an ablution block. Near the door was an ablution trap, on the opposite side of the room furthest away from the door was a load gaper. Great. He didn’t have to worry about trying to find one later in the huge mass of the ship. 

He’d need the thing sooner or later with how much water he’d been drinking.

Exiting the new block, he turned back towards his bed, closing the door behind him. There, waiting for him untouched since the first time he had gone off on the Doctor for coming into his respite block without permission was the book he had started reading.

Not in the mood to read now, though his head now felt better and he was more in control of his fucked up emotions, he instead turned to the laptop. He had captchalogued the Trollian disc and had kept it on him at all times since he had gotten the program off Sollux. He always liked to make sure that he had a solid disc copy because he had the odd habit of destroying computers by accident.

Okay, so, some he destroyed purely out of rage. And others he was tricked into destroying by Sollux, the fucking bastard...

Sighing, he put the disc in the machine and waited for the program to install and load. Clicking his claws against the desk, he frowned in rising anxiety. No. No, he would not start hyperventilating again. Not just from opening his chat program.

He was unsure whether he would be able to even reach the game sessions. Even if he could, as far as he was aware, everyone but him was dead. His heart clenched in his chest. He’d be so relieved to see so much as one person logged on.

Once the program had finished loading and he was staring at the login screen, he slowly put in his handle and password and, with growing unease, clicked log in.

All the names down the side of the page, all usually in the colours of the hemospectrum were greyed out. He closed his eyes and sighed. Trollian could reach past and future selves. While he wouldn’t be able to reach future selves, because dead, past selves should still be available, he hoped. He shouldn’t worry just yet.

Quickly, hoping even one person, even a past version of him, would answer, he opened one of his now infamous memos. He never got to start writing in it.

Someone began messaging him. Bright green text. Human. Jade was on. Jade was on and pestering him.

He let out a bark of laughter at that. She was alive! Did that mean John was too? How did they escape the Scratch? Weren’t they supposed to have been wiped from the timeline? Thank god others had made it out! He wasn’t the only survivor in this fucked up shared null session.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

GG: oh my god!   
GG: karkat youre alive!!!!! <3  
GG: we couldnt find your body anywhere. we read through your memos and past chats to others and thought you might have flung yourself off the meteor or something like that  
GG: karkat? you there? :O   
GG: please answer, were really worried!!!

He stared at the words. She said we’re. More than just her survived! Oh god, he was so fucking happy about that right now. 

CG: YES, I’M HERE.  
CG: I HAD TO INSTALL TROLLIAN ON A NEW COMPUTER.  
CG: GOD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO KNOW I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE TO SURVIVE.  
CG: WHO ELSE IS ALIVE IN YOUR TEAM BECAUSE ALL THE OTHER TROLLS ARE DEAD.  
CG: WHICH YOU MUST KNOW IF YOU SOMEHOW MANAGED TO READ MY MEMOS AND CHATS.  
CG HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?  
GG: karkat!!!   
GG: all four of us are still alive   
GG: there was a mix up involving time shenanigans   
GG: dave and rose turned up at the meteor past the small window you had to get to the next session  
GG: jack has started sniffing about near the meteor so i will be getting the other three off soon   
GG: its a bit hard to do so without being able to see them though   
GG: i now have bec’s powers to warp as i went god tier!!! :D  
CG: REALLY. CONGRATS, I GUESS.   
CG: GLAD TO HEAR YOU’RE ALL STILL AMONG THE LIVING RIGHT NOW.  
CG: I CAN’T SEE THE OTHERS ONLINE.  
GG: you wont   
GG: you must now be outside the game parameter  
GG: between sessions we were able to communicate because it was a set game parameter for our sessions   
GG: but between different realities is a bit harder  
GG: me and john escaped the scratch by breaking through the wall you had me draw   
GG: it was soooo cooool!!!!  
GG: it took us to a different reality  
GG: one you must be in too!   
GG: we may be able to meet up if i could see where you were but there is major interference  
GG: because of my sprite being half my dead dream self when i went god tier i became part first guardian so am always connected to the green sun  
GG: i dropped john off on the meteor   
GG: i am alone right now and have set up a time to pick the others up  
GG: five minutes to go  
CG: DO YOU WANT TO WAIT UNTIL TIME IS UP BEFORE TALKING?  
CG: I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU DID, BUT DON’T REALLY WANT YOU TO.  
CG: FUCK.   
CG: SORRY.   
CG: I’M KIND OF MESSED UP RIGHT NOW.  
CG: I WATCHED MY MOIRAIL GO BATSHIT INSANE AND KILL EVERYONE ELSE.   
CG: WELL, ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE.   
CG: ERIDAN KILLED TWO OF US.  
CG: VRISKA KILLED ANOTHER ONE.  
CG: TEREZI KILLED VRISKA IN RETURN.  
CG: I WASN’T THERE FOR TWO OF THOSE DEATHS.   
CG: TWO OUT OF TEN.  
CG: ARADIA WENT BACK IN TIME TO FIX WHAT WENT WRONG.  
CG: I AM SO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT.  
CG: HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE I SURVIVED A DOOMED TIMELINE?  
GG: the rules dont seem to apply outside the game  
GG: you made it out so you are probably safe!!!  
GG: i am sorry about all your troll friends though  
GG: i liked some of them :(  
CG: SHUT UP.   
CG: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF FUCKING CRYING.  
GG: hey!!  
GG: and considering what you just went through i think crying is a NORMAL reaction  
CG: I HAVE SPENT THE MAJORITY OF THE PAST 2 DAYS IN TEARS.   
CG: I CANNOT AFFORD TO LOSE ANY MORE WATER RIGHT NOW.   
CG: I THINK I AM HEADING FOR A GROWTH SPURT.  
CG: I AM REALLY THIRSTY RIGHT NOW AND HAVE ALREADY DRUNK A JUG OF WATER. I CAN’T WAIT FOR WHEN I START EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.  
CG: I HATE MOULTS.  
GG: moults?  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: YOU KNOW THAT THING YOU DO TO GROW BIGGER.  
GG: humans are different  
GG: we just grow   
CG: LUCKY YOU.  
GG: kanaya told me your species is buggy in origin  
GG: you look so different to insects on earth  
CG: WE’RE SORT OF LIKE YOUR EARTH INSECTS I GUESS. WE’RE MORE A MIX OF INSECT AND REPTILE WITH A TINY BIT OF MAMMAL THROWN IN FOR GOOD MEASURE.  
CG: BUT YEAH, MAINLY EARTH INSECT HERE.  
CG: WE HATCH FROM EGGS AS GRUBS AND SHORTLY AFTER WE PUPATE  
CG: WE CRAWL OUT OF OUR COCCOONS BIPEDAL AND GET CHOSEN BY A LUSUS AFTER WE WIN OUR TRIALS  
CG: WE MOULT ABOUT ONCE A SWEEP.   
CG: I JUST RECENTLY HAD MY WRIGGLING DAY SO I HAVE BEEN EXPECTING A GROWTH SPURT.  
CG: THEN WE PUPATE AGAIN INTO OUR ADULT STAGE WHEN WE ARE AROUND 9 SWEEPS OLD  
CG: OUR ADULT STAGE IS USUALLY A *LOT* BIGGER THAN OUR ADOLESCENT BODIES  
CG: I DOUBT I WILL GROW TOO TALL OR ANYTHING IN MY ADULT STAGE.  
CG: I’M SMALL FOR A TROLL.  
CG: AND YES, THAT IS A SORE POINT FOR ME.  
CG: DON’T GO POKING AT THE ALREADY EMOTIONALLY WOUNDED.  
GG: wow!!   
GG: our insects mainly just hatch as grubs grow like that for a bit, pupate and then are adults  
GG: or they hatch as mini versions of their adult forms and moult  
CG: GUESS THEY MUST HAVE GOTTEN SEPARATED SOMEWHERE ALONG THE EVOLUTIONARY TRACK.   
CG: WEIRD.  
CG: YET AGAIN, I DID KIND OF FUCK UP WITH YOUR UNIVERSE.   
CG: AGAIN, SORRY ABOUT THAT.  
GG: stop apologising about that!!!! :(   
GG: youre forgiven ok?  
CG: YEAH. THANKS FOR TALKING TO ME.   
CG: IT HELPS TO KNOW I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT GOT OUT ALIVE.  
GG: :)  
CG: ):B  
GG: i hope with the others here and you have more people to talk to you feel a little better <3   
GG: i have to go get the others now  
GG: ill be back later!!

He waited until Jade had logged off before he let his head drop into his hands. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly, trying to reorient himself with yet another huge world shaking change.

He still had living friends. None of them were trolls like him, all of them human, but they were alive. And, somehow, most of them managed to find their way to safety, or what amounts to it in the Furthest Reach and here in this fucked up alternate of Jade’s reality, since her version of the universe no longer exists from what he understood of things.

He needed to talk to Aradia, but unless she could somehow get out of the game session too, that wasn’t happening any time soon. If ever.

Leaning back in the chair, he sighed and scratched behind one of his horns. Fuck, he was itchy there. He needed to get clean from his rolling around in his own sweat during his little grub nap. He looked at his fingers and saw small bits of shed skin and bone clinging to the tips of his claws. Scowling, he ran a hand through his hair and got up.

He may as well bathe now and read after he was done with his ablutions, because he was much happier and calm now and in the mood for a good story.

He left the comp on with a busy notice telling the humans that he was in the ablution trap. If they messaged him while he was busy he’d know it. He’d leave the laptop on all night if necessary just to wait to see if they got away from Jack.

He hoped Jade managed to get them all out in time.

By the time he felt clean again and the base of his horns had stopped itching, he had been in there for an hour. Okay, so he had given into temptation and just let himself float in the water for fifteen minutes. He hadn’t been able to have a bath in...fuck, over four weeks?!

The same could be said for sleeping, and most other basic needs.

Oh and then there were the pesky hormonal urges... How he had missed those in the past few days since Gamzee went insane. Not. Those could go screw themselves, which was something he wasn’t about to do right now. He was more interested in other things. Like seeing if his humans friends were still alive or not or if they had died within the past half hour.

He was greeted with four messages on Trollian and a knocking on the door.

He was tempted to let the knocker be ignored, but hey, at least this time they were knocking and not making themselves at home in his respite block. That was an improvement.

“Karkat? Are you in there?” he heard from the other side and he grinned slightly. It was River, no need to worry then. It was the Doctor right now he was wary about, especially when it came to his room.

“Yeah, wait a minute. Let me put on some clothes...”

He heard her laugh at that. “Am I interrupting something? Do you want to be left alone for a while?”

Frowning, he opened the door, with just the towel wrapped around his waist and his hair still wet and clinging to his head. “I just had a bath you sick fuck...there is no way I‘d do what you were assuming in the bath. I’d need another one afterwards, and I really could not be bothered. I have more important shit to think about than getting myself off right now. Like the fact that I have living friends still. I am going to go talk to them. And then I am going to do what I have said I’d do all fucking day and read my book.”

River smiled at him and nodded. “You look much better than when I left you. And a lot cleaner too.”

“Yeah, I feel better and definitely a lot cleaner for that matter. I don’t even want to know what that gunk in my hair was, but I think it was a mix of blood, oil and fuck knows what else. Ugh, the bases of my horns were flaking from bad hygiene habits the past few weeks. I hate when that happens. Itches like all hell.”

Once again his answer was a smile. River sure did smile at him a lot. Yet again, if she was feeling all pale for him, it was to be expected, he supposed. He didn’t know how a moirallegiance with a human would even work, if it could. He’d prefer to get with one of the kids rather than an adult though, but for the time being...well, fuck it. River was fine for the most part.

“I will leave you to dress and talk with your friends then. Enjoy your book when you get around to reading. I will collect you when it is time for dinner. You need to eat more.”

He grimaced at that but nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll even eat it. I am kind of hungry now...”

He was more thirsty than hungry, but he still did have an appetite now. Probably because he didn’t feel as alone now that he knew that those human kids were still alive. They were still all in on this together. It was a relief to know that.

“Go talk to your friends, see how they are doing. I’ll come back later.”

With that said, River left, closing the door behind her. He blinked at it blankly for a few seconds before he began to blush. Holy fuck, he had just answered the door to an adult basically naked. Before he went back to the computer he was going to get dressed. 

He frowned when he realised that he had no other clothes on him other than the ones he had been wearing. Fuck. He needed to get himself a drawer and some clothes as fast as possible, but until then, he guessed he was stuck in the clothes he had been wearing when he had gotten caught up in all of this shit. Three days and blood, guts and other unmentionable fluids and/or body parts were covering them.

He really wanted to burn them and hoped that he never had to see them again, but no, he was to wear them until he found other clothing to wear...

Going back into the ablution block, he quickly put his clothes back on. He had the sudden urge to jump right back into the bath and scrub himself down again. Eww.

Back in his room, he frowned at the four blinking messages waiting for him. Taking his seat, he took a deep breath and clicked on the first one. He was gifted with the sight of blue text. Great...it was John.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

EB: hey karkat!  
EB: jade tells us you’re alive, which is good. glad to see one of you got out.  
EB: i thought you threw yourself into space or something stupid like that.  
EB: so thanks for proving me wrong!  
EB: karkat?   
EB: just so you know, i have no idea what you mean by saying you’re in the ablution trap and it’s kind of worrying me.  
EB: are you ok?  
EB: umm, message me when you get back.

It really, really figured that John left the chat open and hadn’t signed out. Fucking figures, now he had to answer as it would be clear he was now on...

CG: ALRIGHT ALREADY, YOU IMPATIENT FUCKWIT. I AM BACK.   
CG: AND TO PUT IT IN A SIMPLE TERM YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND, I WAS HAVING A BATH   
CG: I WASN’T TOO COMFORTABLE SITTING AT THE DESK TALKING TO YOU STUPID HUMAN PESTS COVERED IN MY DEAD FRIENDS BLOOD.  
EB: ew.  
EB: and yeah, i get that.  
EB: sorry about what happened. jade told us what you told her.  
CG: OF COURSE SHE DID.   
CG: WELL IT SAVES ME FROM HAVING TO TYPE IT ALL OVER AGAIN AT ANY RATE   
CG: THANK HER FOR ME.  
EB: will do.  
EB: she says your welcome.  
CG: AND DO YOU *THINK* I’M OK? HONESTLY?  
CG: I JUST SAW MY FRIENDS BEING SLAUGHTERED UNTIL I WAS THE LAST ONE LEFT   
CG: NO  
CG: I AM NOT ‘OK’.  
CG: I AM THE FURTHEST THING FROM OK ANYONE EVER COULD POSSIBLY BE SND FUCK YOU FOR EVEN ASKING.  
EB: wow, you just mistyped!  
EB: yeah, i guess it was a pretty shitty thing for me to ask.  
EB: sorry.  
CG: FUCK  
CG: JOHN, I HAVE TO ANSWER THE OTHERS NOW   
CG: I...  
CG: I DON’T REALLY THINK I CAN TALK MUCH ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW  
CG: AND FUCK FIXING MY TYPO.

He closed the chat with John and lowered his head to the table. Why did they all have to ask such stupid questions?! Fuck...he really didn’t want to see what Strider had written. He did the only sane thing he could think of at the time and opened Jade’s message.

GG: dont worry about answering this message!!!!!  
GG: i just wanted you to know that everything went fine and yes as you know now we are all still alive  
GG: jack didnt get us and now were all leaving you messages to let you see that  
GG: this is my message obviously!!   
GG: ill leave you to read what the others have to say and will talk later

Holy fuck, direct and to the point. He could only hope that Rose’s message was just as nice and neat. Hell, if anything, she’d try and give him advice on how to get better than he was, since she was so heavily into all that psychological study and shit like that. He hoped she didn’t. If he wanted advice, he’d damn well ask for it first.

First though, the douche can get bent. He wanted to really hurt Dave if he so much as blamed him an inch for Terezi’s death, since he knew those two were getting pretty tight with each other. He wasn’t sure if it was flushed or pale, but they certainly had something in either of those two quadrants.

Karkat had hoped it was Moirallegiance. Now it didn’t matter one tiny fucking bit...

He opened Dave’s message to see not a wall of red text like he had feared. There was no blame, no rant. There was not much of anything. Hell, he didn’t even bother rapping.

For Dave, this was weird. It was actually kind of disturbing...

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] –-

TG: hey  
TG: just a message to say look im alive   
TG: jade said you needed to see my red text in person  
TG: so here it is  
TG: enjoy

Dave had logged out. He checked several times before he was absolutely sure he was definitely not on and hadn’t just closed the chat. Maybe he’d ask one of the others about his odd behaviour later.

Right now he just wanted to get through Rose’s message and go curl up in the covers of his bed again and read. He was so done with emotions right now. 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] –-

TT: I will not give you a false sense of hope or tell you things will get better.  
TT: I am however sorry for your losses in as much of an understanding way as I possibly can be, which, considering your losses, is not as much as I would actually like.  
TT: I miss the fact I will never be able to talk to Kanaya again. Just as I miss the fact I will never go into another battle of one-upmanship with my mother.  
TT: Jade told me that you have started grieving. As much as I can understand the concept from a lowly human point of reference, that is.   
TT: Our emotional reactions seem to be quite similar however. It is fascinating to me.  
TT: Now that we have time to rest and relax, we will start grieving our losses too.  
TT: If you need to talk, or if you need someone who even remotely knew the others in your group, know that we are here.  
TT: We were all close to at least one of you and we have all talked to multiple members of your group.   
TT: Between the four of us, I am pretty sure we knew all 12 of you at least slightly. I believe Jade talked to all twelve of you at one time or another throughout the years/day.  
TT: This reminds me that Jade also talked of your life cycle. How long will you be gone when you do go through this process of moulting?  
TT: I would appreciate you messaging me back after you have read this.

He blinked. Wow, now he knew they were all worried for him. He was more used to sarcasm and snark from Rose, not that he talked to her a lot, but he did enough to know that much about her. For her to be this honest, especially about her own emotional state, regardless of how little she said of that, was huge.

She, like John, was still logged in and hadn’t closed the chat. She was waiting for him to respond.

He was betting she already knew he had talked to John, since it was likely they were all in the same room together right now. If Jade heard his message to her through John, it was more than likely so did Rose.

Taking a deep breath, he answered.

CG: HEY.  
CG: THANKS FOR NOT GIVING ME ANY SHITTY PSYCHOBABBLE ADVICE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH MY FUCKED UP SELF.  
CG: I REALLY DON’T THINK I COULD STAND THAT RIGHT NOW.  
CG: TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, AT THE LEAST 5 DAYS, AT THE MOST A WEEK  
CG: CONSIDERING HOW MUCH WATER I’M LOSING THROUGH TEARS AND SWEAT RIGHT NOW, IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE LONGER.  
CG: FUCK MY LIFE SO HARD.   
TT: Thank you for messaging me back.  
CG: NO PROBLEM. IT’S NOT LIKE I HAVE MUCH ELSE TO DO.  
TT: That I understand perfectly. I am in the exact same predicament.  
CG: FUN ISN’T IT?  
TT: Oh, definitely.  
CG: WAS THERE ANYTHING ESE YOU WANTED OR WAS THAT IT?  
TT: Did you talk to Dave at all?  
CG: NO.  
CG: HE LEFT A SHORT MESSAGE FOR ME, BUT HAD LOGGED OFF BEFORE I READ IT.  
CG: I DIDN’T BOTHER ANSWERING HIM.  
CG: WHY?  
TT: He is much more closed off than normal.  
CG: YEAH, HE DID SEEM PRETTY MUCH WEIRD IN HIS LITTLE NOTE TO ME.  
CG: IT WAS PRETTY MUCH SHORT, TO THE POINT AND LACKED ANY SENSE OF RHYME.  
TT: That is a shocking development. Dave is not usually to the point.  
CG: DO YOU WANT TO READ IT OR NOT? I CAN PASTE IT HERE IF YOU WANT.  
TT: Please.   
CG: TG: hey  
CG: TG: just a message to say look im alive   
CG: TG: because jade said you needed to see my red text in person  
CG: TG: so here it is  
CG: TG: enjoy  
TT: Ouch.  
CG: OUCH WHAT?  
TT: Sorry, for Dave that is a little too blunt. Only time he ever got like that was when I was heading off to blow up the Tumor. I believe he saw it as his duty as our group’s Knight.  
CG: BEING THE KNIGHT IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. HE SHOULD HAVE TRIED BEING LEADER ON TOP OF THAT.  
CG: LIKE I SAID, IT SOUNDED WEIRD FOR HIM AND I BARELY TALKED TO THE INSUFFERABLE PRICK.  
CG: ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF IS THAT TEREZI’S DEATH IS REALLY HURTING HIM.   
CG: THOSE TWO HAD A THING GOING ON, EITHER RED OR PALE   
CG: AND IT DEFINITELY WENT BOTH WAYS.  
TT: Oh, Troll romance, charming. I know the red one is close enough to our version of romance, but which is the Pale again?  
CG: LIKE WHAT I HAD WITH GAMZEE. NOT THAT IT HELPED...  
CG: UGH, TRYING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO SOMEONE NOT A TROLL IS FUCKING HARD.  
CG: NO, WAIT, TRYING TO TELL THIS TO *ANYONE* IS HARD.  
CG: EVEN MOST TROLLS IN MY GROUP DIDN’T GET IT. I WAS PRETTY MUCH MR GO-TO-GUY FOR ROMANTIC ADVICE.  
CG: YET AGAIN, WE WERE ALL PRETTY MUCH ONLY JUST BEGINNING TO FILL OUR QUADRANTS AND THINGS TEND TO GO WRONG TO BEGIN WITH.  
CG: THEY SHOULDN’T GO THIS WRONG REALLY, BUT...  
CG: I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED. I HAD CALMED HIM.  
TT: Is that what it is? Someone who calms the other down?  
CG: SORT OF. IT IS USUALLY A PAIR OF A CALM, CENTERED TROLL WITH A MORE VOLATILE ONE.   
CG: THE CALM ONE KEEPS THE VOLATILE ONE FROM BECOMING TOO VIOLENT, WHILE THE VIOLENT ONE PROTECTS THE CALM ONE.  
CG: THERE’S MUCH MORE TO IT THAN THAT, BUT IT IS A VERY DEEP TRUST BETWEEN TWO TROLLS.  
CG: OR PEOPLE IN THIS CASE, SINCE DAVE IS HUMAN.  
CG: TEREZI HELPED DAVE THROUGH MOST OF YOUR GAME SESSION. THOSE TWO ALMOST IMMEDIATELY HIT IT OFF.  
CG: THEY BONDED THROUGH THEIR MUTUAL LOVE OF CRAPPY DRAWINGS AND COOLKIDS.  
CG: WHEN DAVE GOT HURT, OR A DOOMED DAVE GOT KILLED, SHE GOT REALLY UPSET ABOUT IT.  
CG: I DIDN’T THINK I’D EVER SEE TEREZI CRY UNTIL I SAW HER DOING SO OVER A DEAD DAVE SHE SAW BEING KILLED.  
CG: GOD DAMN IT  
CG: *SMELLED* BEING KILLED.  
TT: I think it was more closely this Pale Quadrant of yours then.   
TT: Terezi seemed volatile to me when I talked to her and Dave could be seen as calm with his stoic ways.  
TT: He told me that Terezi kept him as calm and centered as he could be after his Bro died in a weird ‘them’ way. The word justice was brought up quite often as I heard it.  
TT: He basically worshipped his Bro, regardless of their volatile relationship.  
TT: She kept him going when he wanted to give up.  
TT: I can see why he would run off to be alone for a while if this is the case.  
CG: YEAH, TEREZI WAS REALLY INTO THE WHOLE JUSTICE THING. SHE WANTED TO BE A LEGISLACERATOR WHEN SHE GREW UP.   
CG: FROM WHAT I HAVE READ OF YOUR CULTURE THAT’S A BIT LIKE YOUR HUMAN LAWYER PROFESSION.  
CG: POINT BEING, MOIRAILS ARE REALLY IMPORTANT TO US. THEY GENERALLY KEEP EACH OTHER GROUNDED AND AS SANE AS POSSIBLE  
CG: I WAS JUST FORCED TO KILL MY MOIRAIL  
CG: FUCK  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!   
CG: I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE   
TT: A bit of friendly advice as a friend and not someone who is going all psychobabble on you.  
TT: Don’t stop yourself from crying.  
CG: CRYING?! I’M CLOSE TO HAVING ANOTHER FUCKING PANIC ATTACK, NOT CRYING! UNLESS SAID TEARS ARE OUT OF A SENSE OF PANIC THEN I WOULD BE  
CG: I NEED TO GO CALM DOWN  
CG: I’M GOING TO GO LIE DOWN AND READ NOW  
CG: THAT MIGHT WORK TO CALM ME  
TT: That sounds calming to me too. Go read a book.  
TT: Talk again later?   
CG: YEAH WHATEVER.  
TT: Also, keep talking to Jade and John.   
TT: Maybe once Dave has calmed down and has come out of hiding wherever he is you can tell him a bit about this relationship Terezi had with him.  
TT: I think he needs to hear that she cared for him back.  
CG: SURE I’LL DO THAT IF HE EVER DECIDES TO TALK TO ME AGAIN  
CG: I’M GOING NOW  
CG: SEE YA

He logged off before she could answer to his parting words and made his way to his bed. He frowned at the offending piece of furniture, but didn’t curse at it. No, in fact right now he was glad he had a bed and not a recuperacoon. It will be a hell of a lot more comfortable to lie on than the floor.

He was probably the only troll who hadn’t had a shitty pile of crap lying around for comfort and/or feelings jams before the whole Sgrub thing had started. He had used Gamzee’s horn piles when on the meteor while talking to him and trying to keep him calm. Until he entered the game, he hadn’t even thought of making one for himself, since he hadn’t believed he’d ever actually fill any of his Quadrants. 

He’d been a bit too preoccupied with being paranoid they’d find out his blood colour to even try.

He was just too volatile himself he supposed to have had a Highblood as his Moirail. Yet again, until Gamzee went batshit insane again Karkat had been good at it. Better than good even, he had been the best Moirail. He had finally found a Quadrant he instinctively knew by heart.

Taking as much of a deep breath as he could, trying to rid himself of the band that was tightening around his chest and lungs, he crawled onto the bed, felt it sway and move under him, got comfortable with the blanket wrapped loosely around himself and reached for the book.

It worked to calm him down.

Within five minutes he was lost within the story.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat is worried about what adults could do to him, he goes looking for clean clothes to wear and the Doctor gives Karkat the "Last of his kind" speech. Karkat isn't amused.

Chapter Five

Dinner was roasted pork, ham, chicken and lamb for a bit of variety, along with a few different vegetables, fruits, stews, soups and drinks. It would last quite a while the Doctor figured, seeing as how the table was basically groaning under the weight of the food on top of it.

Still, better too much and have leftovers than too little and starve. River had told him once she had finally been given access to Karkat’s room that said boy was hungry.

Hungry was good. Hungry was indeed very, very good.

Now all he had to do was wait. River had gone off to find the room once again to get Karkat for dinner. This time around he enjoyed cooking, and knew he was good at it, so he had no thought that the food was bad or not cooked properly, so it was all entirely edible. Still, the Doctor believed that not much of it would be eaten by the new addition on the TARDIS.

Between grief, his upset stomach earlier in the day, and his already skinny enough appearance, it didn’t seem like Karkat ate right or much at all when he did. Still, he was now at that age where he’d be a bottomless pit due to his growing and changing body, so why not get him started in that a little earlier than was entirely necessary.

“Oh my God! Do you expect three people to eat all this? I couldn’t eat all this heading into a fucking moult! Just...what the hell? Have you got a legion of hungry grubs to feed or something?”

He looked up and away from his musings when he heard the small swearing being headed his way. Grinning widely, the Doctor shrugged. “No I don’t expect only three of us to eat it all, not in one sitting anyway. The TARDIS can put the rest in stasis so that it doesn’t go off, so there’s food for weeks here. So it’s basically eat what you can, of what you want and then go do whatever it is you like doing.”

Karkat stared at him for a second, before tugging on the hem of his shirt. “Getting new, clean clothes would be great. I’m covered in my dead friends’ blood. Thanks for noticing that little detail, shitstain.”

The Doctor looked at the shirt and the sudden realisation hit him. Of course, the hemospectrum, different coloured blood. While he had seen that Gamzee lad bleeding purple it had never quite followed in his mind that the other colours on him were blood as well. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot that it would be blood.”

Karkat grimaced at that and stared at the food. “Can we stop talking about this and eat? It’s been ages since I have had a proper meal. It looks good at least. Better than a stupid fucking sandwich anyway.”

Grinning, the Doctor waved River and Karkat towards a seat each and begun to heap food onto the plate in front of where he was sitting. Just grabbing what was closest to him, he was barely aware of what he was eating, more intent on watching the boy with them.

Slowly looking at the food, he noticed he seemed more interested in the meats than the vegetables, seemed slightly interested in some of the fruits, and poured himself a glass of orange juice. 

“I can eat anything here? You’re not like going to take the food away as soon as I go to grab something are you?” Karkat asked, glaring at him from behind the glass he was slowly sipping from between sentences.

The Doctor frowned slightly at the thought. “Why would I do that?”

Shrugging, Karkat reached for a chicken leg, a slice of lamb and grabbed a bowl of beef stew. He also grabbed an apple and a small bunch of grapes. The Doctor was glad that foods between their worlds weren’t that different. Things could have gotten rather messy otherwise.

Then, of course, he got to see those teeth of his in action. They weren’t as sharp as he had first thought, but were still predatory in nature. After the first bite, any manners Karkat may actually have when it came to eating vanished. He ate like he had been starved for weeks.

“Whoa, slow down, or you’ll make yourself sick again!” he stated, glad when Karkat froze before he took the advice and slowed down. Earlier that day must have still been playing on his mind. No one liked being sick. 

Things went calmly, if silently after that. Getting through the chicken and the stew, Karkat managed to eat more than he thought, before stopping. At least he looked more energetic now than he had earlier. 

Karkat leaned back in the chair he was on and sighed. “Clothes...I don’t want new clothes. Fucking need them, though. Ugh, so dirty...” He picked at the blood which had dried on his shirt. It looked like someone had painted a rainbow on him, poor kid.

“Oh, yes! Clothes! Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll have something to your tastes and size running around somewhere in here. I have a huge wardrobe.” With that, he jumped to his feet, walked over to the boy, dragged him off his seat and promptly got yelled at for it.

“What the fuck?! I can walk on my own two legs. I have been doing so since I pupated, which is more than I can say for your sorry excuse of a squishy skinned species. Get off my bulge about it.”

The Doctor stopped what he was doing, turned to look at Karkat and grinned sheepishly. “You are creative with your words. And pupated? You don’t look like any species that does that in this universe. No buggy parts.”

He watched as Karkat scowled deeply and lifted up his shirt. Between his ribs and pelvis on both sides of his body laid a ridge on the side of his skin that was black, or at least a darker grey than the rest of him. After a few seconds, you see it as a large, awkward claw, which has had the tip grown into the body naturally to make it non movable. “Vestigial grub legs. When we pupate, they are no longer needed since two legs, yay. But we have all six functioning limbs as wigglers. So fuck you.”

And that was the worst thing this boy could have done, because now his brain was firing off on all cylinders with absolute fascination. “Oooh, will you look at that!? You are beautiful, you know? Stunning.”

The shirt was quickly pushed down and Karkat backed up several steps, a startled look on his face. “Are you hitting on me?! You sick fuck! I’m only six! I’m not even old enough to breed yet.” His voice was several octaves higher than normal. He had truly scared him.

“Hitting on you? I’m not hitting you in any way.”

“Flirting! Wanting to get into my fucking pants! Oh my god, you are, aren’t you? Fuck, do I have to start screaming rape right now? I knew this would happen. Nothing good comes from adults.”

The Doctor blinked, honestly confused. “Flirting with you? Why would I do that? You are still a child and, regardless of what you may hear about me, I am not interested in anyone underage. I tend to just...speak my mind about an entire species over one person sometimes. That remark wasn’t about you, it was about your race. I just find things...”

Karkat slapped his hands against his face and groaned loudly. “If you use the word miracle in any way, shape or form, I swear I am going to kill you right here and now. Can I just get some clothes now? Please?! Look, I’m being polite and everything!”

Well, now that he knew what he had done wrong, and Karkat had calmed down again and wasn’t accusing him of something he’d never do in a million years, things seemed slightly better, and Karkat had just been polite enough to ask for new clothes. He hadn’t taken the death threat very seriously. Smiling, he waved in the direction of the wardrobe and began walking again. “Yes, of course. This way. Any type of clothing you like in particular? You’ll probably find styles you’ve never even dreamed of in here. Mind you, I do have notoriously bad taste in clothes. I just happen to find clothing I like at the time and put it on and there is nothing wrong with that at all! And no matter what anyone tells you, Karkat, always remember that bowties are cool.”

Karkat then proceeded to follow slightly behind, while growling slightly under his breath what the Doctor could only think were some rather creative insults. 

After a few twists and turns, he found the wardrobe just where he had left it last time he happened upon the room. Opening the door with a flourish, he allowed Karkat to step around him and enter. The boy’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened. 

“See? Surely there’s something in here you will like. I’ve got plain clothes, dressy clothes, silly clothes, formal wear...you name it I have it, from a wide variety of fashions from different worlds and time periods! You can take whatever you want, it’s all up for grabs. And clean, I should add. All shiny and new clothing.”

Karkat turned to glare at him. “Holy fuck, you’re a male version of Kanaya. Do you make these, or does your ship steal them like everything else?”

“I mainly actually buy things I like, or look good for the time period. It’s important you know. The people who travel with me tend to keep the clothes they like so I have to get more. This is my area, not the TARDIS’s.”

“Yeah, you weren’t wrong, you have the worst taste in clothes...I’m going to get lost in pink frills, aren’t I?”

“Only if you want to be. Which you don’t look too pleased with. There’s plenty of black in here, and grey. Oh! Try and find something to wear to bed too. Maybe a few outfits? If we stop by anywhere, we can always come back for the fashionable clothes, or you can keep wearing plain. It really all depends on you.”

Rolling his eyes, he watched Karkat as the boy slowly began looking through the clothes nearest to him, all of them in bright colours. It didn’t surprise the Doctor at all that there seemed to be an almost permanent scowl on his face. They were not only all ridiculously too big for him, but also too colourful. 

He didn’t follow him around, instead opting to sit on the floor by the door, occasionally talking out loud to make sure the boy was fine and still looking. He always got a shouted reply back, so just let him go for it.

After two hours, he was getting bored of this, and a bored Doctor was not a fun Doctor. If Karkat hadn’t found anything, he can wander around his room naked for all he cared. “Karkat? Have you found anything you like? I think that’s enough for today, you can come back tomorrow and look some more.”

After a few minutes of silence, he got up on his feet to go look, when he spotted him coming to his waiting area.

“Yeah I found some things,” Karkat stated, holding up a lot of black and grey items of clothing in one hand and a pair of jogging shoes in the other. “These will fit me for a bit anyway. Fucking moult coming up.”

The Doctor blinked before grinning. “Yes, that tends to happen. You can find clothes that fit once you’re done growing. Well, are you going to show me what you got? There are some dressing rooms over here.”

Showing him where the changing rooms were, he waited only a short two minutes, before Karkat came out dressed in a dark grey long sleeved shirt, and some baggy looking black jeans. The bloody clothes were left in a heap on the floor. In his hands were his old shoes and a pair of boxers with crabs on them.

“You really like crabs, don’t you?”

Karkat blinked at him and frowned. “My lusus was a crab. Didn’t I already tell you this? So, yes I like crabs. He also kind of died twice in the past four weeks. Can I fucking grieve the death of my guardian in peace?”

He had no idea what possessed him to hug the boy, but moments after those words escaped Karkat’s mouth, he was holding him close. He could feel the stiffening muscles and heard what could only be a warning sound come out of a sharp toothed mouth. 

“Listen to me before you get all bitey, ok? I understand what it is like to lose your world, and what it’s like to have to destroy your friends and family. I destroyed my own world and my people to save this universe. I am the only one of my kind left too. I understand the anger and pain and guilt. And I can tell you it will never fully go away either. It will get easier to live with, easier to feel good things. It takes a while though. You are still in a shocked state judging by your trembling right now, but that will leave soon enough and when it does, know I’m here, even if you don’t like me.”

There was silence once he stopped talking for a good long while, but Karkat stopped shaking after five minutes of quiet and slowly relaxed against him, enough to head butt his lower chest with one of those small horns. He was thankful they weren’t sharp or he’d have major trouble breathing.

He didn’t complain about it though, as he knew it was accidental. Karkat was just trying to do what any other child would do, hide his head and try to gain some comfort at the same time. The Doctor loosened his hold on the boy and slowly let him go, before nudging him slightly in the direction of the door.

“Tomorrow, I’ll land the TARDIS somewhere and we can go see what there is to see. It won’t do you any good to stay in here and let yourself be alone most of the day. I’ll let the TARDIS choose the time and place. She likes you a lot and will take you somewhere she thinks will be good for you. Come on, let’s go find your room and you can relax a bit more. River told me some of your friends lived, human friends. Go talk to them for a bit, they’ll help you through this more than I can.”

“Fine,” Karkat muttered, before taking the not so subtle hints and began walking back through the halls of the TARDIS. 

Within five minutes they had found the door to Karkat’s room and, leaving the boy well enough alone, the Doctor made his way back to the console room where he knew River was waiting for him.

“Did he find some clothes?” she asked, before he even reached her. He nodded, grabbed hold of her and pulled her in for a quick kiss.

“Yes he did, and he knows he can come talk to me about...things if he needs to. I left him to talk to his human friends. Hopefully he does take that bit of advice at least. He really isn’t in a very stable mindset right now. He said his guardian had died twice in the past four weeks. Do these lusus things regenerate?”

“No, they only get to die once. I have no idea how one would die twice.”

Grinning, he pulled his wife into a hug, before swinging her around. “Well, it is date night and I don’t think it would be wise to leave the TARDIS, so let’s dance in here, shall we? Did you tell him you don’t actually live on the TARDIS with me? I think he needs to know that. He might decide to choose someone else to be all cuddly with. I think it would be better for him to be with kids his own age.”

“Oh believe me, I never thought this moirallegiance was anything other than temporary. A child troll would never trust an adult for longer than necessary, especially with their quadrants. He’ll probably come to me himself, but I will talk to him about it later. Now, where were we? Dancing wasn’t it? Are you going to come and sweep me off my feet, sweetie?”

Laughing, he spun River around and dipped her. “And here I was under the impression I had already done that.”

“Oh, you smooth talker. Show me your moves, Doctor.’

He did just that for a majority of the rest of that 24 hour period of time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly 2 chat logs. One with John and Karkat grossing each other out, and the other with Karkat and Rose getting a lot closer :P
> 
> I love writing these chat logs, it's fun!

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] \--

CG: HEY JOHN.  
EB: hey karkat!   
EB: rose has us all doing work, can you believe it.   
EB: why?   
EB: whyyyyyyyy?!  
CG: OH GOD.  
CG: CAN YOU PLEASE NOT DO THE 8 THING RIGHT NOW.   
CG: I THINK ANYTHING MORE THAN JUST CHATTING LIKE NORMAL WILL KILL ME.  
EB: :O  
EB: oh no!   
EB: did something else happen on top of everything else?   
EB: not to say everything else isn’t bad enough.   
EB: you’re acting a lot different than you were last time we talked.  
EB: you were upset then but not like ‘going to die’ kind of upset.  
EB: please don’t die.  
CG: JOHN  
CG: I WASN’T BEING LITERAL, YOU IDIOT.  
CG: I THINK IT IS JUST SINKING INTO MY THINK PAN, YOU KNOW?  
CG: I JUST HAD SOMEONE GIVING ME A ‘LAST OF HIS KIND’ TALK AND  
CG: I GUESS SOMETHING IN ME JUST DIDN’T REALLY BELIEVE IT UNTIL THEN.  
CG: I’M JUST  
CG: I’M REALLY SHAKEN UP ABOUT IT I GUESS.  
CG: SO JUST TELL ME NORMAL STUFF RIGHT NOW FOR MY SANITY.  
CG: WHAT WORK HAS ROSE GOT YOU ALL DOING?  
CG: AND YOU’RE THE LEADER OF YOUR TEAM SO WHAT THE FUCK?  
EB: it’s not really hard or anything.  
EB: she wants us to write down all what we did during our session so that we have a record of it.  
EB: see if it comes in handy for when we get to the new session.   
EB: dave hasn’t been in here again yet.  
EB: you just missed the girls though.   
EB: i think they’re off finding rooms to claim as their own.  
EB: i decided i might as well get started on it, set a good example being leader and all that :P  
CG: OH GOD  
CG: IS SHE GOING TO ASK ME FOR DETAILS ABOUT MY SESSION  
CG: BECAUSE I THINK IF SHE DOES I WILL START SCREAMING IN RAGE FILLED INSANITY BEFITTING THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN OF EPIC PROPORTIONS I’D BE GOING THROUGH AT THE TIME.  
CG: AND THAT *WAS* LITERAL.  
CG: I REALLY DON’T THINK I CAN DEAL WITH THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW.  
CG: FUCK. NOW I’M SHAKING AGAIN...  
EB: aww, buddy  
EB: i have no idea how to help or anything.  
EB: sorry.  
CG: YOU’RE NOT MY FUCKING MOIRAIL.   
CG:I DON’T WANT YOU AS MY MOIRAIL.   
CG:THINGS WOULD JUST BE  
CG: FAR TOO AWKWARD.  
CG: PLUS THERE’S THAT WHOLE HOMOSEXUAL THING YOU HAVE NOT GOING ON.  
CG: I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT’S EVEN A THING TO BEGIN WITH.  
EB: it just means i’m not interested in boys.  
CG: I FIGURED THAT OUT.  
CG: I JUST...  
CG: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?  
CG: IN A REPRODUCTIVE SENSE I MEAN.   
CG: KANAYA WOULD DATE A GUY BUT WAS MUCH MORE INTERESTED IN FEMALES  
CG: IT WOULDN’T STOP HER BECOMING ATTRACTED TO AND HOOKING UP WITH A MALE THOUGH.   
CG: I JUST DON’T GET IT.  
CG: CHOOSING ONE SEX OVER THE OTHER IS STUPID.   
EB: oooh i think i get the problem now.  
EB: your boys can have grubs too?  
EB: are you forgetting we’re mammals?  
EB: only the females can have the grubs  
EB: babies! I meant babies.   
EB: the females are the only ones who are literally able to get pregnant and carry the baby.  
EB: boys just don’t have the equipment for it.  
CG: HOLY FUCK.   
CG: NO I DIDN’T FORGET YOU WERE MAMMALS. BOY MAMMALS ON OUR PLANET CARRY YOUNG TOO. HENCE THE CONFUSION.  
CG: YOUR WHOLE SPECIES AND ONLY HALF OF THEM CAN HELP WITH POPULATING THE SPECIES? WHAT DO YOU DO DURING MATING SEASON?  
EB: we don’t have a mating season karkat.  
EB: our females can literally become pregnant almost at any time all year round.   
EB: well, once they begin making the eggs anyway.  
EB: girls can be really icky with that.  
EB: they bleed out of their vaginas once a month to shed unfertilised eggs.  
CG: ...  
CG: YOUR SPECIES IS DISGUSTING, YOU KNOW THAT EGBERT.  
CG: OUR WAY IS...MESSY BUT MUCH LESS PAINFUL AND DOESN’T INVOVLE BLEEDING OUT OF REPRODUCTIVE ORIFICES.  
CG: THANK GOD FOR THAT.  
EB: well how does it work in your culture?  
CG: WE HAVE THE MOTHERGRUBS.  
EB: yeah.  
EB: not helpful.  
CG: UGH.  
CG: WHEN BREEDING TIME COMES, WE NEED TO MATE WITH OUR CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS.   
CG: OUR BLACK AND RED QUADRANTS.  
CG: THE GENETIC MATERIAL RPODUCED BY THE PAIRINGS IS MIXED AND GIVEN TO THE IMPERIAL DRONES AND SEPARATED INTO EITHER THE RED OR BLACK PAIL THEY CARRY WITH THEM  
CG: THIS IS EMBARRASSING...  
EB: wait...the pail thing is sexual?  
EB: oh.  
EB: i now understand everything XD  
CG: OH MY GOD SHUT UP!  
CG: FUCK DO I HAVE TO GO ON?  
EB: i mentioned bleeding vaginas.   
EB: yes you have to go on.  
CG: FUCK, FINE.  
CG: THE PAIL USED IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO COINCIDE WITH WHAT PARTNER YOU’RE WITH AT THAT TIME.   
CG: WHEN BOTH ARE FILLED OUR JOB IS DONE.  
EB: wait, that’s it?  
EB: you fill the pails and then what?  
CG: UGH  
CG: ...  
CG: THIS ISN’T EXACTLY SOMETHING WE LIKE TO TALK ABOUT.   
EB: bleeding out of reproductive orifices is something we don’t like to talk about.  
EB: trust me, boys get into some serious trouble if we even mention it in a female’s company.  
CG: FINE!  
CG: THE PAILS ARE GIVEN TO THE MOTHERGRUB, WHO IS OBVIOUSLY GETTING READY TO LAY HER EGGS, HENCE THE DRONES BEING OUT WITH THEIR FUCKING PAILS IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
CG: SHE EATS IT, AND DIGESTS IT INTO A SLURRY OF GENETIC MATERIAL WHICH IS THEN USED TO FERTILIZE THE EGGS, WHICH ARE THEN LAID IN THE CAVERNS.  
CG: THEY HATCH A FEW WEEKS LATER AND OUR GRUB SELVES CRAWL OUT.  
CG: IT’S THE GLORIOUS CIRCLE OF FUCKING TROLL LIFE.  
CG: YOU HAPPY NOW?  
EB: ...  
EB: eww, she actually eats your...eww!  
EB: and you think our reproductive cycle is gross?  
EB: you have a giant bug that eats your... ugh!  
CG: AT LEAST NONE OF US HAVE TO WITNESS THAT THOUGH.  
CG: IF WE’RE STILL ALIVE AFTER THE DRONES HAVE BEEN, WE JUST MERRILY GO ON KNOWING WE PLAYED OUR PART IN THE NEXT GENERATION OF YOUNG.  
EB: uh, still alive?  
CG: YEAH. YOU DON’T EXPECT BAD GENETICS TO BE BRED INTO THE NEXT GENERATION. THE DISABLED, THE MUTANTS, THE UTTERLY INSANE...THEY JUST GET CULLED INSTEAD. YES, I BELONG IN SAID GROUP OF INSTANTLY CULLED PEOPLE.  
CG: HALF OF OUR GROUP DID. MOST OF US WOULD HAVE BEEN CULLED. IT SUCKS, BUT HEY, THAT’S LIFE FOR YOU.  
EB: so...i guess the bucket thing is both sexual and frightening then?   
EB: I mean you just kind of implied that you had to mate at that time, no exceptions or be killed.   
EB: it’s like the planet of the rapists or something. are you alright? you are taking this way too calmly for my liking.  
CG: YOU’RE FORGETTING THAT IT WAS THE NORM ON OUR PLANET. SURE NONE OF US LIKED THE THOUGHT, AND IT WAS PRETTY MUCH TERRIFYING GROWING UP KNOWING YOU’LL NEVER MAKE IT TO ADULTHOOD, BUT...  
CG: IT WAS EXPECTED AND ACCEPTED IN OUR CULTURE.  
EB: that is one of the saddest things ever about trolls.  
EB: no wonder you all panicked when you spotted a bucket just aimlessly lying around.   
EB: why didn’t vriska say something?  
EB: she just said it was a cultural thing.  
CG: PROBABLY FOR THE SAME REASON I’M UNCOMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT IT.   
CG: BACK THEN THERE WAS STILL THE HOPE THAT WE COULD KICKSTART OUR SPECIES. WITHOUT THE DRONES OF COURSE. MAKING IT A LOT LESS FRIGHTENING FOR US, BUT STILL FAR TOO EMBARRASSING TO TALK ABOUT.  
CG: KANAYA HAD A MATRIORB FROM HER LUSUS. IT WOULD HAVE HATCHED INTO A MOTHERGRUB.  
CG: NO LUCK OF THAT NOW. I’M ALL THAT’S LEFT.  
CG: AND IF I WASN’T SO EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED RIGHT NOW, I’D PROBABLY BE CRYING AGAIN.  
CG: I THINK I’M GOING TO LEAVE THIS CONVERSATION HERE, GRAB A BLANKET AND FIND MY WAY TO MY PILE.  
CG: I JUST CAN’T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.  
CG: SORRY.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling ectoBiologist [EB] \--

Staring at the screen, he saw a message from John pop up on the bottom of the screen but ignored it. His eyes were stinging with the need to shed tears, but his stupid body refused to allow him to cry. He needed a drink of water. He needed to fucking cry. He needed to go someplace safe and grieve.

His newfound pile was still nicely hidden in its small hole in that dead garden. It was missing clean things to go in it and a moirail to curl up with, but hey, it was still a safe place to go hide and deal with his stupid feelings.

He didn’t bother using the blanket that the Doctor had put around him when he got on board. He had claimed that one for use on the bed for when he was reading or got into one of his recent shaking for no reason phases. It was already nicely covered in his scent and was comfortable. 

Alright, so maybe he just needed some comfort object in his room too, and right now that was the closest thing to one he had. Maybe he could ask one of the kids when they were looking through the meteor if they could pick up one of Terezi’s scalemates for him...

He’d take Pyralspite, her favourite. Dave could take another one if he wanted. A red one maybe...Cherryberry was it? He couldn’t remember. He had never bothered learning their names properly, because he hadn’t been into her shitty legal role-play games.

Dave liked red too, didn’t he? He typed in it at any rate.

No wonder Terezi had liked Dave so much, she had an obsession with the colour. And coolkids too. 

A whine escaped him, but still his body refused to cry. He couldn’t even do the decency of crying over the death of his first matesprit, who he had been completely devoted to, even if they did vacillate like crazy fools. 

Ok, so he vacillated like a crazy fool, because he was easily pissed off. She just got annoyed with him always going black for her at inappropriate times and then flipping back to red. 

It was stupid. He was stupid. He had felt so damn much for her he couldn’t keep from wanting her in any or all the quadrants. His future self would have a field day with that one, he was sure. If he ever got the courage up to ever get into a conversation with himself ever again.

That would probably break him.

Damn, he needed to talk to Jade. She was the closest thing he had ever gotten to a proper Auspistice between his past and future selves. That he actually hated himself enough to need one was beyond insane. Not even Sollux hated himself that much, regardless of what that yellow blooded freak said.

His best fucking friend...

God, why did he have to go through this pain? 

A ping from his laptop announced another message had arrived and sighing he looked at his comp. The words tentacleTherapist flashed on the bottom of the screen with the new message. Slowly, he clicked on it and brought it up to read, still ignoring John’s letter.

Maybe he could ask Rose to tell him to piss off and leave him alone for a while. He needed a break from derpy idiots right now, and at least Rose wasn’t that...

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] –-

TT: Karkat, John has suddenly become inexplicably more worried than normal over your wellbeing. Are you still there?   
CG: YEAH. I WAS ABOUT TO TRY AND FIND SOMETHING AND LEAVE THOUGH. WHY.   
TT: I suppose you conveniently didn’t bother answering the rest of my sentence for a good reason.   
CG: YEAH. YOU ONLY ASKED ONE QUESTION, IDIOT.   
TT: That isn’t what I meant and you know it. But, it is true I did only ask one question so I will let it slide.   
TT: Would you mind telling me where you are going so I can put his mind at ease, before he paces a hole in the floor of the ship and we all fall out of it during the night.    
TT: If there was a difference between day and night here. It is dark continuously.   
TT: Thankfully all the lights are still in functioning order.   
CG: I’M MAKING MYSELF A PILE SOMEWHERE HIDDEN ON THE SHIP I AM ON. TROLLS FIND COMFORT IN PILES. AND I TOLD JOHN WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO.   
CG: THAT REMINDS ME...   
CG: I WANTED TO ASK IF ONE OF YOU WOULD GO BACK TO THE METEOR AND FIND SOME OF TEREZI’S SCALEMATES.    
CG: THEY ARE HER PLUSHIE DRAGONS.    
CG: I THINK IT MIGHT HELP PUT BOTH ME AND THE DOUCHEBAG IN BETTER FRAMES OF MIND TO HAVE SOMETHING OF HERS. AND SHE LOVED THOSE THINGS.   
TT: Which douchebag would this be? My insufferable prick of an ectosibling, or the prankster.   
CG: THE INSUFFERABLE PRICK.    
CG: THERE IS ONLY ONE WHITE ONE. I WANT IT.    
CG: DAVE CAN CHOOSE A WIDE RANGE OF DIFFERENT COLOURED ONES. THERE’S RED ONES TOO.   
CG: SHE HAD A PILE OF THE THINGS SOMEWHERE IN HER RESPITEBLOCK, I’M SURE OF IT.   
TT: Do you want anything from your rooms? It is the only one right now we have access to. Dave is going to try and break into the others to try and salvage things to bring back.    
TT: Any other mementos you want from your other friends?   
CG: WOW, FUCK.    
CG: UMM...   
CG: IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING KANAYA MADE.    
CG: SHE HAD MADE ME A SWEATER, BUT HADN’T GIVEN IT TO ME YET. IF YOU COULD FIND IT, THAT’D BE GREAT. IT HAS MY SIGN ON IT.   
TT: That seems simple enough. I will personally try and find that.    
TT: I believe I will also take a few things of hers for myself. For the same reason.   
TT: You were close to Kanaya?   
CG: SHE WAS A CLOSE FRIEND. WE WEREN’T IN A QUADRANT TOGETHER OR ANYTHING, BUT I THINK SHE WOULD HAVE MADE A GREAT MOIRAIL IF I HADN’T BEEN PALE FOR GAMZEE.   
CG: WELL, MOIRAIL FOR ME AT ANY RATE.    
CG: HER MOIRALLEGIANCE WITH VRISKA WAS AN ONGOING JOKE.   
CG: BUT, YES WE WERE CLOSE.   
CG: WE GOT EVEN CLOSER ON BREEDING DUTIES.   
TT: yes, the frogs you and she made. Jade told me about that.   
TT: She seemed oddly excited that you would be helping her with that part of her own duties too. Along with Kanaya and Dave.   
CG: SHE’S MY AUSPISTICE.    
CG: OH GOD...DOES SHE EVEN KNOW THAT? HUMANS DON’T REALLY DO QUADRANTS AND SOMETIMES THINGS MAY HAVE GOTTEN A BIT CONFUSED AND RED, BUT...   
CG: WOW, I JUST REALISED I REALLY FLIP BETWEEN QUADRANTS IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE EXCEPTION OF MOIRAIL.   
CG: HUH   
CG: FUCK, WHAT AM I SAYING?!    
CG: FORGET THAT SENTENCE.    
CG: NO, FORGET THAT WHOLE THING FROM AUSPISTICE.    
TT: You saying forget it has now inevitably peaked my interest beyond that of seeing just a comment on your romantic entanglements with my friends.   
TT: John told me you might have hit on him at one stage.   
CG: OH GOD...   
CG: I WILL NEVER LIVE THAT DOWN.   
CG: AT LEAST NOW I UNDERSTAND HOW THERE IS THE POSSIBILIY THIS HOMOSEXUALITY THING MIGHT ACTUALLY WORK NOW, WITH ONLY THE FEMALES ABLE TO PRODUCE YOUNG IN YOUR SPECIES.   
CG: HUMANS ARE WEIRD...   
CG: IS IT TRUE FEMALES REALLY BLEED OUT OF THEIR REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS ONCE A MONTH?   
TT: John has a lot of explaining to do later.   
TT: But yes, it is. Only those who are old enough to produce the eggs for fertilization though. I am still slightly too young for that.    
TT: It happens at different times for all girls. Some as young as 8, some as old as 17. 13 is normal.    
TT: Hmm, now that I think of it, I am unsure now I have reached God Tier, that I will even get mine to begin with.   
TT: That both relieves and terrifies me.   
CG: HOW COULD THAT TERRIFY YOU?   
CG: I’D THINK THE WHOLE NOT BLEEDING OUT OF MY NOOK WOULD BE A GOOD THING.   
TT: Oh, I do not particularly relish the idea of bleeding out of my nook as you call it, Karkat.    
TT: But if I don’t, then I can never have children. I’m too young to think of having kids yet, obviously, but one day it may be nice.   
TT: I would try and make my children not be caught in a passive aggressive one-upmanship with me.    
TT: My life would then be complete.   
CG: DID MOST OF YOUR GROUP HAVE SHITTY UPBRINGINGS? I WAS LUCKY WITH MY LUSUS.    
CG: I MISS HIM.   
TT: It doesn’t really work that way, Karkat.   
TT: While my battles with my mother fell in the neglect category, it wasn’t all bad.    
TT: I cared about her and I am sure in some weird way, she probably cared about me.   
TT: I believe the alcohol was at fault for the most part.   
TT: Dave’s guardian abused him which you would have seen on your screen. Teaching a baby to fight isn’t exactly normal in modern human society. Teaching a young child how to sword fight even worse.    
TT: Yet Dave cherished his Bro. And he understands how fucked up that is.   
TT: Point is, it doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you had, you would still miss your lusus.   
CG: BUT MY LUSUS WASN’T ABUSIVE OR NEGLECTFUL. HE GOT CRABBY AT THINGS, BUT IT WAS EXPECTED OF HIM.    
CG: HE DIDN’T BEAT ME, THOUGH WE DID OCCASIONALLY HAVE SOME VERSION OF STRIFE. MAINLY I WOULD TELL HIM TO SHUT UP AND WHACK HIM ON THE CARAPACE WITH THE BLUNT SIDE OF MY PRACTICE SICKLE AND THEN FEED HIM SOME ROE CUBES WHEN HE CALMED DOWN.    
CG: HE LIKED ROE CUBES.   
CG: I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO FIGHT. HE KEPT ME PROTECTED.   
TT: You hit your lusus?   
CG: I DIDN’T DO ANY DAMAGE. IT WAS THE ONLY THING I COULD DO TO TELL HIM WHEN HE’D DONE SOMETHING WRONG OR BAD. ASK JADE. SHE HIT HER LUSUS TOO.   
TT: Jade hit Bec?   
TT: Hmm, was it with a rolled up newspaper by any chance?   
TT: If so, I think I understand what you mean by it.   
TT: And I therefore apologise by hinting that what you were doing with yours was wrong.   
TT: I forgot that your lusus was an animal guardian like Bec was to Jade.    
CG: THAT’S OK. I FIND IT WEIRD YOU HUMANS ARE RAISED BY ADULTS OF YOUR OWN KIND.   
CG: AN ADULT TROLL WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY CULL A WIGGLER LEFT IN THEIR CARE.    
CG: I’M HAVING TROUBLE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THAT.    
CG; I WAS RESCUED BY AN ADULT. HE KIND OF REALLY CREEPS ME OUT SOMETIMES.    
CG: HIS MATESPRIT IS ACTING MOIRAIL FOR ME, BUT I CAN’T FULLY TRUST HER BECAUSE SHE IS AN ADULT. IT JUST WON’T WORK.   
TT: Yes, I would see how that would be a problem.   
TT: And I am suddenly taking this whole conversation as some kind of pale flirting.   
TT: I’m flattered.    
TT: Just so that you know, while I may have been what you would call red for Kanaya, it doesn’t stop me from liking boys too.   
CG: WAIT.   
CG: WHAT.   
CG: HOLY FUCK! I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE I WAS DOING THAT.   
CG: AND I HAVE NO IDEA IF YOU’RE BEING SINCERE OR NOT.    
CG: BUT AT LEAST YOU SEEM TO HAVE SENSE NOT CHOOSING ONE GENDER OVER THE OTHER.    
TT: Kanaya was the first girl I had a crush on. I had already begun crushing on boys. It came as a bit of a surprise, but not a bad one.   
TT: Bisexuality is natural in humans too, Karkat. It’s not the norm as it is in trolls, but it is still a thing that exists.   
CG: KANAYA PREFERRED FEMALES, BUT DID HAVE MALE CRUSHES.    
CG: KANAYA HAD THE BIGGEST FLUSH CRUSH ON VRISKA AT ONE STAGE. SHE GOT OVER IT.   
CG: I THINK SHE WAS ALL READY TO JUMP IN ASHEN FOR ERIDAN AND VRISKA EVEN THOUGH SHE SAID SHE WASN’T INTERESTED.    
CG: LIES I TELL YOU.   
CG: LIES.   
CG: I ALSO THINK SHE MAY HAVE HAD A BLACK CRUSH ON GAMZEE.   
TT: That Eridan, he was very...forward. I didn’t like him at all. At one stage he stated we were perfect rivals and started hitting on me and saying we were destined kismesis.   
TT: I believe that is what he was saying. I erased my conversation with him because of the creep factor.   
TT: You are the romance expert. You would know better than I.   
TT: So, are you interested in me for a moirail?   
TT: Because I am not adverse to the idea. I would be willing to give this a try if nothing else.   
CG: WOW. OK THAT’S A BIT FAST.   
CG: HOW DESPERATE MUST I BE FOR A MOIRAIL THAT PEOPLE ARE FLINGING THEMSELVES AT ME?   
CG: FIRST JOHN, WHICH IS A HUGE NO AND NOW YOU.   
CG: I’M CHECKING THE SHIRT I LOITERED OUT OF THE WARDROBE ON THIS SHIP FOR ANY DIAMONDS ON IT.    
CG: NOPE, NO DIAMONDS.   
CG: ARE YOU HONESTLY INTERESTED, OR JUST WANT ME BECAUSE OF THIS WHOLE THERAPY THING?   
TT: John wants to be your moirail? When did this development take place?   
TT: He sure said nothing of it to me.   
CG: THAT WAS ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE YOU MESSAGED ME.   
CG: AND HE DIDN’T EXACTLY SAY IT OUT LOUD LIKE YOU DID, BECAUSE HE’S IRRITATING AND ANNOYING LIKE THAT.   
CG: I TOLD HIM NO ANYWAY.   
CG: HE LEFT ME ANOTHER MESSAGE AFTER I QUIT TALKING TO HIM, BUT I HAVEN’T READ IT YET.    
CG: AND ANSWER MY QUESTION.   
TT: What question?    
TT: Ah, that one. Yes I was being sincere.    
TT: You may not be considering this as a viable fact, but we have also suffered our losses, and while not as many as you have in the past few days, they are still fresh to us.   
TT: Would it be so hard to believe that maybe I would like someone to talk to and be offered comfort? To have someone tell me what an idiot I am being when I do stupid things in my grief? To have that someone also have been close to the girl I was crushing on?   
TT: Dave told me his plan to get into the other rooms, but that’s about it. He’s refusing to talk to anyone right now. Like you said, he took the death of his bro and then Terezi hard.   
TT: Jade and John are just too...bouncy for my tastes.   
TT: I think I would honestly prefer to try and see how this moirail thing works out than attempt to tell them of my problems. Especially John.   
TT: The last thing I want right now is people trying to comfort me while smiling when I know they should be crying.    
TT: It just seems fake to me. Although it is possible that they are still stuck in denial, or feel it not yet time to start grieving.   
TT: The death of my mother sent me into a Grimdark rage. I do not do grief well on my own.   
CG: FUCK, I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR BLACKOUT. SHIT, I FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST LOSER RIGHT NOW.    
CG: THE MOST RANK STINK BUBBLE THAT COULD EVER BE POSSIBLY MADE FROM THE BOWELS OF THE HORRORTERRORS THEMSELVES AND SQUEEZED OUT OF THE MOST PUSTULE COATED ASS IN CREATION. THAT’S HOW FOUL I AM.   
CG: KANAYA WAS REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT YOU WHEN SHE LOST CONTACT. SHE KEPT WANDERING AROUND WITH A WORRIED FROWN ON HER FACE.    
CG: I LET HER GO HAVE A WALK TO TRY AND CALM HER DOWN. SHE FOUND THE KEY TO OPEN THE CARD WITH THE MATRIORB ON IT. THAT BRIGHTENED HER MOOD.   
CG: SHE TOLD JADE ALL ABOUT IT IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN HEARING THAT STORY.    
CG: YOU KNOW, THE PART BEFORE THE BEHEMOTH LEAVINGS HIT THE WHIRLING DEVICE AND WAS FLUNG EVERYWHERE AROUND THE METEOR.   
CG: A FEW MINUTES LATER, ERIDAN STARTED OFF THE KILLING SPREE THAT LEFT ME ON MY OWN.   
CG: AND THIS HAS VEERED RIGHT BACK INTO FEELINGS JAM TERRITORY HASN’T IT?   
CG: THAT’S IT LALONDE. WE SURELY HAVE OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE MAPPED OUT FOR US IN THE STARS THEMSELVES.    
CG: WE ARE DRAWN TOGETHER WITH OUR MUTUAL NEED TO TELL EACH OTHER ABOUT OUR SHITTY LIVES.    
CG: WHO AM I TO SAY NO TO OUR DESTINED PALE ROMANCE?   
TT: It’s impossible to resist your smooth, sweet talking ways. You have suckered me in with your rank foulness. How could I resist such flowery putrid prose?   
TT: In all honesty, I believe it impossible to do anything other than what we were meant to. If you do, it ends up in a doomed timeline. Or, at least, it did when we were in the game.    
TT: The playing field has now been altered.   
CG: GOD, THIS JUST REMINDS ME OF THAT DOOMED TIMELINE ARADIA SAID HAPPENED ONCE. GAMZEE WENT NUTS AND KILLED EVERYONE IN IT.    
CG: IT IS NOT A DOOMED EVENT FOR US THAT HE KILLED EQUIUS AND NEPETA. THAT WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN.   
CG: WHEN HE STARTS TO KILL OTHERS THAT EQUALS DOOMED TERRITORY. LIKE I SAID TO JADE ONCE, HE’S MY RESPONSIBILITY AND IT WAS MY JOB TO LOOK OUT FOR HIM AND STOP HIM FROM DOING JUST WHAT HE DID.   
CG: IF YOU GO ALL GRIMDARK AGAIN YOUR FRIENDS HAVE THE RIGHT TO KILL ME FOR BEING THE WORST FUCKING MOIRAIL EVER.   
CG: I WON’T EVEN FIGHT, I PROMISE. I’LL JUST STAND THERE AND TAKE WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DEAL OUT AS A PUNISHMENT.   
TT: Alright, Karkat, stop typing for a minute and breathe some nice deep breaths.   
TT: Are you doing so?   
TT: Karkat?   
CG: YES I AM BREATHING.   
CG: I’D KIND OF BE DEAD IF I WASN’T.   
CG: I’M NOT HAVING A PANIC ATTACK OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT ANYWAY SO WHY STOP ME ON A PERFECTLY GOOD RANT?   
TT: You were ranting about the others with me killing you for revenge on you killing me by the sounds of it. Correct me if I am wrong.   
CG: IF YOU WENT BATSHIT INSANE, LALONDE. ARE YOU BATSHIT INSANE?    
TT: Not that I am aware of. I suppose I will know when you come to kill me if that ever happens.    
TT: Thank you for the fair warning in advance. By then I will be too far gone to do so.   
CG: FUCKING BITCH.   
CG: UGH. I JUST FINISHED KILLING MY LAST MOIRAIL BECAUSE HE WENT PSYCHOTIC ON ALL OUR ASSES. I REALLY DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO REPEAT THE PROCESS.   
CG: ONCE WAS WELL ENOUGH FOR ME.   
TT: To put your mind at ease, I am not anywhere near feeling anything at all like I did when I went Grimdark before. It is not sudden and happens in stages.    
TT: Trust me, if I do start going Grimdark, I can warn you and you can snap me out of it.   
CG: YOU’LL BE ABLE TO WARN ME AND GIVE ME TIME TO GET YOU OUT OF IT?   
CG: THANK FUCKING GOD FOR THAT.    
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SCARY IT WAS TO HAVE ONE OF MY MOST LOYAL, FRIENDLY AND CARING FRIENDS SUDDENLY GO BATSHIT INSANE ON ME.   
CG: THE STUPID THING IS I SHOULD HAVE TOTALLY SEEN IT COMING. I WAS WARNED GAMZEE WAS DANGEROUS. FUCK, HE WAS THE BARD OF RAGE, IF THAT WASN’T A BIG ENOUGH HINT.   
CG: WE ALL LAUGHED AT THAT. THOUGHT IT A FUNNY JOKE.   
CG: HA. HA. HA. LOOK AT ME, LAUGHING IT UP HERE.   
TT: Karkat, stop typing. Just...stop.   
TT: Nothing ever comes of thinking on what could have been. If you were warned, then you are forgetting that Gamzee was also an active part of this. Did anyone warn him like you just did me?   
TT: What happened to get him to go batshit insane? Something would have triggered it.   
CG: AM I BEING GIVEN PERMISSION TO SPEAK AGAIN, OH HOLY SEER OF LIGHT.   
TT: Permission is granted, oh great Knight of Blood.   
CG: JOY OF FUCKING JOYS.   
CG: AS FAR AS I CAN TELL IT WAS A MIX BETWEEN WITHDRAWAL AND DAVE’S SHITTY MUSIC VIDEO.   
CG: SOME BAND CALLED ICP? HE DID NOT APPRECIATE THAT. IT SENT HIM INTO A RAGE. HE WENT OFF SOMEWHERE ALONE WITHOUT TELLING ME HE WAS GOING ANYWHERE AND ENDED UP GOING INSANE.   
TT: So, basically he was withdrawing from some form of drug he was addicted to and was driven insane by...Insane Clown Posse.   
TT: We are talking about the juggalo troll, aren’t we? The clown who believed in miracles?   
CG: YEAH, HE WAS BIG INTO CLOWNS AND MIRACLES AND SHIT LIKE THAT.   
TT: You should not tell Dave this. He’d laugh his ass off at the irony of it all. And this is true irony, not the fake stuff he clings to like a shield.   
TT: I can understand how that wouldn’t help anyone. In fact, it would more than likely end with you and Dave at each other’s throats, and you have the sharper teeth.   
TT: Hmm, Dave does however have speed on his side...   
TT: It could quite possibly be an interesting fight to watch, but I digress. No fighting with Dave for a reaction he would have.   
CG: YOU DONE NOW?   
CG: I WON’T FIGHT DAVE. DOES MY SAYING THAT EVEN REMOTELY CONVINCE YOU OF THAT?   
CG: I CAN HOWEVER SAY WITH ALL CERTAINTY THAT IF HE DECIDES TO FIGHT ME, I WILL BITE OUT HIS STUPID THROAT AND WATCH HIM BLEED TO DEATH ON THE FLOOR.   
CG: HE’D RECOVER QUICKLY ENOUGH.   
TT: You would have to catch him first.   
CG: AH, BUT I SPARRED WITH SOMEONE FASTER THAN HIM. GAMZEE MAY HAVE BEEN A TOTAL PUSHOVER TO MOST PEOPLE WHILE DRUGGED OUT OF HIS MIND, BUT HE HAD QUITE A FEW SURPRISES UP HIS SLEEVES.   
CG: ONE WAS SPEED. THE OTHER WAS UNPREDICTABILITY.   
CG: DAVE IS VERY STRAIGHT FORWARD WITH HIS APPROACH. I WATCHED HIM SPARRING WITH HIS BROTHER. HE IS PREDICTABLE. PREDICTABLE WITH SPEED JUST ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH.   
CG: IT’S WHY HIS BROTHER ALWAYS WON.   
CG: SPEED MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IF YOU CAN PREDICT WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO DO NEXT.    
CG: SEE, BRO WAS A GOOD FIGHTER. FAST AND UNPREDICTABLE.   
CG: WHAT WAS HIS NAME ANYWAY?    
TT: That is a good question and one no one actually knows the answer to. Not even Dave.   
TT: I have however predicted that it begins with a D.   
TT: My mother’s name was Roxy.   
TT: John’s grandmother was Jane.   
TT: Jade’s grandpa was Jake.   
TT: The grandparents were rich high rollers. Well known people in other words.   
TT: My mother was a well placed scientist. Again, in the right fields, well known.   
TT: Bro is simply Bro to all.   
CG: OH OK.   
CG: SHIT, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GO NOW.   
CG: I’M BEGINNING TO FALL ASLEEP AT THE DESK. IT’S NOT TOO COMFORTABLE A PLACE TO SLEEP.    
CG: I WISH I HAD A RECUPERACOON TO CURL UP IN, BUT THE BED WILL DO FINE. AT LEAST ITS ONE THAT IS LIQUID FILLED.   
CG: THE WAVY NATURE OF THE BED HELPS RELZX ME.   
CG: WOW HOLY FUCK. RELAX*   
CG: YEAH, I NEED TO GO, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.   
CG: I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER ABOUT PLANS AND INFO DUMPING ON QUADRANTS TOMORROW.   
CG: PREPARE TO BE AMAZED AT THE COMPLEXITIES THAT IS TROLL ROMANCE.   
CG: HMM, MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT AS A MEMO AND TRY TO GET JADE IN TOO...   
CG: ANYWAY, LATER.   
TT: Sleep well. I would say goodnight, but I have lost all concept of time recently. Who can even tell any longer whether it is night or day?   
CG: HAH GOOD POINT.    
CG: AND IT WOULD BE GOOD DAY FOR TROLLS.   
CG: EITHER WAY. SLEEP WELL YOURSELF WHEN YOU GO TO BED. 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which Karkat realises he has a security blanket.

Karkat had been asleep for a solid 6 hours before he woke up shaking and disoriented.

He couldn’t remember being in a dream bubble, which meant he was probably stuck in a stupid nightmare that, now he was awake, he couldn’t even remember. Which meant he slept like he normally did, except for longer.

It took him a minute to figure out where he was and why. Then he remembered the TARDIS was keeping him from dreaming, which meant he had startled himself awake for some reason other than nightmares.

God, please have it not be the Doctor snooping around again, he thought wildly to himself.

Looking around, he found himself exactly as he had been when he went to sleep, shirtless, only the sheet covering him, and with his new boxers on. There was absolutely nothing to indicate someone had been in his block while he slept. The door was still locked even. He must have either been nudged awake by the TARDIS or naturally woke up with a start.

Slowly relaxing, he rubbed sleep out of his eyes, got up and grabbed the clothes he had found yesterday. He’d need to find more. There was no use only having one set of clothing to wear. He made his way to the ablution block and got himself ready for the night. Or was it day?

Fuck, he’d lost all sense of time during his little stay on that meteor and being stuck on a ship in space didn’t help. He had no way of knowing what the time was. It could be anything. His brain was telling him it was early evening though, so he’d go with that.

After he was cleaned and dressed, he stepped out of his room and went in search of the kitchen. He was getting hungry and decided a few slices of toast would be good enough for breakfast. He doubted there was grubloaf available, as this was the wrong universe for it, but he would eat bread too.

Great! Figures. Now he was craving foods he knew wouldn’t exist in this universe. Damn it, that had been one of his favourite foods too. Now he would have to get used to so much new stuff. Find himself some different favourites. And he’d be doing it alone, no lusus, no other trolls.

He was fucked...

Stopping in front of a door the TARDIS had nudged him towards, he peeked into the room and saw it was a kitchen. For such a huge ship, it was small, cosy even. The Doctor was leaning against a counter, sipping at a mug. River was at the table, eating a slice of toast. He was about to turn around and come back when the area was clear of other people, but was spotted almost instantly.

“Karkat! Did you get some sleep?”

He grimaced but nodded in answer. Knowing he was definitely caught out on his being there, he moved fully into the room and headed towards the thermal hull to see what he could scrounge up for a decent meal. After spotting the bread on the counter, he turned his attention to things to put on it. There was no way he was eating dry toast. He only did that if he was sick.

He found an orange condiment he decided to try called marmalade. It had breakfast written on the label so hey, it seemed right anyway. He wasn’t the greatest fan of orange flavoured stuff, but fuck it.

It was then he ran into a problem. It wasn’t a big problem, hell it shouldn’t have really been seen as a problem at all, but his think pan was a little fried right then because of all the shit that had been happening in his life the past few weeks that it was a little bit too much.

The bread heating device was different. Instead of organic like he was used to with most of his appliances, it was purely electrical. He knew he needed to put the bread into the slits at the top and it would toast but...how would it toast? What if it toasted wrong? His back on his hive would automatically make toast the way he liked it, he had his well trained like any troll worth his food would.

He hadn’t even thought of things like this the day before. He hadn’t needed to, as his needs had been met for him. He was used to seeing and knew how to operate the human version of a computer because he had watched them in action and was comfortable with them. That had been no problem, but he hadn’t really been interested in every single tiny thing in a human household. 

He should know how this worked, but he couldn’t...he couldn’t think.

A loud ringing in his ears he’d only ever heard once invaded his head and he said something out loud, and he hoped he was stating he was about to drop, because he couldn’t hear or understand his own words right then.

The last time he had felt like this everything had been drenched in brown and a pair of useless limbs was being held away from their original body. The ringing then had been so proficient in blocking out all other sounds he couldn’t hear when Kanaya had stopped the revving of her chainsaw and no longer heard the screeches of the once sleeping Tavros. 

Quickly putting the jar on the counter, he found he couldn’t catch his breath, he was suddenly covered in a cold sweat and he needed to sit before he fainted. He turned around too fast and was out.

He came to with someone papping his cheek and a cool cloth on his forehead. Also his legs seemed to be floating...no, not floating, he was now getting feeling back in them, they were elevated on someone’s knees. He groaned in embarrassment. “I fainted didn’t I?”

“Yes, but don’t worry, I didn’t let you hit the ground. Wait a minute before you sit back up. Give your body time to come back around or you’ll make yourself dizzy or sick,” the Doctor replied from the direction of his feet. Ah, River must be the one with the cloth and hands on his cheeks then, good. 

“Yeah yeah, fine. Not moving. Got it.” He didn’t really feel dizzy right then, but he did have a headache banging around in his skull. 

After a minute had passed and his head sorted itself out a bit more, thankfully the headache vanished and he slowly raised himself to his elbows. When he didn’t get dizzy or throw up, he allowed himself a hum of relief and sat himself up, pulling his legs off the Doctor as he did so.

“What set that off?” he was asked, as River began rubbing comforting circles on his back.

“The bread hea...no, fuck it, you guys use Highblood vernacular and right now the less words I say the better. The toaster is different. Might be only a small fucking difference, but when everything is going to be different it just...”

“Overwhelmed you. Do you want to stay here today? We can always go somewhere later tomorrow.”

“Oh my god! Shut the fuck up, I fainted, I’m not injured or sick. I’m fine. I just want something to eat and to get off the ship for a few hours.” Right then all he wanted was to know a real time. Get his rhythm back in some kind of order, because he had been doing way too much sleeping lately and not enough of anything else.

“Anywhere in particular you want to go?”

He frowned. “The only planet in this entire miserable universe I fucked up with is Earth. The four kids I know from that planet wouldn’t be in this alternate timeline to theirs, as they only would be in two different timelines of the universe. Fuck if I know anything or anyone else though.”

“Ooh, Earth is my favourite,” the Doctor stated, and River laughed loudly before stopping her rubbing. 

“You can always watch me make the toast, and experiment with the toaster for your own preferences later. It will save time if nothing else.”

Deciding to take River up on her help, Karkat nodded, before he frowned. “I wanted to try that orange condiment, the breakfast one. I’ve never had it before. Never even heard of it. Fuck, I’m hungry...” He was definitely headed for his moult if he could be hungry after fainting. Last time that had happened he had felt sick.

“Marmalade, not everyone likes it.”

They were having a boring conversation that was civil about breakfast foods. Holy fuck, his life was beginning to unravel. Fuck, no, he was not going to start crying now. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly and managed to not burst into an embarrassing display of hysterical screaming to go with the fainting he did earlier.

Fuck his past self to the furthest reaches of paradox space. Fuck that guy so fucking hard...

He got up and made his way back over to the counter, this time paying attention. As much attention as he could anyway without thinking that everything was just so...metallic and dead in this universe. At least the ship had a consciousness and was able to communicate, that was at least on par with the helmsmen of the Alternian Fleet and at least familiar to him.

As he knew, the bread went into the slots at the top, a lever on the side was pushed down and that turned the heating on inside and lowered the bread. Okay, that was easy enough to understand, this was simple. He had freaked out over absolutely nothing.

“Not everyone likes their bread toasted the same way, so there is this dial on the side to twist around until you find one you prefer. But for now, please eat this.” River got a plate and set it down beside the toaster. The toast was mainly still white, with a bit of a golden edge to it. He liked his to be all golden brown and toasted, but fuck he’d take it.

“Yeah, thanks, I’ll find a setting I like later.”

This was so fucking embarrassing...

He was shown the drawer with the eating utensils and grabbed a knife and the marmalade, spreading a thin layer onto his breakfast, just in case he didn’t like it. 

He found he didn’t actually mind the taste. It wasn’t too sweet or bitter as he had feared. The texture was more like jam than anything else. Orange jam for breakfast. Huh, humans were weird. Why had they called this marmalade?

A hand waved in front of his face, and he turned to see the Doctor looking worriedly at him from across the table. “Are you alright? Where were you just then?”

Confused, Karkat shrugged a shoulder and told the truth. “I was right here. Where else would I be. I just got lost in thought. Why the fuck do they call orange jam, marmalade? Why not just call it what it is? It makes no sense...”

River laughed, before sitting beside him with a mug of what smelled like chamomile tea. “As a rule, humans can be a weird species, Karkat. As one, I am very fond of our trait of not making sense.”

Rolling his eyes, he scowled, before shoving the rest of the piece of toast in his hand into his mouth. He was therefore too busy chewing to answer the inevitable question on if he was ready to go or not, so he just nodded instead. Getting up, he followed the two adults as they made their way to the console room. He had finished with the toast by the time they got there.

“First off, there’s something you need to know. I know you have this thing going on with River right now, but she doesn’t actually live on board the ship. She has a job as an archaeologist out there in the universe and I am dropping her off first. If you want to say bye, you may want to do it now.”

Karkat found, to his further embarrassment, that the rest had done his tear ducts some good if nothing else, because hearing that the only adult he felt wouldn’t try anything suspicious was leaving him with the one that already had, got the sudden reaction of crying. He buried his face in his hands and tried to control himself to no effect.

Stupid fucking mood swings. He had gone most of his life putting up a front of anger to stop himself from crying and as soon as personal deaths started entering his life (not with his lusus though, Terezi had been watching at the time and she hadn’t known his blood colour then) he turned into a ball of negative feelings and started crying all over the place.

Gamzee was the first to see him cry. Was the first to know his blood colour. Was the first to not fuck up everything with the evidence that he was a mutant. He was pretty sure Gamzee saw his freaky blood colour as a miracle. Was it any wonder he ended up with Gamzee as his moirail? 

Without thinking, he quickly ran into the nearest hallway and hit the walls with both hands. He needed to stop fucking crying! 

Thankfully neither of the two adults followed him and he got himself under some semblance of control before he managed to injure his hands. The ache in them helped dull the emotional pain somewhat and he sighed with the stupidity of his own actions. He would need to deal with this and he knew it, but right now he needed to have some time out, get off the ship and try to have some fun. 

What he really wanted was to curl up in a pile somewhere with his moirail. And even that was confusing right now, as he hadn’t exactly told River that he had found someone to replace her. And Rose was stuck on the other ship right now, as she couldn’t get to this ship because Jade couldn’t find it until it landed...

Gamzee was dead. 

He had killed him with his regiscythe.

He...he didn’t feel too good.

Taking a few deep breaths, he got himself to the point where he didn’t think moving would make him vomit up his breakfast and stood up straighter. If he was going to do anything this day, it may as well be now. Turning back to the entrance of the console room, he slowly made his way back.

He had been close enough to hear the silence from the two adults. So he knew they hadn’t been talking about him behind his back. He wasn’t expecting them to be in different parts of the Console room though. River was visible as soon as he re-entered the room, her eyes closed as she listened to what he assumed to be invisible music. 

He only spotted the Doctor when he looked down at the floor and found the see through material helpful. He was playing around with some wires while sitting on a swinging seat.

The Doctor looked up and spotted him, giving him a wide smile. “I’ll be just a moment. The TARDIS is being unreasonable at the moment. One of her wires frayed. Almost done down here.”

Sighing, Karkat turned to River. “Umm, I have something I need to tell you. And I would have already if I wasn’t such a bulge chafing idiot with enough emotional problems to fit into every battleship the Imperial Fleet had to offer. I talked to my friend Rose yesterday and she asked me to be her Moirail. She has...problems when it comes to her own grief and she thinks it might be beneficial to her to try it out. I accepted, because I need a moirail right now like a mother grub needs the slurry once a sweep. She’s easy to talk to though and has all this kind of psychological bullshit going on. But it does seem mutual right now and...Yeah.”

River grinned at him after that, before nodding. “I didn’t believe I was going to be a permanent moirail for you, Karkat. I’m an adult and you aren’t. I know enough to know that wouldn’t work. I am glad that someone asked you though.”

Nodding, feeling better now that that bit of awkwardness was out the way. He frowned and went over to the edge of the platform the console was on and looked down. “Is it ready yet? I want to see sky again.”

The Doctor wasn’t looking at him, instead he was frowning at a wire he was holding, now unattached to the TARDIS. “Hmm? Oh! Yes. Just wondering where to put the leftovers. Hopefully that feels better for the old girl. Still, a bit of old wiring could be useful if fixed up a bit...throw or keep?”

Growling, Karkat threw his hands in the air, before crossing them over his chest. “I don’t fucking care, do I? All I care about is getting off the ship and having some fresh air to breathe for the first time in, oh, four fucking weeks!?”

He basically squeaked out the last three words, but he didn’t rightly care right then. This was his day to be humiliated, why not? He’d be glad when his voice decided to stay at the nice lower tone it was turning into. It made him feel less childish. Not like he wasn’t acting like a wiggler right then. He was impatient and cranky and generally liked to hurry through everything. 

Yet again, that was basically his default setting. His mood did seem to careen around the emotional spectrum though. Speed of light emotional tantrum, that was him. How thrilling. Hopefully he would feel better once he could join up with Rose and have a proper feelings jam. Jade did say she’d be able to find him once the TARDIS stopped after all.

God, he hoped she had been right. He really needed someone to talk to. Damn it, when he got back inside from this little trip, he was going to construct his damn pile. He was getting to the point where he was willing to start papping himself.

Karkat watched as the Doctor, done with his work, stowed the small piece of wire in one of his pockets, rubbed his hands against his shirt, before he bounced to his feet and ran up the stairs. “Alright, Karkat, River, let’s go! First stop, River’s office.”

The loud sound of the engines making a sound like very high pitched wheezing startled Karkat enough to jump. He had forgotten or perhaps had been too busy feeling sorry for himself to notice that sound before. And the weird thing was the ship had been in flight the entire time yet had only just started making that sound. What the fuck was up with that?

Damn, he was jumping out of his skin over a stupid noise now, one that wasn’t even hostile in nature. He grabbed hold of the railing that was in front of him and took some steadying deep breaths. A few seconds later, the sound stopped. 

“See you same time next week, Sweetie?” River asked, staring at the Doctor with a look that told him he should not be in the same room with them right now. He closed his eyes and turned around. He hoped that they had the decency to not start mating in front of him. Did humans do that? He didn’t know, the only ones he knew were his age and had the decency to keep any mating behaviour to themselves and in the privacy of their bathrooms and/or beds. Not that he had watched them at it or anything. Nope, that shit was weird. He did not want to know what human junk looked like.

Oh god, River and the Doctor were kissing, he could hear them at it. Thankfully it didn’t last that long, and before he knew it, he could once again hear the engines and River was gone. He hadn’t heard the Doctor reply to River’s comment. 

“Anywhere in particular you’d like to go? Any time of day, or particular type of world?”

Turning to face the Doctor, Karkat frowned and chewed on his bottom lip for a second. Shrugging he replied, “I don’t know. It would be interesting to see what insect species here are like, I guess. See what kind of competition my people would have had. I would like them to be nice though. I don’t think I’d be able to handle much of a fight right now. Not that I can’t fight! I can! I just...I need a break from it right now.”

The Doctor grinned at him. “Well, most insectoid species I know tend to aggression, much like yours, but there is one I know which is nice. When I was there only one was left, but she was very polite and nice. It was also quite dark, but...it was the end of the universe at the time...I will just go there a bit earlier!”

Nodding, not really caring right then of anything other than seeing stars in the sky, he leaned against the railing and tried to relax. It wasn’t easy. Since waking up, he had been jumpy for no reason, and now it was worse. Was it because he was now left alone with no one but the Doctor, who he was wary around, or was it because of other reasons? He didn’t want to think about what those other reasons were right then, but he knew they were a definite factor into his behaviour.

When the sound of the engines stopped again, he was afraid to go to the door and poke his head out of it to see what was on the other side. He was so, so fed up with being scared. Growling loudly, he marched himself to the door and almost pulled it off its hinges to get it open. 

Outside was a view of a hivelike city. And he was suddenly hit with a wave of homesickness so strong he was left leaning against the door. It looked nothing like the hives each individual troll built his or her self, and it wasn’t a city with tall hive stems with individual and small hives attached to them, like what Sollux had lived in. No, it was mostly hives built into the walls of huge cliffs, nice and dark, with naturally made bridges spanning from one side to the next for easy access to the entire area. 

They obviously lived in harmony with each other, and with no weaponry in view, no ships on patrol and no lusii barging out to protect their charges, it made him feel so utterly stupid for feeling anything even remotely like being homesick.

He slowly slid down the door, barely feeling the floor when he hit it. Then the Doctor was leaning over him all worried and he was being mothered again. 

“Are you alright?”

Nodding, he felt himself swallowing heavily, because he seemed to have something stuck down his wind pipe. At least he wasn’t crying again. 

“Karkat? Please say something.”

He turned to look at the Doctor, quickly looked away and before he could think of something smart to say, the words in his head came out. “I want to go home.”

There was silence for what was probably a minute at the most, though it felt twice as long. The Doctor sighed beside him, before sitting down and placing a hand lightly on his knee. “Do you want to go down there, see it up close?”

Shaking his head, Karkat sighed and turned his gaze to the sky. “No. I thought I would, but I don’t. Can I just stay here for a while? I need to breathe real air. The stars here are so different...everything is so different.”

“That’s fine. Do you want me to get you anything? A glass of water?”

Frowning for a second as he thought if he was thirsty enough to want water, he nodded slightly. “Okay. Water sounds good. And my blanket. I want my blanket.”

Five minutes later he sat against the door with his blanket tightly wrapped around him, staring up at unfamiliar stars in an unfamiliar universe and felt lonelier than he ever had in his life.

The Doctor didn’t leave his side.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do I hemospectrum? I always thought Equius was Indigo and Gamzee purple, so yeah. That's the order I have it. 
> 
> Also, yeah, more headcanon here.

Chapter Eight

The Doctor had thought that getting off the ship would have done Karkat some good, but the boy had frozen at the last possible second. He didn’t know if it was an inability to step off the ship due to fright at it being an alien planet, or if it was some other reason. He wouldn’t be the first to freeze or be scared of standing on alien soil for the first time, after all.

He didn’t ask. In fact, he didn’t say anything for two whole hours, because he felt that what Karkat needed the most just then was silent company. So, he sat down on the other side of the door, getting up only to refill the pitcher of water he had brought out for them to drink when it emptied. 

Karkat was drinking a lot. He wondered if a quick sonic would tell him what was wrong, but considering his main tool for pretty much everything wasn’t going to help him even if he did get correct information, decided against the idea.

He didn’t know enough about Karkat’s species. That could end up becoming a big problem if he got sick or injured. Judging from the way he was acting, it was likely Karkat was going to get ill at least once while staying in the TARDIS. He would have to make sure that there was plenty of food and water for the boy, as he refused to have someone starving themselves, even if it is unintentionally due to grief, on his ship.

He was pretty sure the TARDIS would warn him if Karkat was physically sick while outside his presence. As to outside the TARDIS herself...well, he’d have to keep an eye on him. The last thing local species needed was a Troll running wild and free without adult supervision.

Karkat stirred in his blanket and sighed. “We ran out of water again...”

And now was the right time. That was almost two whole pitchers of water. “Does your species normally drink this much?”

He was given a blank look at his question, before Karkat shrugged. “No. I’m entering the beginning of a moult. I’ll drink a lot, and then I will eat and drink a lot. Then I will pretty much be inactive for days. As in, not move at all, let alone getting up for food. It’s in preparation to survive through the period and for energy. My skin will be thin and sensitive for a few more days as I grow. It will harden and then I will go back to my normal nutritional patterns.”

The Doctor relaxed. It was a normal life cycle then. Alright, he could deal with being alone for a few days when this happened. And Karkat hadn’t yet reached the eating everything in sight part of it. Still if it was needed that much, maybe he should fill the pitcher again. “Want more water?”

Karkat shook his head. “Any more and I’ll be up half the day pissing. That’s not really something I’d look forward to. I don’t need any more right now. Guess it was just some stupid reaction to having the glass so close to my fucking hands that made me reach for it.”

They fell into an awkward silence. Well, an awkward silence for him at any rate, for all he knew Karkat was enjoying it. Shifting against the door, he sighed before bouncing to his feet. He was stared at for his actions, but he didn’t care. He wandered a few feet out onto the soil of Malcassairo.

“So! Want to join me? We don’t have to go down to the conglomeration if you don’t want to, but you’ve been sitting down for hours at a time and it’s beginning to hurt my back leaning against the door and I can’t imagine you’re doing any better in that regard.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, but got to his feet, pulled off his blanket and took a light step out onto the planet. There had been no hesitation, no wonder at being on a new planet. Which meant his hesitation before had nothing to do with that reason. 

Now he was here, Karkat didn’t seem very interested in being there. The Doctor sighed, before pointing down at the nearest building they could see, carved into the rocks of the cliff face. “This species is diurnal, as predatory species come out to hunt at night. Or at least they did a long time ago. Prey was too hard to catch, so the predators evolved to hunt during the day before they died out. Quite fascinating really, on other worlds they might have gone extinct.”

Karkat looked down into the cliff face and sighed. “That would have been my species, the predators. Except for us we started off subterranean and moved up to the land. The sun was terribly bright though, it would blind us if we went out during the day unless you were a Jadeblood. Or undead. So we evolved nocturnal.”

“Are you sure the sun would blind you if you went out during the day? That seems a bit unusually bright.”

“I dunno if it works all the time, or if it is looking at the sun for over half a second...but yeah, I’m sure. One of my friends was blinded on purpose that way as payback for a lost arm and eye. Thank god those two stopped their petty little revenge cycle once the game started. Well, sort of.”

The Doctor looked down at the kid and frowned. “Revenge cycle?”

Karkat nodded. “Yeah. Vriska jumped Tavros off a cliff using his mind, which paralysed him from the waist down. Aradia, Tavros’s teammate didn’t like that very much and so she sent the ghosts of Vriska’s flarping victims to haunt her. Vriska, not being able to stand that for too long used Sollux, Aradia’s moirail, to kill Aradia. Terezi didn’t like that much, thinking it going way too far and so she made something explode in Vriska’s face, trying to kill her. Instead, Vriska lost an arm and eye. Vriska blinded Terezi in return, thinking it would leave her helpless and get her culled. Terezi thanked her for blinding her. Hah, god that was funny. She actually thanked her, because she enjoyed being blind, as she had a lusus who could teach her how to see without her eyes, using smell and taste.”

The Doctor had trouble believing that, especially given how lightly Karkat was speaking about it. This troll species was definitely something else. Sure, there were species that were aggressive everywhere in the universe, but those two girls were friends and did that stuff to each other? And there had been a fatality and no one seemed to care except this Terezi person. No race should be that calm about death. Especially a violent death by someone you should be able to trust. 

“Someone died in that mess and no one cared?”

Karkat stared at him for that. “Everyone cared. It’s just...people die all the fucking time on our planet. Do the wrong thing in front of the wrong person, instant death. I couldn’t go out in public on the off chance I accidentally began bleeding, or crying, or blushing. Anything that tipped off what my blood colour was...haven’t I already explained this to you? Or was that with John or Jade or Rose?”

“You said something, yes. To me, that is. I don’t know about your friends.”

“Fuck, I’m repeating myself a lot apparently. I can’t concentrate properly.”

“That’s normal.”

Karkat angrily stomped his way back to the TARDIS doors, but didn’t step inside. “Fuck normal. I’ve never been normal. I’m going for a walk...” With that said, he turned away from the TARDIS and marched off on stiff legs to a spot still in sight, though barely. 

Sighing, the Doctor slowly walked after him, not truly knowing what could happen to a boy in such a volatile state. What he saw made him stop. Karkat had found himself a tree and was tearing it up with a sickle he held in his left hand. It was the brightest sickle he had ever seen, so much so he’d barely believe it would be made by anyone for any use, let alone for fighting.

As someone who had a very long lifespan, the Doctor had witnessed a lot of fighting with a lot of different weapons, and he had also learnt how to use several. The sickle was rarely used as a weapon. There were some cultures in a wide variety of places, including Earth which did make them weapons, but the blades are usually straight or only slightly curved. This bright pink one, with green and white edges looked like the farming tool. It was so rounded, it was amazing he wasn’t hurting himself moving the way he was.

Karkat made it look like an art style. He made it look easy. He was light and fast and elegant on his feet. He never hit the tree in order to try and chop it down. Rather, he tore small lines in the bark. This couldn’t possibly be a childish fit of anger, his movements were far too controlled for that. 

After fifteen minutes of slicing at the tree, Karkat stopped, panting and licking his lips. “I need a drink...” And with that said, the boy turned back around and walked back into the TARDIS.

Confused as to what had just happened the Doctor studied the tree for a few moments, before grinning and making his way back. At least he knew Karkat could defend himself if needed and quite well at that. For now though, it was time to eat, especially for growing boys. 

He found Karkat in the kitchen, sitting at the table in the little kitchen they had had breakfast in, an empty glass in front of him and munching on a chicken leg. Well, at least he didn’t have to force the boy to eat, that was a good thing. He was by this point sure things could get rather messy if he pushed Karkat too far.

He went and got himself his own leg to eat, before sitting down opposite him. He stayed quiet hoping not to scare him off. They had finally begun getting to know each other earlier while outside. Well, he got more out of Karkat at any rate. He had known on some level that Alternia was basically a bad planet, but he hadn’t really thought about it being a world where children were turned into killers at such a young age.

To be so proficient in a weapon and yet having only just reached 13...Karkat must have been practising his entire lifespan so far, to be as good as he is.

“How long have you been fighting?” he asked before he could stop himself.

The boy looked up at him and shrugged. “Technically, 4 weeks. I’m not much of a fighter.”

“Not much of a fighter? You fight better than most people I have met, and I’m over a thousand years old.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and shrugged, tearing off a piece of meat and slowly chewing on it. Alright, he clearly wasn’t going to get an answer from that and, oddly enough, the boy hadn’t even blinked at the rough estimation of his age. Most kids his age would think it either incredibly cool or impossible.

“Where did you learn to fight then?”

Another shrug, but this time he got an answer. “Movies. A lot of free time. I picked up a sickle as weapon of choice when I had finished the construction of my hive and started watching television. I wanted to be a threshecutioner as soon as I saw the first episode of Thresh Prince. Their weapon was the sickle. My lusus made sure I got a practice one, and I taught myself in the most wiggler inspired way possible. Bouncing around in the privacy of my respiteblock looking like a fucking idiot.”

The Doctor instantly knew that this was something that Karkat liked. Whether it had something to do with the show, or an actor in it, or the job he had wanted to be when he grew up, he didn’t know, but it was the happiest he’d ever seen him look. Karkat had that look in his eye of someone with a passion for something. 

Smiling, he nodded. “Sometimes I think I learnt things better in my room too, when I was young. Sometimes it was the only way I’d learn anything. I...wasn’t too popular on my planet.”

“Fuck that shit, we all learnt everything in the room we have our computer in. I kept mine in my respiteblock, because it was the quietest room in the hive. My lusus set himself up in the entertainment block you see. I’d watch my shows with him in there, but all schooling was done where I could hear myself think.”

“Raised by the internet?”

“What? Oh, no. Not really. I mean I spent most of my time on the internet sure, but the lessons weren’t like that. We were given government funded lessons so that we could be good law abiding citizens of Alternia. After we learnt to read and write of course. They were traced so they knew if you didn’t work on them too, but that’s adults for you. Fucking bastards. You know we learnt the normal kind of stuff like science, math, physics, and language. And then there were the extra things thrown in there too for ‘fun’. Learn the hemospectrum and your place on it. What special power, if any, do you have? Adult jobs, the hemospectrum and you! The importance of keeping the Mothergrubs healthy and happy. Drone season and what to expect. Producing genetic material? Don’t forget your pail. Oh fuck...damn it. I hid mine in a cubby under some stairs no one else would think to look. I’ll have to tell the others about that, or find a new one or...something. Oh god, how embarrassing.”

The Doctor honestly had no idea what was so embarrassing about that, but decided to stay quiet for once, because the look Karkat was giving him was promising death if he said something about it. So, change of subject then, well, sort of. “You fight really well for someone self taught.”

He shrugged again and hunched up a little afterwards. Bad subject it seemed, but he still got an answer.

“We all learnt to fight to the best of our abilities by ourselves at a young age. Not being able to fight means death. If you aren’t strong enough to live then you die. When a fight can break out at any moment with any random stranger on the street, you want to know how to defend yourself. I had the added worry of people cutting me and seeing my blood. Wouldn’t matter how much of a good fighter I was then, I’d be dead. What the fuck is up with me repeating that every two fucking seconds?! Ugh, I hate this.”

They drifted off into silence after that. The Doctor was sure that anything he said about it would be completely ignored. They finished eating their lunch, before Karkat got up, drank two more glasses of water from the tap, before making his way out into the corridors of the TARDIS. 

Getting up, he followed Karkat out. “Wait a moment. Outside, do you normally get so angry that you feel like hurting something?”

Sighing loudly, Karkat shook his head. “No. Mainly I just yell a lot. I told you, I’m not much of a fighter.”

“I told you before that you’d probably be more angry than normal. Come with me, I want to show you a room that might help with that. Afterwards you can go and find some more clothes and take a bath.”

He got glared at for that last bit, but Karkat kept silent and followed after him regardless of his personal feelings. Thankfully. He wanted as little damage as possible happening inside and outside the TARDIS, and the only thing he could think of to satisfy that sudden aggression in Karkat was to get him to let it out of his system.

The TARDIS seemed to follow his lead as the door to the room he was looking for was very close to the console room today. Grinning, he went to the door and flung it open. “Here we are! Anything you’d like to do in a training sense so you still use your sickle you can do so in here. There’s also a running track, mats, several different types of machines to work on muscle development and strength. The dummies over by the far wall are made out of a very strong yet light material your sickle won’t be able to destroy so you can hit them as hard as you want and you won’t do any damage. It’ll help to get it out of your system.”

Karkat blinked and walked into the room. The Doctor watched as he walked around, touching some of the machines neatly lined up along one wall. He seemed particularly interested in the punching bag. And the mats. It might do him good to find some people who do fight with sickles to teach him properly...

“I can come in here at any time? I’m not barred or anything? Are you going to be standing over my shoulder the entire time? Because that is fucking creepy, just so you know.”

He grinned at the boy and shook his head. “No bars, no supervision, unless you want it. Although, I will say this, if you are planning to hurt yourself in a way the TARDIS thinks is bad, she will probably bar you herself. And talk to someone if you feel like hurting yourself, please. That can lead to serious problems you don’t need in your life right now.”

Karkat grimaced at him, before rubbing his arms. “I wouldn’t do anything to break bones or draw blood anyway. If I was into that shit, I would have started long ago.”

The Doctor believed him. Still, with his seeming aversion to wearing clothes that don’t cover every inch of his body but his face, it was hard to tell if Karkat was at risk of, or already, self injuring. And yet again, there were ways of doing so without drawing blood...

The TARDIS showed him a flash of Karkat hitting one of her walls and he frowned. “If you feel like punching something, please use the bag for that purpose. Don’t attack the walls, the TARDIS won’t like that too much.”

Karkat blushed slightly at that, his cheeks turning a light red. He only just noticed that, with how thick the skin was, that the colour showed through at all was amazing. If Karkat had been human he would be bright red right about now. 

“I didn’t punch the wall, I smacked it, open hand and everything. I told you, I’m not into doing anything that breaks bones or draws blood. I just...I needed to stop crying. I’m always fucking crying now. It pisses me off! Why am I so fucking weak? Stupid damn fucking emotions! I’ve always been too damn sensitive for my own health.”

The Doctor frowned down at the boy and wondered what would be a good thing to tell him. In a culture where every day could lead to a battle for survival, being emotionally sensitive did seem to be a bad thing. Not being as much of a fighter as on first appearances also added to that.

Well, he was beginning to realise why Karkat may have been pretty much a recluse living off of his computer. 

Then he remembered what Karkat had said in his speech earlier. His species had different types of abilities. If there were psychic abilities, well, that could be the problem.

But Karkat seems to not be aware of it...

Hmm.

“Karkat, what do you know of empathy?”

Karkat, who had been bouncing on his feet on the mats, turned to look at him. “These mats are protective for falls?”

“Yes. Empathy, Karkat, do you know of it.”

“Isn’t that figuring out what other people are feeling? It wasn’t much of a thing. I mean, we could all figure it out by simple observation. Why give it a name?”

“That’s called being empathetic. There’s a difference from being empathic and being empathetic. Everyone can be empathetic. Empathy itself can be a psychic power. A lot of people tend to have a low ability for empathy, but in some it is very strong. When you said that your people had abilities, what kind of abilities?”

Karkat shrugged. “Psychic, physical. The lowbloods are usually more psychically gifted, the Highbloods more physically powerful. The green bloods tend to have no psychic or physical abilities though. They’re...middleclass you could say.”

“Oh! That’s interesting! How many of your group of friends had powers?”

Ducking his head to look at the mats, Karkat sighed before sitting down and getting as comfortable as possible. “There were 12 of us. Two of them were green, I am off the charts. So, 9 had power of some kind.”

“What kind of powers?”

“Really? You want all of them?”

“It would help me with perspective right now, there is a point to this.”

“Fuck. Fine! I’ll go by hemospectrum then...Aradia had the ability to speak to the dead. She was also telekinetic. 

“Tavros could communicate with animals, make them do what he wanted or get them to back off or whatever. An animal telepath only. It didn’t work on people. 

“Sollux could hear the voices of those who were about to die and had...a lot of psychic energy. I don’t really know how to explain it, he wasn’t exactly telekinetic like Aradia was, but he could move things with his power if he wanted to. He could also use it as a weapon, shooting laser beams out of his eyes. He gave an impressive light show, that’s for sure. 

“Nepeta was green and didn’t have a power, but she took her form, being agile, small and fast and used it to her best ability. She was the best hunter/tracker we had. 

“Kanaya didn’t have a power, but her caste made her...nurturing and calm. 

Terezi was...well, I don’t know if she had any real power until the game started. But then we all had our own power and that’s not included here...Terezi was manipulative and could smell her way around instead of seeing. She was blinded as I said earlier. But that was a skill taught to her by her lusus not an actual ability. She was teal, so between green and blue. I guess her power was more green than blue, though her manipulation skills were top notch they could be have been considered a power but weren’t. It was just pure talent on her part. So...wow, I guess none. Huh.

“Vriska could manipulate people’s minds directly. Make you do whatever she wanted. I don’t think it went as far as her being able to actually read minds, just manipulate them. It only works fully on trolls though. She could make the humans fall asleep but that was her extent of power towards them. 

“Equius was extremely physically powerful. I mean, he couldn’t touch things without breaking them if they weren’t enforced kind of powerful. It made him angry and lonely, but hey he came in handy.

“Gamzee had those fucking chucklevoodoos of his. He could literally make people scared, fear everything. He didn’t use them until he went stark raving mad, which makes it all the scarier really. No one had any clue he had psychic ability. He was a fucking Highblood, he’s not supposed to. We just thought he was some damn lovable clown that fought off seadwellers with his clubs. He was also surprising very, very fast on his feet. Flash stepping son of a bitch. 

“Eridan and Feferi were seadwellers, so they also had physical strength, though it wasn’t as obvious as Equius or Gamzee. Feferi comes from the ruling class, fuchsia blood. Both of them could live comfortably underwater. They lugged around whales daily. Whales. Singlehandedly. Show offs...”

The Doctor thought about those for a while and pieced together little bits of information. The trolls had used the western astrological signs as their personal marks. Karkat was Cancer. Judging from the way he had gone down the list, he guessed that this Aradia had been Aries, as she had gone first, which means that Karkat would be in between Sollux the psychic and Nepeta of the no power greens. So there was a missing colour.

“Is there a missing colour to your hemospectrum?”

Karkat stared blankly at him. “What the fuck does that mean? No. Burgundy, Bronze, Ochre, Olive, Jade, Teal, Cerulean, Indigo, Purple, Violet, Fuchsia. That’s it.”

“Has that always been it?”

“Well, there used to be Lime bloods too. But they went extinct hundreds of sweeps ago. Why?”

The Doctor tilted his head to one side, fascinated by that. “Why did one of your castes go extinct and not the others? Isn’t that a bit weird?”

“They were hunted to extinction. They apparently had this passive psychic ability that scared the shit out of the Highbloods. The Condesce didn’t like that much so ordered them all dead. So, they all died. Extinction met. Only one caste.”

With that the Doctor grinned. “I’m guessing these lime blooded trolls were between the ochre and olive, yes?”

“Yeah, so?”

“In the position that you put yourself on the hemospectrum.”

“I’m not ON the hemospectrum. I’m a fucking mutant freak.”

“What would you have been if you weren’t a mutant? Do you know?”

Karkat froze at that and frowned heavily. “I...I never even really thought about it much before. I have no psychic or physical ability. So I guessed I’d be Olive or Jade. Male Jades were extremely rare, so I put myself as Olive. Why?”

“You keep complaining of being emotionally sensitive, a trait not common or very welcoming in your species I take it.” Karkat shook his head. “I am guessing this isn’t new to you. You were born with it. It isn’t part of your grief.”

“Yeah, I was hatched with it. Why?”

“I believe that you do have a psychic ability. Being an Empath can make you emotionally sensitive. Not to your own emotions but to those of the people around you. It may explain why you are more alert around me than you were around River. I have shields around both my thoughts and emotions to try and minimize damage to those around me with telepathic or empathic abilities. You’re not getting any information off of me, and it makes you wary.”

He got scowled at for that one. Karkat always seemed to be scowling at him. “Right, you’re saying I have a psychic ability that I never even knew existed?”

“You said Lime bloods had a passive psychic ability that they were killed for. This could be considered passive.”

“Yeah, feeling other people’s emotions must be an absolutely terrifying ability. Oh my god, run for the hills, he will feel your feels for you.”

“You said once you had calmed Gamzee down out of a rage after he killed two of your friends. How did you do it?”

“I became his moirail. I shoosh papped it out of him. Any troll could have done it.”

“Are you sure?”

“...well, he did kind of have a pale crush on me. Or so I was told. He was always so stoned out of his mind I couldn’t tell. He was...peaceful. His quirk drove me out of my mind, but he was...peaceful.”

“Why do you always hesitate before saying peaceful?”

“I don’t know. Fuck you is why. I just don’t get how I can have a psychic gift I didn’t even know was possible. And it’s not much of a gift. Fucking cursed all over, that’s me. I was cursed before entering the game and now I find out I was made cursed. Nice to know I can’t win. In anything. I fucking hate myself so much right now...”

“Karkat...” He had wanted to tell the boy that he shouldn’t be too hard on himself for something he had only just learnt, and which was still only a theory on his part, but Karkat wouldn’t have any of it.

“No! No, you shut up. You shut up and leave me alone for a while. I need to be alone and think. Ugh! This is...this is a bit too much right now, alright? I’m going to go find some more clothes and have a bath...”

He left him alone.

He definitely needed to take things slow with this one.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning here for a flashback involving death of Terezi (hanging). Karkat is having a bad, bad day.

Chapter Nine

The wardrobe was bigger than he remembered it. Whether he had been out of his mind the last time he was in there or it had much more range now, he didn’t know. All he really did for a fact know was that he had a bundle of clothing he would willingly wear in his arms within five minutes.

He had a bath before anything else, because holy fuck did he stink of stale sweat. It felt good to be clean again after his little strife with the tree earlier. The hot water also helped loosen his muscles a bit. God, was he tense. He decided that it wouldn’t hurt anyone if he just laid in there and relaxed for a bit.

Again.

He was doing that a lot lately. Baths were fast becoming his favourite thing.

The warm water was the closest thing he could get to sopor slime. Too bad he couldn’t sleep in the tub.

The last conversation he had with the Doctor was still running through his head and he still couldn’t believe it. There was no way he had any psychic ability, and even if he did, it wouldn’t be something as utterly stupid as the ability to know what others were feeling. How in the world was that any help to anyone ever? Well, outside of being someone’s moirail.

It was impossible for him to have lived 6 sweeps and never know of having a psychic ability. They manifest themselves very early in the life of a troll. Basically right after their first pupation, and even then, some are hatched with their power fully intact and workable.

And yet, there was some niggly little thought running around in his head that said that he didn’t care how lame a power it would be, at least it was something. He didn’t even have any decent hobbies unlike Terezi, Kanaya and Nepeta to keep him busy and make up for not having any power of his own. Nepeta had her hunting and shipping charts, Terezi had her law, Flarping and drawing while Kanaya had her landscaping and fashion hobbies.

What did he have? Every romance ever made by trollkind. God, what had he done with his life?

Damn his stupid short life. Romance was a genuine interest of his and he should not feel bad about it. Usually he didn’t in fact. He sure as hell had never and would never feel guilty or embarrassed about it. He loved romance. It was his thing and he was damned good at it...when it came to helping other people.

It had also helped pass the time in his hive, when no one was online, or when he was bored or annoyed with his friends. There was nothing like leaning against his lusus while watching a romcom and just relaxing. That was something he’d never have again.

Okay, so maybe his inability to even think of his own interest right now may be because it reminds him so much of losing his hive and his lusus. 

He quickly picked up the shampoo and roughly scrubbed at his hair. No thinking, thinking bad. He had to stop doing that when he was alone. He couldn’t handle it alone. That’s the kind of thing you curl up in a pile and cry about to your moirail.

Forget the talk on romance and the quadrants he was going to have with the female humans today, instead he’d ask about empathy and if Rose could possibly make her way here tomorrow for a feelings jam. God, he needed to get some of this out...

He was so. Fucking. TENSE!

In a fit of anger, he hit the water with his fists. Growling, he took a half hearted breath, held it and ducked his head under the water to soak off the suds.

Well, at least he felt clean again, that was at least something. 

Surfacing again, he reached out to the towel on a nearby stool and scowled when he noticed it was damp from his earlier splashing around. Thankfully, a dry towel was on the rack not too far away. Dropping the wet towel on the ground, he walked on it to the dry one, and was soon free of water, and was in his new outfit. Not that there was much difference from his last outfit.

Only difference was it was all black, and he had found a hoodie so he could hide his horns if he went out in public on Earth or some other planet like that. He planned on stowing that away in a drawer somewhere, as it was useless wearing it inside the TARDIS where everyone who would see him already knew he had horns, nubby though they may be.

He glared at his reflection in the mirror, noticing his bloodshot eyes, the bags under them not as pronounced as they had been during the game thanks to having some good uninterrupted sleep for once in his life. His hair was plastered to his head though, which looked ridiculous on him. It did make his horns look slightly bigger though. He hoped they grew out a bit with his moult. 

They would never be big, or sharp for that matter. It was a trait which lent him having everyone calling him cute and adorable. God, how he hated that.

Not that he’d get that from his friends ever again. All the people who knew it was even slightly insulting to him were dead. 

He knelt on the floor beside the bath, pulled the plug to let the water out, and crawled his way into the corner between the wall and the vanity. 

He needed to stop thinking! He needed to stop thinking before his heart imploded in his chest. He needed to stop thinking so he could start feeling better. He needed...fuck, he needed a hug was what he needed. 

He remembered the last time Terezi had hugged him and couldn’t stop himself from whimpering like a damn wiggler freshly hatched. He really, really tried too. Maybe it was his body trying to reserve water, or he was just too damn exhausted to get too carried away, but at least he didn’t cry this time.

He didn’t want to move. If he just stayed there, would it really matter? He had a never ending supply of water right next to him, and he could go a while without food, so that was all good...until his moult forced him out. Damn it. Fine.

He crawled out of the weak as fuck hiding spot he had gotten himself into and stretched when he got back to his feet. No one had to know of this, no one. Ever. He was not going to go around telling people he crawled around on the floor of his ablution block.

God, he needed to be clean. He felt dirty.

He didn’t think the dirtiness had anything to do with the floor either. That just happened to be a good excuse. He rolled his eyes, froze and properly looked up.

Terezi was hanging from the ceiling. 

He tried to get her down, but he was too short to grab her with his arms until he could find the rope holding her up. She was still alive as her neck hadn’t snapped. 

Gamzee had purposefully put her up too high for him to reach. The rope he soon found was tied to one of the ceiling vents. Even if he had been able to reach her, he had no way of getting up there to get her down.

Yet again the only thing he could do was stare at her as she died right in front of him. He even knew she knew he was there. She kept reaching out towards him with one arm, the other staying at the noose around her neck, trying to loosen it.

He had stayed with her body for a half hour after she had lost consciousness, just on the off chance she somehow knew he was still there. If it gave her comfort to know he was there while she died, then he was damn well going to make sure she got that.

It was the only thing in that moment he could do for her.

A hand fell on his shoulder and he let out a shriek. He fell to the floor, buried his head in his arms and spoke the first words that came into his head. “Gamzee, don’t! Stop it, please.”

“Karkat! Karkat, Gamzee isn’t here. Can you look at me?”

Slowly, he lowered one of his arms and looked up. He was on the floor of the ablution block, Terezi was nowhere in sight and the Doctor was looking down at him, worry clear in his eyes and voice. 

What the fuck just happened?

He repeated that thought out loud. He had never had anything like that happen to him before.

“You were unresponsive for a while there. I tried to snap you out of it without touching you, but that didn’t work. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I didn’t even know you were in the room. I didn’t know I was in the room! It was like I wasn’t here anymore, but back in the lab....”

That’s it, he was done. His mind had completely snapped. Someone should just cull him and get it over with.

“Sounds like a flashback. I’m guessing it was visual.”

Frowning, not knowing what the hell the Doctor was talking about, Karkat just nodded. It was definitely visual. Now that he thought about it, there had been no sound. Thank god for that. He never, ever wanted to hear the sounds Terezi was making ever again. 

Throwing caution to the wind, he slowly uncurled from the ball he was in and grabbed hold of the Doctor’s shirt in both hands, before burying his face in the cloth. “No talking, please. No talking. I...I need a hug right now, just...please don’t hurt me.”

Arms slowly wrapped around him, stopping every time he started to flinch and it was good to have someone notice that he hated being touched, especially by an adult, but he needed the touch, he needed it. He would rather have his lusus curl himself around him and be all protective, but hey, the Doctor was like an overexcited lusus anyway.

He didn’t notice how badly he was shaking until he was being held fully against the Doctor and could feel the tremors in his chest and limbs. The sudden urge to just blurt out what had just happened rushed over him, but he shook his head and took a few deep breaths instead. That shit was for his moirail to help him with.

He’d get on Trollian as soon as he was calm enough to not shake himself to pieces. He now had yet another thing to ask Rose. Fuck it, he’d ask any of the four kids right now. He still didn’t understand exactly what the Doctor had meant with anything he said. One of the problems of rambling. He tended to do it too sometimes, when overly excited.

The heat from the body holding him helped ease his tensed muscles into a less tense state and after a few minutes, the shaking had stopped and he was feeling much better now he could think a bit clearly and get to a computer.

“I’m okay now, you can let go of me.”

“Alright.”

The arms disappeared from around him, and he quickly left the too bright bathroom for the comfort of his block. It was ridiculous how fast he had gotten used to that room. Hell, it probably had something to do with it being filled with things he liked that he could get from the wrong universe. 

He went straight for his computer and waited for it to boot up. To his irritation, the Doctor had walked over to him. “Are you going to be alright? I can stay here for a while if you want.”

Sighing loudly, he stuck his middle finger up at the Doctor without bothering to even turn in his direction. “I’m fucking fine now. I want to talk to my friends alone. You know, without someone staring over my shoulder at every single fucking thing I write, like the weirdest type of internet stalker you could get or whatever. Just...go away. I want to speak to my moirail, and that shit’s private.”

As he said those words, there was a ping to inform him he had received an invite to a memo. Blinking, he looked at it. He blinked again when he realised it was in Dave’s cherry red text. It seems that Rose had told Jade about the romance talk he had planned, and one of the two girls had informed the boys, because the title of said memo was Shitty Romance 101.

What the fuck did the 101 mean?

“That doesn’t seem very private to me. Are you going to go online to write explicit messages back and forth?”

Rolling his eyes, Karkat growled. “No, you grub fondling pervert. I told Rose that I wanted to tell them of Alternian romance today. It’s not going to get explicit. Not on my end at least, who knows what Dave will say now that he’s decided to show his fucking ugly red text. God, even I didn’t go and hide in my block like a wiggler for two days...I’d go insane without social contact.”

Another invite was pinged his way, and he opened it this time.

turntechGodhead [TG] opened memo on board SHITTY ROMANCE 101. 

TG: yo  
TG: karkat were waitin on ya  
TG: youre the expert man it might help if you  
TG: you know  
TG: show up  
CG: YEAH I WOULD HAVE EARLIER, BUT I HAVE AN ANNOYING GNAT BUZZING AROUND MY HEAD.  
CG: IT REFUSES TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.  
TG: swat it man  
TG: you got horns use em  
CG: HAH!  
CG: I WILL DO THAT DAVE. IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO HEAR HOW LOUD IT CAN SHRIEK.

He turned to look at the Doctor who was currently reading over his shoulder. He heard another message followed by another shortly afterwards but kept staring at the man behind him. He lowered his head, and hoped the threat of being head butted would get rid of the Doctor. 

It seemed to work, as the Doctor threw his arms into the air and turned around. Karkat kept his charging position, until he was sure he was alone in his block, before he got up, slammed the door closed and locked it.

There, privacy obtained.

He sat back in his seat, feeling a whole lot better about himself. 

He felt even better when he read the two messages he had received while he was dealing with that mess.

GG: hi karkat!!!   
EB: hey karkat.   
CG: WHERE’S ROSE???   
CG: SEEMS ODD THAT SHE WOULD MISS THIS SINCE SHE WAS THE ONE THAT HAD AN INTEREST IN THE TOPIC.    
CG: AS IT IS I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO ASK TODAY. THIS LITTLE SHITTY ROMANCE 101 THING CAN WAIT ANOTHER TIME.   
CG: I AM IN A BETTER MOOD NOW BUT DAMN IT HAS BEEN A ROUGH DAY FOR ME, OKAY.   
EB: rose is getting popcorn.   
GG: munchies!!    
GG: and im sorry you arent feeling well :(   
CG: YEAH BE ALL SAD.    
CG: IT KIND OF HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH WHAT I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT.    
CG: WELL, I WANT TO ASK ABOUT SEVERAL THINGS BUT THE MORE RECENT ONE WILL GO FIRST.   
CG: I WOULD ASK ROSE ALONE, BUT THE QUESTION ITSELF ISN’T EXACTLY PRIVATE.    
GG: ooooh!!!! :D    
EB: rose mentioned you last night, but refused to tell us anything she talked to you about.    
TG: except for the romance chat   
TG: which is apparently already over before it started   
TG: nice one karkat   
TG: a bit premature there bro   
CG: OH FUCK OFF.    
CG: AT LEAST I HAVEN’T BEEN HIDING IN MY ROOM LIKE A LITTLE LOST WIGGLER LIKE SOMEONE I COULD MENTION.   
TG: ouch   
TG: your words have cut me in half   
TG: im bleeding my cherry red blood all over the fucking place   
TG: and its all your fault   
CG: GO BACK TO CRYING IN YOUR ROOM AND TRYING TO LICK YOUR BULGE FOR COMFORT.   
TG: at least id be getting some action    
CG: YOUR PUNY LITTLE HUMAN BULGE COULDN’T POSSIBLY GET ANY OTHER ACTION THAN YOUR OWN SLOBBERY MOUTH WHILE YOU CONTORT THE FUCK OUT OF YOURSELF TO REACH IT.   
GG: guys will you stop being so disgusting???   
EB: stop flirting with each other.   
EB: heheh.   
CG: UGH. NOT INTERESTED IN STRIDER IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.   
TG: egbert you jealous   
EB: no.    
EB: i already said no to his little hate dating thing.    
CG: YEAH I GOT OVER MY CRUSH PRETTY DAMN FAST TOO. YOU’RE TOO LIKABLE TO HATE, JOHN.   
CG: POINT IS, IF I WAS INTERESTED I’D FUCKING SAY SOMETHING. AND BLATHER ON LIKE AN IMBECILIC GRUB WADING AROUND IN ITS OWN WASTE PRODUCTS.   
EB: yeah, he really would XD   
GG: you should hear the hate chat when he speaks to himself!!!    
GG: thats some heated stuff right there :P   
CG: OH GOD. NO JADE.    
CG: DO NOT BRING THAT UP.    
CG: I WILL HAVE TO BRING UP JADESPRITE IN RETURN.   
GG: :o ok dropped   
TT: Hello all.    
TT: Karkat, what is it you wanted to ask before this devolves any further into nothing but petty bickering.   
CG: HEY ROSE.   
EB: popcorn!   
GG: rose!!!    
CG: FIRST THING. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK A FLASHBACK IS?

There was silence for about three seconds before a small wave of foreboding washed over him. He had the sudden feeling he should have asked Rose in private.

GG: oh no!!!  
EB: oh shit!  
TG: damn  
TG: even im not that bad  
TT: I’ll ask the question everyone else is thinking. Is this pertaining to you?  
CG: YEAH. I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND THOUGH. THE EXPLANATION I WAS GIVEN WAS TOO BASIC.  
CG: WHAT IS A FLASHBACK?  
TT: A flashback is an intrusive memory involuntarily lived through again.   
CG: LIVED THROUGH AGAIN?  
TT: Yes. Something triggers the memory into being played through and it can literally feel like you are reliving it.  
TT: It can involve any one or more of the senses. Sometimes someone hears the sounds or words of the memory.   
TT: Some smell things around them during the time, some see it as if it is happening all over again right before their eyes, others will feel things on or in them that aren’t there. Some will taste things.  
TT: All of it is intrusive and unwanted.  
TT: I tend to take the good memories that can happen the same way as reminiscence as opposed to a flashback.   
CG: OH. FUCK.  
CG: YEAH THAT HAPPENED.  
CG: SOME SCARY FUCKING SHIT I CAN TELL YOU.  
CG: ONLY ONE SENSE, THANK GOD.  
CG: UNFORTUNATELY IT WAS SIGHT.  
CG: AND INVOLVED WATCHING A FRIEND DIE.   
CG: AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT HERE.  
CG: MOVING ON FROM THAT WRECK OF A QUESTION IS MY NEXT ONE. WHAT THE FUCK IS EMPATHY?  
GG: thats knowing what others are feeling silly :)  
CG: I KNOW THAT. I’M TALKING OF THE PSYCHIC POWER TO DO WITH EMPATHY.  
CG: WHAT DOES IT DO?  
GG: oh  
GG: it is not just knowing what another person is feeling but feeling it as well or even taking their emotions into yourself  
GG: kind of like a psychic sponge for feelings :P  
TT: It is said to be one of the hardest psychic abilities to have. Especially if you are unaware you have it.   
TT: I am going to take Jade’s sponge metaphor and run with it to explain this.   
TT: Someone who hasn’t gotten control over it, or doesn’t know they have it will continually have the sponge soaking up the emotions of others.  
TT: Unfortunately, not knowing what to do with it, it just gets heavier and heavier. Some will inevitably leak out of the pores, but most will be trapped inside.  
TT: There is a natural tendency to help people, so most of the emotions they take on are negative. Anger, fear, hate, stress etc.  
TT: It generally leads to Depression.  
TT: It gets more complicated but this is just the basics. Why did you want to know that?  
CG: IT’S STUPID.   
CG: THE SHIP I’M ON IS RUN BY A TELEPATH. I WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE. HE SAID I COULD BE AN EMPATH.  
CG: I DON’T GET HOW SOMEONE CAN BE HATCHED WITH A PSYCHIC ABILITY AND NOT KNOW IT. ALL THE PSYCHIC POWERS ON ALTERNIA WERE QUITE APPARENT EVEN AS TROLLS FRESHLY PUPATED.  
CG: THEY ARE READY TO USE THEM THEN TO HELP IN THEIR TRIALS AND LIVE TO GET TO THE SURFACE AND FIND A LUSUS.  
CG: HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAVE A POWER LIKE THAT?  
TG: don’t look at me   
TG: i didn’t even know any of this stuff until now  
TG: are you a sponge karkat  
TG: give yourself a squeeze and see  
CG: IF I WAS A METAPHORICAL EMOTION SPONGE I WOULD HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHAT I’D HAVE TO DO TO ‘SQUEEZE’ MYSELF.  
CG: BUT I WOULD MAKE SURE YOU ARE IN TOUCHING DISTANCE IF I DID SO ALL MY SPONGED UP EMOTIONAL DISTRESS WILL DROWN YOU IN DEPTHS OF DESPAIR.  
TT: Can the two of you please not do this right now? Unless you are actually flirting, and then by all means continue on.  
TT: I did bring popcorn, after all.  
EB: i think we’re going to need more popcorn, rose.  
GG: dave stop being a douche  
GG: karkat stop talking back for a second ok!  
TG: you wound me jade  
TG: so deeply  
TG: were like karkats human otp or something  
CG: OH MY GOD, STOP.  
CG: NO DAVE.  
CG: AND JADE, THIS IS LIKE NORMAL FOR ME.  
CG: CAN I HAVE ONE THING NOT CHANGE ON ME?  
GG: oh...  
GG: ..........  
GG: okay!!!  
GG: just try not to start something thats not going anywhere again :\  
CG: DON’T EVEN GO THERE.  
CG: LOOK, ALL I WANT RIGHT NOW IS TO UNWIND AND TRY AND STAY CALM.  
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS FOR ME RIGHT NOW.  
CG: I’M RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF THIS HUGE FUCKING CLIFF AND YOU ARE ALL STANDING BEHIND ME GETTING READY TO PLAY A GAME OF ROCK, WRITING PARCHMENT, CUTTING TOOL AND THE WINNER GETS TO THROW ME OVER THE EDGE.  
CG: GEE WHAT FUN IT IS TO BE ME! I HOPE WE CAN PLAY THIS MORE.  
TG: whoa dude you remember that part about calming down  
TG: wtf happened to that

It was like a switch was thrown in his brain. One second the banter between him and Strider had been fun, something to help unwind him, but that one comment from him especially just pushed all of his buttons. His mind took it as a pale solicitation, and he lost it. No one cheated on Terezi, even when she was dead.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, slowly counted to ten, before he turned back to the computer screen.

It didn’t help. Rereading what Dave had just written had him grinding his teeth.

CG: YOU SI WHAT HAPPENED TO IT DAVE.   
CG: YOU AND YOUR STUPID BRIGHT RED TEXT.   
CG: MY CALM JSUT FLEW OUT THE FUCKING PROVERBIAL WINDOW.   
CG: MY CALM TOOK ONE LOOK AT YOUR FUCKIGN UGLY QUIRK AND SHOT ITSELF IN THE FACE.   
CG: MY CALM IS TOO BUSY FLIPPIGN THE FUCK OUT THAT I CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED FIXING MY TYPOS.   
TT: Karkat, please pester me with what exactly Dave just said to make you say those things.    
GG: :o    
GG: karkat are you okay???   
EB: umm, anyone want to tell me what’s going on?    
EB: i’m kind of lost on this one.   
CG: I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S GOING ON.   
CG: MISTER I’LL-HIDE-IN-MY-ROOM-LIKE-A-COWARD STRIDER OVER THERE DECIDED TO TRY USING HIS GLOBES AND FAILED.    
CG: HE FAILED BECAUSE HE IS JUST A USELESS PIECE OF HUMAN TRASH WHO SHOULD HAVE DIED RIGHT ALONG WITH HIS POINTY SHADES WEARING LUSUS GUARDIAN THING.   
CG: I JUST WATCHED TEREZI CHOKING TO DEATH AGAIN RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY OWN EYES.    
CG: I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND JUST WHAT HER DEATH DID TO ME. HERS ESPECIALLY.    
CG: DID YOU SEE HER DAVE? SHE WAS THE ONE HANGING FROM THE CEILING VENT WITH HER OWN ROPE.   
CG: DID YOU CUT HER DOWN? DID YOU PUT HER TONGUE BACK IN HER MOUTH, IF THAT WAS EVEN POSSIBLE BY THEN?   
CG: I WAS THE ONE PRACTICALLY SITTING IN HER PISS AND SHIT WHICH SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE FUCKING GROUND WHEN SHE DIED.   
CG: I WAS THE OEN SHE WAS REACHIGN OUT TO TO HELP HER. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EACH MOVEMENT OF THAT ARM MADE HER SWING?   
CG: HOW MUCH EACH SWING JUST PULLED THE ROPE EVEN TIGHETR AROUND HER NECK?   
CG: UNLIKE YOU, YOU INSENSITIVE ASSHOLE, I CAN’T FLY. I NEVER HAVE FLOWN AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL.   
CG: THERE WAS NO WAY, EVER, I WAS GETTIGN EHR DOWN. AND SHE KNEW THAT.   
CG: MORE IMPORTANTLY GAMZEE KNEW THAT. HE PUT HER THERE ON PURPOSE, JUST TO TAUNT ME.   
CG: THEN HE REPEATED THE ACT WITH EVERY FRIEND I HAD LEFT LIVING. IN DIFFERENT AND CREATIVE WAYS EACH TIME.   
CG: EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE.   
CG: I AM SO UTTERLY PISSED THAT YOU WOULD JUST TAKE THAT WITH A WELP AND A WALK TO YOUR ROOM.   
CG: WOULD YOU HAVE LEFT HER ALONE RO STAYED WITH HER LIEK I DID?    
CG: ANSWER EM YOU FUCKING CREEP.    
CG: SHIT.   
CG: FUCK!   
CG: I HATE YOU. I HATE ALL OF YOU!    
CG: COULDN’T KEEP YOUR SHITTY GAME PLAYIGN SKILLS TO YOURSELF AND SO YOU DECIDED TO RUIN MY GAME AS WELL.   
CG: YOU RUINED MY FUCKIGN REWARD FOR WINNING THE GAME, YOU STEAL MY FRIENDS FROM ME, YOU MADE MY LIFE HELL.   
CG: AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS WTF HAPPENED TO CALMIGN DOWN?!

turntechGodhead [TG] left memo on board SHITTY ROMANCE 101.

CG: THAT’S RIGHT, RUN YOU FUCKING COWARD. RUN.  
CG: I’M GOIGN TO GO BREAK SOMETHING BEFORE I DESTROY MY COMPUTER.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo on board SHITTY ROMANCE 101.

He didn’t make it out of his room before the inevitable eruption of his anger took over. He did manage to somehow stop himself from smashing the computer into a million different pieces. Instead he took the chair at the desk and banged it as hard and as fast as he could into the wall a half dozen times. 

Afterwards he flopped himself into an exhausted heap on his bed, pulled one of the pillows over his head and screamed into it. It hurt the fuck out of his throat, but he couldn’t stop himself and right then he really didn’t want to.

Screaming helped a bit. He didn’t think it would, it being just a stupid emotional thing he craved at that time. But there he was, actually managing to calm down somewhat, something even hitting the wall couldn’t accomplish.

They would never forgive him for what he had said.

Fuck.

How was he supposed to fix this?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will colour the chats in tomorrow. I am sick today and doing the coding is horrible enough as it is withought giving myself a worse headache. Sorry.
> 
> And after this chapter is up fully, I am all caught up. Chapter Eleven gave me Writer's Block...bluh. But it is almost finished now.

Chapter Ten

The TARDIS alerted him that there was something wrong. It only took him a quick two minutes to reach the door to his young charge’s room, and immediately knew that something was definitely up.

There was a rhythmic beating that seemed to vibrate through the TARDIS, and it took the Doctor a few seconds to realise that Karkat was hitting the TARDIS walls. It stopped in short order, but was soon followed by a muffled scream.

After that the room went quiet.

He waited five minutes before knocking. He wasn’t expecting a response, since Karkat was still uneasy around him, but it did worry him when he didn’t even get a shouted out go away. Frowning at the door, he knocked on it a bit louder. 

“Karkat? Are you alright? The TARDIS told me you’re distressed.”

He wasn’t expecting the door to actually open, so when it did, he almost fell into the room on top of Karkat. “Are you alright?” he asked, though it was clear he wasn’t.

“I’m sick and tired of people asking me that! No, I am not alright. I am not even remotely anywhere near the realm of alright. Alright is so far out of grasp, it is circling around another universe entirely outside either of the ones we live in.”

Holding up his hands in a way he hoped didn’t come off as offensive, he slowly made his way into the room. The door to the bathroom was open, and he spotted the disheartening sight of vomit on the floor of the tiled room.

“Do you feel ill?”

Karkat grimaced and looked towards the bathroom floor. “A little. I don’t think I’m sick sick if that’s what you’re wondering. I just...fucking stress has gotten to me. I got into an argument and said some really, really awful things to my last living friends. My digestive system is tied in so many metaphorical knots I am in actual physical pain with it. It’s upsetting my...stomach.”

A ping was heard from the computer which was still open and on. It sounded like Karkat’s friends weren’t going to let him be alone, which was good. He really needed the support. “Another invite by the sounds of it! You should accept it and apologise. They’ll forgive you.”

In answer, Karkat made a wild dash for the bathroom, a hand clamped over his mouth. He made it to the toilet this time. He went to the door, knocked on it softly and sighed. “Do you want me to tell them that you’re not feeling well? It would be better than not talking to them at all. Especially after an argument.”

He waited for an answer, which he was expecting to be a furious no, but instead was a slight nod of the head. 

Waiting a few moments, the Doctor sighed before going over to the laptop and stared at the chat invite for a second, before clicking on the blue link. 

ectoBiologist [EB] opened memo on board FRIENDLEADER CHECK UP.  
EB: karkat! you okay buddy?  
CG: hELLO!  
CG: Oops! Capslock was left on. Sorry about that.  
CG: Hello!  
GG: oh god!  
GG: someone stole karkats computer!!!  
TT: Where is Karkat? This is a message for him.  
TT: One I believe he needs to hear.  
CG: Oh! Yes, of course. Introductions!  
CG: Hello, I’m the Doctor and I am currently the one taking care of Karkat, since I found him on that lab.  
CG: He told me he had a fight with you lot and it has upset him quite a bit.  
CG: To answer your question of where he is, he is currently on the floor in the bathroom of his suite on my ship, hugging the toilet.  
CG: The stress of what has happened to him is making him physically ill.  
CG: It should pass with some rest and relaxation.  
CG: He’s not too comfortable with talking to me so I have been urging him to talk to you kids.  
CG: He likes romance for a non stressful conversation topic.  
EB: yeah we know he likes romance.  
GG: he drew shipping charts of us once :)  
TT: Karkat was going to teach us more about his cultures romance practices, as we keep doing things that are considered flirting or taboo in his culture due to misunderstandings.  
EB: they have a whole romance based on mutual hatred XD  
TT: Mutual hatred with respect and clearly defined borders. I believe killing your kismesis is bad form.  
CG: The only one I know as of yet is moirail. The friendshippy one for keeping him calm. He really could use that right now.  
CG: Hmm, which one of you is Rose? I’d like to talk to you privately.  
TT: That would be me. I suppose that he told you of our arrangement then?  
CG: Not exactly. It was more shouted at my wife, before she was dropped off to her office.  
TT: Ah, River being your wife then? Yes, he mentioned her.  
GG: i don’t think dave knows though :/  
EB: yeah, dave kind of just ran off crying.  
TT: It was actually quite a thing to see personally. Dave rarely lets his ‘cool guy’ face to slip.  
TT: That he left in tears is actually quite a huge emotional step for him. Especially in front of us.  
EB: guys, i’m going to go check on him.  
EB: you can continue talking, just keep me informed when i get back.  
GG: good luck john!!!  
TT: He may let you in. I hope for his sake he does.  
TT: I think things are finally catching up to him. Especially with the death of his brother and Terezi being so recent.  
TT: I am beginning to think he relied on Terezi to get him through all the heavy emotional things he went through during the game.  
EB: going now guys. thanks for the tip rose!  
ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chump  
CG: Are you kids alright?  
GG: im ok!  
GG: i kind of miss my dog but im ok :)  
TT: I am not so good. I recently went through what you may call...a psychological break. Of sorts. It’s hard to explain.  
TT: That came about after finding out that Jack killed my mother.  
GG: i tried to warn you and so did kanaya but you didn’t listen to us :(  
TT: Yes, I know. Thank you for the warnings. I thought I could handle them, and I was obviously wrong. I am sorry if I caused you any undue distress.  
CG: Ah! Ok, that is the reason you asked Karkat what you did. I won’t tell your friends because you haven’t yourself and I suppose that is a thing you and Karkat have to figure out yourselves.  
TT: Yes it is. And thank you. I am taking anything said between us last night as private and confidential.  
CG: Well, to ease your mind, he never said anything the two of you talked about except the obvious because of River’s position.  
GG: i feel like i am invisible  
GG: do you two want to talk without me here???  
GG: ill go see how john is doing with dave  
gardenGnostic [GG] is an idle chump  
CG: You all have some fascinating usernames!  
CG: tentacleTherapist?  
TT: In my defence, I am a thirteen year old girl interested in the zoologically dubious and psychology.  
TT: Also it may just be slightly suggestive. I do have a libido now.  
CG: You’re thirteen. All thirteen year olds do, unless you grow up really, really slow.  
TT: In the case of the trolls it seems more like really, really fast. Karkat on his planet just reached six.   
TT: An Alternian Sweep is a little over two human Earth years. Their years are twice as long as ours, so while there really is no difference, it seems odd having a pubescent boy saying he is six.  
CG: You ARE human yes?  
TT: Yes, I and my fellow friends stuck on this ship are human.  
TT: In our version of the universe, Earth was destroyed in the year 2009. The four of us are the only survivors.  
CG: Your version?  
TT: Yes, from your point of view, I am from an alternate timeline of the Earth. Your Earth I don’t exist in.  
TT: There are only two possible Earths I could come from, and considering we are now flying to the session that comes from the other one, which is a three year flight at almost the speed of light, your universe we are currently travelling through is not ours.  
TT: You can blame Jade for us being here at all. She broke the fourth wall to get us here.  
CG: Fascinating!  
CG: You and your friends will have to tell me about how exactly you did this at one point.  
CG: Right now though we’re getting a little off topic.  
CG: I’m usually fine with off topic and have a tendency of talking about whatever pops into my head, but right now Karkat seems more important.  
TT: His little break in temperament I take it? Just do as you said, rest and relaxation. I will talk to him when he gets back on the computer himself.  
CG: Are you sure about this? He is...  
TT: Abrasive, rude, an asshole? Yes, I am quite aware of his finer personality traits, thank you.  
TT: It doesn’t stop him being a friend that needs help. He knows of my sunny and positive disposition and is willing to help me back.  
TT: Troll romance, weird but nice.  
TT: I will have to stop doing my normal routine and not make it into a psychology session. I doubt that is how it works.  
TT: Either that or it would be classed as blatant pale prostitution.  
CG: Hah! Maybe. Oooh, Karkat seems to be done in there and is moving about once again. I will be back, or he will be here soon.  
TT: I will be waiting here for your return or Karkat’s caps lock key to be pressed once again.  
CG: Bye for the moment.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chump

Getting up off the seat, he made his way to the bathroom, where he could hear Karkat mumbling to himself. There was also a repetitive sound of a brush. 

When he poked his head in, Karkat was at the vanity, brushing his teeth and filling a basin with water, a cloth hanging over the side of it.

“Are you feeling better then?”

Karkat jumped slightly, and growled at him, before showing off foamy teeth, toothbrush held between his lips and bobbing up and down as he spoke. “M Fin.”

The Doctor waited unit Karkat spat out the paste, drank a few glasses of water and picked up the basin before moving to help him in the obvious task he was about to go about doing. “You don’t have to clean this mess up. The TARDIS can just make it go away.”

He got glared at for that. Something he was becoming quite used to. 

“I made the fucking mess and I’ll clean it up! That’s how things generally work. Not all of us have a ship to do everything for us like the lazy fuck you seem to be.”

He was honestly surprised to find a kid his age even wanting to do anything if it meant cleaning things up. He was also surprised Karkat thought him lazy. He got so much running done in his life, he was possibly the fittest 1000 plus year old in the entire universe.

“I’m not that lazy. I just wondered why someone your age would be more willing to get on your hands and knees to mop up vomit off the floor instead of having it magically go away.”

Karkat sighed, threw the soiled cloth into the basin, scrubbed at his head with both his hands and growled. “Because when it came to doing any work my lusus was a stupid piece of shit, so I had to do everything like this myself. I like my living places to be clean and tidy. Is that a fucking crime now?!”

Ok one thing was very clear right now, he was not calming Karkat down at all. If anything he was just making the kid anxious and irritable. “Alright, you can clean things up if you want to. I just wondered that was all. It’s generally not a trait in someone your age.”

“Not from your universe, you remember? Stupid fucking asshole. All people ever do is judge on what they think they know or think they should know, instead of just letting people be. ‘What’s your blood colour Karkat?’ ‘You’d make a horrible leader, Karkat.’ ‘God, Karkat, don’t you ever fucking shut up?’ ‘The only thing you’re good for is working out other people’s quadrants, Karkat.’ ‘You’d make a better human than troll, Karkat.” And you want to know what really sucks about it, most of that is true. I am those things and more. My stupid fucking friends knew more about me than I did because I refused to put the default blame of those things directly onto my own head, it was always past me or future me or doomed me or alpha me. Never just me. And now I have all their deaths on my heads because I couldn’t do the one job that was assigned to me and was important to save everyone’s life. I was to pacify Gamzee like a good moirail. And I failed. In return of my extreme fuck up as a moirail to him, he decided to murder my friends one by one in creative and interesting ways, making sure I found them either once they were dead, or watch them die. He took their blood and begun painting with it on the walls. He took some of their heads. Tavros was....oh god...Gamzee liked him. Romantically. In a sexual way, not conciliatory. I...I have to shut up now or I’m going to just start screaming and never stop.”

Karkat’s hands were shaking and he grabbed at the cloth again and begun scrubbing at the ground furiously and the Doctor realised suddenly that he wasn’t just cleaning his mess because it was a mess he made. He was doing it for something to do to make him try and stop thinking. To try and calm himself of the panic that was beginning to set in. 

“Karkat, you’re hyperventilating.”

He moaned and stopped his scrubbing. “I think I’m going to have a panic attack.”

Sighing, the Doctor sat on the ground, careful not to sit on the watery patch that was by now the cleanest spot on the floor. “This is a really bad day for you. Want to go have a rest? It may help to lie down for a while.”

The boy nodded slightly, got shakily to his feet and made his way to his bed. Within seconds, he was buried under the sheets. He heard the ragged breathing easing just having been wrapped up and he wondered if it was the darkness, or the being completely covered. Insect species hatched from eggs and spun cocoons in their life cycles.

It probably felt like a safe place to be encased in soft feeling fabrics.

“I’ll tell your friends you will talk to them when you’re feeling better and leave you to calm down.”

He got a short nod for that, if the movement of what he assumed to be Karkat’s head was anything to go by, went back to the computer and quickly looked at the chat he had been in before. Rose was now gone, but Jade was back.

CG: Hello again.   
GG: hi!   
GG: how is karkat???   
CG: Not too good. He is curled up in a ball under his sheets right now, trying to calm down.   
CG: This is a bad day for him.   
CG: He will talk to you lot once he has settled down and rested a bit.   
GG: ill tell the others once they are back here   
GG: rose went to get something for lunch   
GG: john is in with dave   
GG: things are going a bit crazy here too :/   
GG: ooh rose is back with sandwiches :D   
TT: Hello Doctor.   
TT: Karkat is resting then, I take it?   
CG: Yes he is.   
CG: He went through a lot in that lab by the sounds of it.   
GG: yeah his friends were all killed :(   
TT: Some by his ex moirail.   
TT: I am amazed he is willing to find someone else in that Quadrant at all.   
GG: yeah :(   
GG: still he doesnt tend to give up   
GG: although he does have a history of hating himself   
GG: in a way that borders on romantic XD   
TT: You are ashen for Karkat, Jade.   
GG: but theres only two of us   
GG: isn’t that the threesome quadrant??   
TT: Technically, there are three. You mediating between past and future Karkat.   
GG: oh my god!!!!!!   
GG: rose are you shipping us???   
TT: The two of you are my ashen OTP.   
GG: :o   
TT: It may also have gone both ways in the past. Don’t think I didn’t read that conversation in which you were freaking out over your alpha self and Jadesprite.   
TT: It was Karkat who managed to mediate between you and your other self too.   
GG: oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!   
GG: im going to eat my sandwich now and not type at you   
TT: That is good. It is salad.   
CG: I have no idea what is going on but it sounds like it is warping time.   
TT: It does sound that way.   
TT: I call temporal shenanigans.   
TT: It actually is so crazy it makes perfect sense.   
CG: A lot of things can be like that!   
CG: I’ll let it slide this once, just please, try not to disturb time too much here.   
TT: We didn’t disturb time in the slightest. Everything that happened was predestined to happen.   
TT: Karkat’s friends all dying though...that wasn’t supposed to happen.   
TT: Getting out of the lab changed his fate. He is a doomed timeline Karkat, and he knows it.   
TT: If you hadn’t gotten him out when you had, he inevitably either would have faded into nothingness or died. Most likely killed by Jack.   
TT: Thankfully, we don’t have to worry about him for another 3 years.   
CG: You sound extremely sure of this.   
CG: How do you know all this?   
TT: It may have only been one day of playing the actual game for us, but trust me when I say it was plenty enough time to understand doomed timelines.   
TT: Karkat’s game session lasted almost four weeks. His time player kept alpha Karkat in the loop to all doomed timelines so he would not make the same mistake again and cause it to repeat.   
TT: Trust me when I say if I am sure of the matter, I am sure of the matter.   
TT: Also, I am my group’s seer. I just know things like this.   
CG: You see the future then?   
TT: I can sense things and choose the path most fortuitous to our group, not see things. My aspect is Light, not Mind.   
TT: Light is the realm of fortune.   
TT: Seeing things was Terezi’s power as Seer of Mind.   
TT: For someone who was literally blind she could see every outcome from every possibility with her class and aspect.   
TT: She was...slightly mad as you may guess.   
TT: Also, Karkat harboured some major feelings for her.   
TT: She was his main crush for...well, we can’t figure out if it was black or red.   
TT: He was watching her die again in his flashback earlier.  
CG: Ah. He never said what it was about to me.  
CG: He did however accept comfort from me this time around. That’s a good thing, I think.  
CG: And he’s growling from under the sheets now, so I will leave you two girls alone and let you get back to eating lunch.  
CG: I’ll take care of him when you aren’t available to chat to though, don’t worry about that.  
CG: Bye!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] logged off

The Doctor didn’t just log out of the program, he turned the computer off and closed the top of it, just in case Karkat decided to wake up cranky, he wouldn’t hurt the machine.

“I turned your computer off for you Karkat. I’ll leave you alone for a while. Try and get some rest.”

He got growled at again for his answer, but he was fine with that. It was possible that Karkat was unable to talk through layers, or was busy crying and wasn’t able to get his voice box working properly. Either way, it could just be him getting snippy at him for being in there.

He left him alone. He stood outside the door wanting to know if he did anything after he was out, only to have his answer as a yes. Karkat got out of bed, walked to the door and locked it. Sighing, the Doctor turned to head back to the console room. May as well get the TARDIS moving again.

Maybe...maybe he would be able to find Karkat’s friends...

It was worth a shot.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn this chapter just....ugh. 
> 
> In other news, chapter ten has been coloured in now, yay.

Chapter Eleven

The moment the Doctor had left the room, Karkat poked his head out from the comfy position it was in, nestled between the light sheets and one of his arms. He scowled at the closed door, not knowing what the adult man had just been saying to his human friends. All he knew was that they were having such a great little chat and he knew none of what they were talking about only that it was about him.

And that pissed him off, but not enough to go back to raging again. Getting back on his feet, glad that his earlier panic had faded to a reasonable level enough to turn it to anger, he marched to the door and with a definitive click, locked the door.

There, now the Doctor wasn’t getting back in unless he allowed him back in. With a satisfied nod, he made his way back to his bed and crawled once again under the covers. It was comforting buried under the thin cotton layer. Almost like the way he imagined being in his cocoon felt like if he hadn’t been busy pupating at the time.

He really wasn’t aware of anything that went on in there, and nothing of his life as a grub. He would be amazed if humans remembered their time as babies. Hmm, he’d have to ask one of them. No, his earliest memory was of building his hive.

He was never supposed to survive. It must have been even more ridiculously easy than his flashes of memory offered, because damn...he should have been culled by another wiggler much early on, before emerging from the hole he must have dug himself, because he wouldn’t have been in the breeding caverns.

He also found his lusus easily too, he did know that. He chose a spot near others because he had, at the time, liked others around him.

That had been a mistake after he found out about his blood colour and not bleeding or crying or anything else in front of others on threat of being culled.

He was ultimately a social creature though, and it made his life so damn hard not being able to stand people while simultaneously not being able to seclude himself completely like he had wanted to as a wiggler.

Finding his friends online had been the best thing that had happened to him. He lived near none of them, so there was very little chance of ever meeting them in person, and best of all he didn’t have to leave his hive to socialize. He did have online video chats with them though, so he knew what most of them looked like before he had met them in the game.

Why did he decide he had to rule over them all, just in order to make himself feel big and powerful, and make himself the leader of the troll session? Talk about worst decision ever. Because of everything that went wrong, it was technically all on his head. They had relied on him to keep them in check and he had completely and utterly failed each and every one of them. Continuously.

It was all he was good for.

He curled himself up into as small a ball as he could make himself into with proper limbs and without the simple grub body he’d had at the start of his life. 

He must have phased out into one of Gamzee’s stupors because the next thing he was aware of was blinking and someone was knocking on the door. Again. Fuck the Doctor so hard for making him aware of his surroundings once again.

On the other hand, it seemed to have done him some emotional good, as he had definitely calmed down now. His back ached though.

“Huh?” he called out, hoping it was loud enough to be heard. His bed wasn’t far from the door so it should have been.

“You’ll need to speak up! I can barely hear you.”

Rolling his eyes, he uncurled himself and slowly made his way to the door, opening it and peeking out. The Doctor had a tray with a bowl of mushroom soup by the smell of it and a mug of tea. At the thought of food, his empty stomach growled with the thought of being filled and he licked his lips. “Oh. Food. Okay.”

“I wasn’t really sure if your stomach would appreciate a full meal so I got you soup. Hope you don’t mind.”

Shaking his head, he grabbed the tray and took it in his room. For good measure he made sure to slam the door before the Doctor could make it a step into the room, because god knows he didn’t want to deal with him right now.

“I’ll be in the console room plotting the next course if you’re interested. Amy called not long ago, wanting to see me so I am visiting friends who travel with me on occasion. You should meet them, but you can stay in your room if you want.”

It was half shouted through the door, but it didn’t need to be. He froze at the door, thought it over for a few seconds, before closing his eyes and sighing. Well, fuck. He couldn’t stay in his room, because he knew the Doctor well enough by now to say that these friends would already know he was there. Which meant it was introduction time to more humans. Joy.

Slowly, he turned back around, opened the door, and took the tray to the kitchen. He may as well eat in there, and the new humans could come to him and just watch. If they wanted any they could damn well get it themselves. It’s not like the thermal hull wasn’t overflowing with food.

“Oh! Alright, it’s good you decided to join me at least partially. You may like them. You liked River, and Amy and Rory are her biological parents. Things got a bit...complicated there. Really, don’t ask.”

He had no idea what he was supposed to not ask, but that was fine, he would ask anything he wanted to at any time he chose. He shrugged, looked at the thick creamy soup in the bowl, before setting it down on the table, picking up the spoon and taking in a mouthful.

It was thick, mild and tasted good. It also helped to ease his cramping insides a bit. Okay, so he was hungry. His stomach was empty. Mushrooms were the first food he had eaten as a grub, since they grew in abundance in the place he grew up and that must have been where his grub self had pupated. He definitely knew he had pupated on Alternia, because he had sent all the ectobiological clones of his friends and their ancestors, plus himself and his, as grubs. 

It was most likely that he had buried himself in the ground in the crater he had made when he had arrived on the planet and managed to get underground before being seen and culled for his bright cherry red colouring. Because he had survived against all odds. 

Why the fuck did he keep thinking of his grub self and his own survival at that time? God, what stupid thoughts to have.

Shaking his head, he soon made short work of the food in front of him and hadn’t even noticed that the ship had once again taken off and landed while he had been doing so. He was wondering when the Doctor had bounced himself out of the room.

Huh, this guy kind of reminded him of Nepeta. 

The Doctor better not keep a shipping wall or he’d have to slice it up into as many pieces as he possibly could. Especially if he found himself on it. 

Fuck, he had never even got up the courage to tell her he wasn’t interested in her romantically. At least she had died with hope about it. He was worried telling her would have crushed her emotionally for good, and then he’d be killed by her sweaty outraged musclebeast of a moirail.

Yeah, self preservation was totally the excuse he was going for with that one, not his own inability to hurt her. He never wanted to do that, not in that way at least. She had been annoying with her constant role-playing and inability to speak in anything other than third person, but hey, sometimes he had indulged her as a way to wind down if he had a bad day. 

Oh, the bowl was becoming pinkish red with his stupid ass tears. He hadn’t even noticed he had begun crying. He wasn’t shaking or sobbing or anything. What the fuck were his stupid tear ducts doing...

Okay, he wasn’t crying, nope, not at all! His eyes were watering. Maybe the air was upsetting them or something... Yeah, he wasn’t stupid enough to keep up that act. He wiped away the wetness on his cheeks and sniffled a bit, and was thankful when it never went any further than that. Whatever had him upset was over now. 

If he could just stop being reminded of his friends every two seconds he could move on from this fucked up trauma and get on with his life until his inevitable demise. If he was even fated to die now. He guessed he had a second chance.

He was glad he at least got the chance to explore Earth if he wanted to. He wondered if it was possible to get the human kids to go with him. Jade did say she could teleport to him anywhere in this universe considering it was the universe she was currently in, which would make things much easier...

But she hadn’t shown up earlier on that day when the ship had landed on the insect planet. Macrosso or something...

Great, now he was getting worried he would never see them in person. He had lived his whole life not meeting his friends until the game and meeting four stupid human kids he had only started talking to a few stupid days ago was what bothered him...

Right, he needed to get Rose into a pile as soon as possible, or, if they couldn’t meet, get her online for a private chat for a feelings jam. Damn, he was confusing the hell out of himself.

His thoughts refused to stop too, which was making things worse. Why the fuck couldn’t he just...control his stupid brain. Stop it from these utterly mundane and/or stupid thoughts...

He pushed the bowl out of the way and let his head thunk heavily to the table. It hurt a little bit, but fuck it, he needed to stop thinking. It was then that the TARDIS nudged his mind and urged him in the direction of the console room.

Great. Company. Just what he wanted right now.

Sighing to himself, he slowly got up and made his way to where he knew he’d be meeting yet more humans. And even though he was expecting it, considering he had been told they were the parents of River, which he now understood to mean they were biologically related to each other which was really weird, he was still frozen to the spot when he realised he was now in a room with three adults. One of which still hadn’t got his trust and the other two complete strangers.

He was going to die.

Every instinct told him to turn and run away but, once again, he froze to the spot like an idiot. Sollux being blinded by pure white light, Feferi getting her chest blasted out, killing her instantly and Kanaya, oh god Kanaya, bleeding to death on the floor through the hole that was once her stomach invaded his thoughts. Scattered around her the remains of the matriorb that would have hatched their Mothergrub.

It was happening again, it was all just on repeat.

Oh, look, there was the soup he had just eaten now decorating the floor and he was in the TARDIS and Eridan was dead now too, just like everyone else was. Everyone but him. Oh god, oh god, oh man, oh god. He lifted his hands to clutch at his head and closed his eyes. 

“How do you make it stop?! Oh god, please, make it stop!” he shouted, his voice high and shrill, but his thoughts were far too loud and he could barely hear himself over the singular thought thundering around in his brain.

He was alone. Alone. Alone alone alone alone ALONE ALONE ALONE ALONE!

Then the Doctor was in his head, spreading calm and reason and caring. He could feel hands on his face that weren’t his own, and he suddenly remembered that the Doctor told him he was a touch telepath and was so glad of it just then. 

He clung to him, because he could feel that he meant no harm. The calm took hold and soon enough he was able to open his eyes, his mind quiet once again after its little conniption fit. And then he was once again alone with his thoughts, but they stayed down.

“What’s wrong with me?!” he screeched, because fuck his throat. He was much too freaked out to make sure he didn’t clench his throat while talking. It never ended well. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t fully calmed down just yet. God, he needed Rose. 

“Clue me in on this too, Doctor, ‘cause I am lost,” the female voiced out loud, she did look a bit confused.

“Okay, first, introductions. Amy, Rory, this is Karkat. Karkat, Amy and Rory. Second, be quiet, all of you, please.”

Silence fell in the room, except for his whining which he was completely unable to stop no matter how hard he tried. Still, apart from that he was able to calm himself down a bit more when he realised that he was safe. He was safe there, wrapped around the alien adult like a wiggler latching onto a stalagmite. The Doctor was exuding nurturing all over him. 

It helped. It was the next best thing to a moirail. A lusus. Humans called their guardians parents though, so maybe the Doctor was being that instead of a lusus. Whatever, they felt the same.

Soon enough there was silence apart from steady breaths, as he calmed down. He kept himself as close as he could get in the Doctor’s lap though, because he was afraid of the other adults which weren’t giving off the same vibe to him. Not now anyway. 

They were confused and slightly angry. Angry adults were dangerous, but not as much as a confused adult. Confused adults were to be avoided at all times. 

“You feeling any better now?” the Doctor asked, and Karkat could feel the words in his chest as well as heard them with his ears. 

“Yeah. Fuck, I completely freaked out. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise for that, Karkat. You did nothing wrong. Do you know what triggered off the other flashback, because this one I know what did it.”

He paused for a second, before he realised that the Doctor would have seen what he had seen and therefore been able to see what had triggered it. How the fuck was he supposed to stop an automatic response he had?! Damn it.

“I don’t know. I was getting out of the ablution block and looked up. But I have looked up in lots of rooms since that happened and it never did anything. Look, I’m looking up now and nothing is dying in my head because of it.”

There was silence until the other man said something. He squished his face into the Doctors jacket and didn’t catch what it was, but he just...he just couldn’t hear that voice right now. His claws got caught in the fabric.

“Do you want to go back to your room? I don’t think you’re ready for this right now.”

He snorted at that one. “No shit, you think?! And yes, I want to go back to my room...”

Sleeping this off felt like a good idea. He was half asleep as it was, and he refused to do so with those two in the room with him. This day had been so exhausting and he knew he was going to wake up ravenous. He hadn’t kept down one meal.

“Are you asleep?”

He sighed and buried his head deeper into the jacket. “Not yet. I want to be. I’m so fucking tired.”

“I’ll put you to bed then. If you fall asleep on the way to your room, this is just a heads up so you don’t yell at me for being in your room again. I’m not leaving you outside the door on the floor.”

He found this oddly amusing and giggled. “Fine, I won’t yell. Not about that anyway. I’m sure I’ll find something else to yell at you about tomorrow.”

The next words said weren’t directed at him. He was picked up and a hand was behind his knees, the other at his back holding him in a sturdier position. God damn it, his fingers were stuck to the jacket by his claws and he couldn’t get free. He tugged gently and usually it would have been enough to get out of the stupid position he was in, but he had little to no strength left to do much more than move his fingers and hope for the best.

Naturally, it didn’t work. Growling, he began wriggling his fingers around, trying to get whatever they were caught on loose. The inside of this jacket either had something extremely sticky on it, or was made of something incredibly durable to damage. 

Or he really was that damn weak.

“If you keep wriggling around like that, I will drop you. You’re a bit too big to have you in my arms and moving so much.”

Sighing loudly, he stopped trying to free himself and just allowed himself to be carried the rest of the way to his room. “Just so you know,” he stated, before the door was opened, “I am kind of stuck here. What the fuck is the lining of your jacket made of? Spider web? My claws got stuck in it.”

“It’s made of tweed as far as I am aware. Here, I can get you unlatched from me if you stay still. Do you think you can hold your own weight now?”

Frowning, he shifted his weight, trying to gain a sense of whether or not he was up to walking again. His legs no longer felt like they were made of jelly, so it was looking pretty good in that department at least. “I think I can walk now, yeah.”

Karkat was deposited back on the ground and his arms were held up with the way his fingers were caught. They were cramping from their positions and now refused to move at all, but at least he was upright and staying upright. That was an improvement from earlier. 

“God damn it, ow! My fingers are stuck and it fucking hurts!”

The Doctor grinned down at him and slowly lifted one side of his jacket up so he could reach the inside lining. He knew something was wrong when the Doctor’s smile turned to a frown. “Well, there’s the problem, your nails got stuck on the inside of the first layer and didn’t come through to the second. Hold on a second, I will need to feel these out.”

Feel them out? Karkat hissed as his little finger on that side was gently grabbed on the outside and with some careful manipulation so he didn’t lose his claws, the digit was slowly wriggled out of its prison of tweed. All up it took only a short two minutes to free him totally, but his fingers were stiff and sore and now he was in too much physical pain to even think of sleeping. 

Okay, it wasn’t as painful as, say, getting stabbed in the abdomen, but hey, it was still there and would keep him awake.

“Great, thanks. Now go away. I’m going to just lie down and try to relax and I’m not going to be able to do that with an adult hovering over me like an overprotective worried lusus.”

The Doctor gave him a small smile and a nod. “Alright. Should I tell Amy and Rory what happened? They will be staying for at least a week. You should at least try to make an effort to talk to them before they leave. Just...make sure you are calm beforehand. A repeat of today won’t do anyone any good, least of all you.”

Frowning, Karkat thought about that one. They were probably going to find out one way or another anyway and he would prefer to at least know that they know instead of have them asking him questions about what happened. “Can you ask them not to ask me about this? I don’t think I’m ready to tell complete strangers about my life.”

“Sure I will do that. If Amy asks anyway just tell her you won’t answer. Rory won’t. He respects boundaries. He’s a nurse.”

He had absolutely no idea what the fuck a nurse was, but right now he wasn’t really interested. He just wanted to lie down on his bed, read a book and then maybe after his finger muscles relaxed, he would sleep.

Sounded like a damn good plan.

Or at least it did, until he opened the door and entered his block and sitting on the desk, turned off but waiting to be turned on again was his new computing device. All of a sudden it felt like the best thing to do would be to apologise, because holy fuck he had totally lost it on his few remaining friends.

Sighing and clenching his hands into fists and opening them again a few times to try and loosen the muscles, he made his way to the desk, sat on the seat and booted the machine up.

With sore fingers, he opened Trollian, went down the list of greyed out names and came to a halt in the small list of four humans in the troll slum. All of them were greyed out too. This made him both relieved and worried. What if they decided an apology when they were offline wasn’t god enough? What if they rejected him and he would never know it because they never talked to him again? What if they were all dead somewhere and he wouldn’t ever know and it would somehow all be his fault, because everything was his fault and and and...

“God, Vantas, get a fucking hold on yourself.”

Taking a deep breath, he decided to only apologise to Dave while he was off, because he didn’t think that douche ever would speak to him again otherwise, even if he was online.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: HEY.   
CG: I KNOW YOU PROBABLY NEVER WANT TO SEE MY GREY ALL CAPS TEXT EVER AGAIN BUT HERE IT IS ANYWAY.   
CG: UGH, WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HARD?   
CG: I’M THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG THAT EVER LIVED, ALRIGHT?   
CG: I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND BY SIMPLY BEING LATE ONCE, THAT’S HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING ASSHOLE I AM.   
CG: I CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.   
CG: I DIDN’T MEAN TO GO OFF ON YOU LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY ABOUT TEREZI.   
CG: I HAVE NO EXCUSE FOR IT AND REALLY THERE IS NONE.   
CG: I JUST COMPLETELY LOST MY SHIT AND FLIPPED IT ALL OVER YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ONE I COULD HURT THE EASIEST AND GOD I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT.   
CG: IN SOME HORRIBLY DESPICAPLE WAY, I DID THAT BECAUSE I WAS ANGRY AT YOU FOR CHEATING ON HER AND THE STUPID THING WAS I HAD NO REASON TO BE.   
CG: I TOOK A FEW WORDS YOU SAID AND TWISTED THEM SO MUCH IT MADE ME THINK YOU WERE TRYING TO SOLICIT ME IN A PALE WAY.   
CG: TEREZI WAS PALE FOR YOU AND I THOUGHT IT WAS RECIPROCATED.   
CG: I STILL DO THINK THAT.   
CG: I THOUGHT YOU THE WORST PIECE OF HUMAN WASTE SHAT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE FOR EVEN THINKING OF DOING THAT TO HER.    
CG: TEREZI’S HAPPINESS MEANT A LOT TO ME.    
CG: LIKE I SAID, UTTERLY STUPID AND NOT AN EXCUSE.   
CG: THIS IS JUST MY FUCKED UP BRAIN FREAKING OUT ON ME BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT!   
CG: DOING THIS HAS FUCKED ME UP SO MUCH I CAN’T EAT.    
CG: I MEAN THAT LITERALLY TOO, I CAN’T KEEP ANYTHING DOWN RIGHT NOW.    
CG: WHAT MAKES IT WORSE IS NOW THAT I HAVE CALMED DOWN FROM THAT LITTLE EPISODE OF MINE I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I EVEN SAID. I JUST KNOW WHAT SET ME OFF.   
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO OR SAY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER AND I AM BEGINNING TO THINK THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO AND THAT NONE OF YOU WILL EVER WANT TO TALK TO ME AGAIN.   
CG: I DON’T WANT TO EVEN THINK OF THAT, SO I THOUGHT I MAY AS WELL SUCK UP WHAT VERY LITTLE COURAGE I HAVE AND JUST FUCKING APOLOGISE ALREADY.   
CG: AND HEY, I CAN’T EVEN DO THIS RIGHT CAN I?   
CG: I KNOW YOU PROBABLY WON’T BELIEVE ME, BUT IT IS THE TRUTH.   
CG: I, KARKAT VANTAS, OFFICIALLY APOLOGISE TO YOU, DAVE STRIDER, FOR SAYING AND DOING WHATEVER IT WAS I DID DURING A FIT OF BLINDINGLY STUPID RAGE.   
CG: I’M SORRY.   
CG: ...   
CG: SORRY.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

That did nothing but make him feel like an idiot. An inadequate little piece of fucking shit. 

His chest wouldn’t quit aching, so he got up and went back over to his bed. This time he didn’t bury himself under the covers, instead he just flopped himself half heartedly down on the bed and tried to ignore the gentle movements of the bed which would help calm him down.

He deserved every single inch of pain he felt for being the biggest waste of mutant flesh and blood to have ever been made in the history of every universe ever. Being the immature little wiggler he was, he did what he had done the past few days already, or so it felt. 

He cried himself to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry this one took so long! RL has been crazy for me the past few months. Have a boring chapter full of conversation and possible big blocks of text.

Chapter Twelve

Amy and Rory were waiting for him, not so patiently in both cases, to come back from taking Karkat to his room. Amy had her arms crossed, which wasn’t a good sign at all. And that was nothing compared to the angry look Rory threw at him.

“Doctor, what were you thinking bringing a boy that young with you? He’s still a child! Whatever adventure you put him through has him scared out of his mind!”

Holding up his hands he shook his head. “Rory! I haven’t taken him anywhere. Well, alright, that’s a lie, but the one place I did take him he wasn’t outside for longer than 20 minutes and we didn’t run into anything or anyone. He was like this when I found him.”

“Found him?” Amy asked him, frowning at him. Oh, please don’t let her be jealous over this. 

“Yes! He was stuck on a lab which was apparently on a meteor in the middle of void space. It’s amazing the TARDIS got there at all really. It’s actually quite odd and I will have to figure that one out later to be sure, but that isn’t the point and I am rambling. He and 11 of his friends managed to do something which took them out of their universe and they watched the end of their world. After that, one of his friends cracked under the pressure and went on a killing spree. He’s the only one left. From what I understand his partner went insane and Karkat was forced into a kill or be killed situation.”

“Oh god...” Rory said, sitting down and frowning at the glass floor.

“Wow, I thought my life was weird...” Amy stated, going over to hug her husband.

“Like I said, he was already a mess when I found him. And nothing that could happen to him with me will ever compare to what happened to him before. He has lost a lot. That...that hurts a person in ways that you can’t imagine. You may have been through a similar situation, but you not only got everything back, you got more back in return. That will never happen to him, and it will never happen to me. It’s something you have to learn to live with. He’s strong though, a fighter when it comes to his own life. He’ll get there eventually.”

“How long is eventually? Doctor, he’s just a boy, he shouldn’t be going through this at all,” Rory said, and of course he was absolutely right.

“I know. And it is probably one of the reasons he told me to tell you two. He’s...he’s not doing too well today. And it will probably continue on for a while. Everything is a potential trigger for him. He’s had two flashbacks today. He had a panic attack yesterday and he slept through the first day he was on board. I think the shock is now wearing off and he’s being bombarded with bad things right now.”

“Poor kid,” Amy stated, lowering her head to Rory’s shoulder for comfort.

“Do you think he’ll let me talk to him, not to get him to tell me all of what happened to me, but enough to see how he is doing with this? I mean, he’s going to need support and to talk about it and professional help would be a thing if he was human...”

“Rory, he’s only just gotten out of the situation he was in three days ago. He’s not ready to talk about it yet. And he has support. He managed to make some human friends before everything that happened and he’s been chatting to them and he has asked them for help and to try and keep things normal from what I have picked up. Add on his innate distrust of adults and it could be a problem.”

That seemed to have grabbed their attention even further. “What did an adult do to him that makes him distrustful of adults?” Rory asked, hugging Amy even closer to him. 

Before the two had married, Amy had been distrustful of adults herself, but seeing as how her parents in the original timeline disappeared into thin air and never came back or left notice or anything, leaving her with a neglectful aunt that would leave her alone all night, it was understandable. Add on that she also was not believed when she got that obsession with him after he had left her accidentally waiting most of her childhood.

Ooops.

“Oh, nothing bad happened to him or anything from what I gathered. The adults and children of his species are separated because of hostilities. He never ran into an adult before me. His species is aggressive. He isn’t so bad though and made up for that in being loud, obnoxious and he swears a lot. Did I mention the swearing? The TARDIS allows him to as well. No changing words into nonsense or anything, she just lets him swear.”

“Aww, I thought she didn’t like swearing. She’s always censoring me,” Amy said, pouting, but there was a familiar look in her eye that stated she was playing with him, she wasn’t really angry about it, just curious.

“She does hate swearing. Which is why it is so odd she isn’t censoring him.”

They fell into silence. He just didn’t know enough about the Alternian species to have much else to say and Amy and Rory were waiting for more info. Well, things were getting awkward between him and his companions.

Taking a deep breath he plastered on a wide, fake smile and clapped his hands, going to them and putting a hand on each of their shoulders. “So! How has my favourite married couple been doing?”

They shared a look at each other, before glancing back at him. He could see their indecision. “Oh, tell me the two of you aren’t thinking of divorce again. I thought you sorted out your problems and reinstated your love for each other, or however that works for humans.”

Rory shifted and sighed. “We’ve been thinking of adopting.”

A grin broke out on his face. “That’s great news! Why look so glum about it though?”

“We’d have to stop travelling with you, Doctor. We aren’t sure what to do about that right now, because we still like coming with you on wild adventures. Life wouldn’t be the same without it.” Amy said, frowning.

And that was it. That was what they wanted to talk to him about. “Oh come now. Just because you want a child doesn’t mean I can’t see you still. I mean, I am still allowed to visit, right? Don’t I have some kind of son-in-law privileges or something? Family sticks together for the most part on Earth, yeah?”

They smiled at him, relaxed slightly and nodded, both of them together. At least they had realised what their problems were and decided to fix them. Who was he to stay in their way, no matter how much having them stop travelling with him would hurt.

“And it isn’t like I am alone anymore either. I think Karkat has adopted me as his lusus. He keeps comparing me to his guardian anyway. Except, naturally, I’m not a giant crustacean. Hmm, just to be on the safe side, don’t eat crabs or lobster around him.”

Rory looked at him in a way that meant he was trying to figure things out but wasn’t fully succeeding. It was a look over the years he had come to know quite well after that had been said.

“Do you think he will talk to us? We didn’t exactly give a good first impression. Is that going to happen every time he meets a new adult? How badly is this affecting him?”

Frowning he shook his head. “I don’t think he’s that bad off. He met me and accepted my help and didn’t freak out over it. He is very wary though and did yell at me when he realised I went in his room to give him something to eat once only to find him asleep with a book on his chest. I took the book off him and marked his place and turned the light off. He hit the roof when he noted someone had been in his room to do even that. The TARDIS has put a lock on his door so no one can get in without him wanting them to. He also met River later on and he has had no problems with her at all. Quite the opposite really, he didn’t want her to leave when she did. He was really upset about it.”

“So why did we scare him like that? I mean he must have known we’re adults, right?”

“I’m sure he knew that. I did say you were the parents of River, and he understands the concept of parents despite his species being hatched in what would have to be rather large batches.”

Rory’s eyes bugged out at that. “He hatched instead of being born? He doesn’t look too different from us. I’d like to know more of his species, it seems to be interesting.”

“His species is insectoid. I think another reason he may seem grouchy right now besides the two obvious reasons is because he’s close to moulting. He’s drinking a lot right now and he said you’d know when he’s going to moult when he starts eating everything in sight. As to his actual species, I don’t know much about it. Did I already tell you that, I might have already told you.”

Amy walked over to him and hugged his arm, before she grinned up at him. “He’ll be away when he does that moulting thing right? Like, sticking to a wall somewhere or something. And you don’t do well on your own. So, we’ll keep you company until then.”

“I’m fine with that,” Rory stated, smiling at him, before stretching his hands in the air and sighing. “The exercise will probably do me some good.”

Amy laughed and playfully punched her husband on the arm. “What are you talking about, keeping you fit? You spend most of the day running yourself ragged anyway, saving lives at the hospital. I’m the one that needs the exercise.”

The Doctor grinned at the two of them, making googly loving eyes at each other, and was glad that he found good companions to keep him company, because it was probably true. Karkat was probably going to be out of commission for at least a few days when he did start the actual moulting part of the moulting process. He wasn’t sure about the sticking to the walls part. That seemed a bit silly, as Karkat was a bit too humanoid for that. His claws weren’t strong enough to hold him up for that long without breaking.

“I’m going to go check on him, make sure he’s alright.”

With that said the Doctor quickly left the room and made his way down the corridors to Karkat’s room. It only took him a minute to get there, which was a change. Usually the TARDIS tended to make him walk a bit before finding the distinct door. It was the only one with 4 marks on it to identify the owner. 

He knocked softly before trying the handle. He hadn’t heard an answer, so either Karkat was ignoring him, didn’t want to speak, was in some form of trouble or asleep. With the TARDIS being of no help, the only way he was going to find out which one was the problem, was going to be to look for himself.

The door opened which was actually a bit of a surprise given how much Karkat liked his privacy. He immediately had his answer to why there had been no answer. Karkat was snoring loudly. That in itself was a bit odd as the time he found him asleep before he hadn’t been this loud. Sure, the boy tended to make small, soft sleeping sounds like most people did, but he didn’t outright snore. 

Looking around the room, he noticed the computer was once again on, which was good. It probably meant he had apologised and gotten that out in the open. He then turned his attention to the boy and frowned at what he saw.

No wonder Karkat was snoring, his face was squashed into the pillow and his neck at an odd angle, cutting off access to all the air he would otherwise get if he had fallen asleep in a good position. Rolling him onto his side didn’t help as he found that Karkat’s nose was blocked and runny. His open mouthed breathing was causing him to drool onto the pillow and it was obvious that he was upset by the tear tracks drying on his face.

Sighing, the Doctor shook his head, before running his hand through Karkat’s hair. “What am I going to do with you? Karkat? Come on now, wake up for a bit so you can clean your face. You can go to bed again after. You’ll be more comfortable.”

He gave the boy’s shoulder a shake, knowing the small action would have been enough to wake himself up, but it didn’t work on this kid at all. Karkat just kept snoring on. Frowning even harder, he looked around the room until he found a box of tissues on the desk, moved them to the bedside table and gently manoeuvred the boy into an upright position and held him against his chest.

The snoring was much quieter now with more air getting in, which was good, but it didn’t stop him from reaching out and grabbing one of the tissues and wiping at Karkat’s nose. Most of the gunk on his face had dried so didn’t make much of a mess being wiped off. 

The snoring slowly died down to nothing and it was only then Karkat shifted in his arms, leaning his ear closer to his chest, to hear the steady beat of his right heart. The sound seemed to calm the boy down even further, if the relaxation of muscles meant anything. Slowly, making sure not to wake him up, the Doctor lowered him back down to his bed, making sure to turn the pillow around so the dirty side wouldn’t be making a mess of his face.

By the time he had left the room, Karkat was clutching at the non dirty side of the pillow. With a small smile he made his way to the kitchen to get himself some tea. It didn’t take Amy and Rory long to find him there.

“How’s the kid?” Amy asked, pouring out a drink for herself.

“He’s asleep. He’ll be fine soon enough. I think he will be anyway, like I said before.”

“How are you doing? You know, about all this?” Rory asked, and he had honestly never really thought about it. Well, sure, he thought about it all the time, but mainly on how Karkat was doing and never himself and it was really not something he liked to think about.

Except now, of course, thanks to Rory asking.

Sighing, he sat down at the table and took a sip of his already cooling tea. “I don’t really know what to feel. I mean, I’ve had kids before and know what to expect and things like that, but...this is different. He’s not mine for a start. He’s a different species altogether, one I don’t know anything about. He’s angry and lashing out, but he has been betrayed badly by the one person he was supposed to be able to trust above all others. I don’t know what to do, except just take things as they come. In one way, that is comforting because it is normal for my life, but...I don’t think it will be much use to him.”

“You think he’ll be able to go with you? Or will you leave him somewhere to live out his life with people who can look after him properly instead of, you know, living like you do,” Amy asked.

And that was the annoying thing he had been consciously not thinking about, because he had no idea how to answer her. While Rory may know the right way to look after a kid his age that has been traumatised, the species itself was more violent than humans and it may fail. Plus, Karkat had already been betrayed by one person close to him and had started showing signs of trust.

“I don’t think I could just give him away like that. Like with everyone else that finds their way onto my TARDIS, it will have to be his choice if he leaves. I can’t abandon him now, not when he is beginning to see me as someone who won’t leave him. He’s been betrayed enough as it is. Plus, I don’t think he’d have a problem keeping up. He’s fit and knows how to fight. He’d probably be able to give Rory here a run for his money, and Karkat’s only thirteen and doesn’t have thousands of years of experience to fall back on.”

Rory blinked and grinned. “I do have that, don’t I? Maybe it could be used to bond with him. He probably wouldn’t want to lose his ability to fight, so maybe I could spar with him. Maybe teach him to use a few different types of weapons.”

“His main weapon is the sickle. He’s not a farmer as far as I can tell. He has always used it purely as a weapon. Which is odd, because he doesn’t use the fighting kind of sickle but the farming tool. And he’s very good at it if his little show outside meant anything. I gave him access to the gym, so he can practice with it, but a sparring partner might loosen him up and considering you are...very hard to kill these days, he can go all out without worry.”

“And you think it will be a way to get him to vent?”

“And it will be a good way to get him to vent, yes. He might be willing to talk while busy too. So, you can try to see how bad off he’s doing.”

Rory nodded at him, before leaving the kitchen. Amy grinned at him for a few seconds. “He’ll probably enjoy travelling with you. Lots of running around. It’ll probably do him some good. Night Doctor!”

“Night Amy. You two staying in the TARDIS or going back out to your own bed in the house?”

“House. Last night for at least a few days. We always sleep in the bed, you know this.”

“Hah, true. Alright. See you tomorrow then!”

“Yep! See you then.”

And with that he was once again left alone, but this time he and his companions at least had some sort of a plan to go on. And while Rory does his thing, he was going to communicate and try to find a way to find Karkat’s human friends. All he knew right now was that there were four of them and they were on a ship somewhere.

Karkat will definitely need his friends nearby, and by the sounds of his conversation with the kids, they’d need him just as much. 

He hated hearing about children being hurt, especially by violence and war. 

He had a little too much experience with that in the past.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Ok, so it's been, what, 2 years since the last update? I apologise. The first year there were several deaths in my family and I just didn't write for a while. Last year I barely wrote anything at all, as I go through non-writing phases. Worry not, I have been writing all year this year on stories that I am finishing before posting, mostly involving Doctor Who, but a few which are Homestuck placed. And that means that I am back to writing this story! Yay!
> 
> The ending of this chapter is probably way off to the rest of it, because I wrote it way later than the rest and need to get back into the swing of things, but the next chapter is getting started tonight and will mainly involve the Doctor and Rory on the TARDIS.
> 
> It's good to be back to writing and especially to this story.

Chapter Thirteen

Knocking on the door woke him up from a deep, peaceful sleep. The first thing he did was roll over to face away from the door and let the rocking motion of the bed lull him back to a peaceful state of mind.

The knock sounded again just as soon as he was about to go back to sleep and he growled into his pillow at the thought of having the peace he wanted right then being taken away from him. He might as well answer the insistent knocking, because he doubted it was going to go away until he did.

"What?! You just woke me up, let me sleep! I'm tired..."

"Karkat? You've been asleep for 10 hours! It's time for breakfast."

Great, the Doctor was being nosy and telling him what to do. Figures. Still, he was hungry. Very hungry. Stupid thing was he couldn't tell if his hunger was due to having a very empty stomach, or was the start of his moult.

Still, he did need to eat. Preferably a lot of meat. Maybe some fruits. Toast would do in a pinch, but right now he just craved meat. He always craved meat when it was time to moult, so it could be that. Though, with how rare it was for him to have had actual meat to eat on Alternia, because of the price, it was also one he considered a rare comfort food.

"Fuck my life! Ugh, fine, I'll be out. I want meat. Lots of meat. Do you have bacon? I'll have bacon. That's a breakfast meat in this universe, isn't it? The human kids ate it for breakfast anyway."

Getting up, he swayed slightly, and he made a lunge for the wall so he stayed on his feet. His head was making doubles of everything. God, either he was sick, or he was in more need of food than he originally thought.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I just got up too fast. I'm fine, stop worrying over nothing, fuck...stop acting like my lusus."

After a few more seconds his head sorted itself out and he was able to push himself away from the wall and not fall to the floor in a heap. Slowly he walked to the door and opened it. It was only just the Doctor out in the hallway and so he managed to relax quite a bit at noticing that.

"Bacon?"

"And eggs if you want. The two do generally go together."

He thought about that before nodding. He generally just ate the meat, but hey, he'd eat the eggs too. And some fruit, fruit sounded good to him then too, especially apple. He wanted something to crunch. It always helped to eat something crunchy if this was a moulting thing. He still never got the reason why evolution decided to grace them with a protein chute made of chitin. Thankfully, they had sturdy stomachs and the stuff was digested easily enough.

Yet again, their mouths were made of just normal flesh, so it would be a bit hard to not swallow the stuff.

God, why did he have to over think everything? At least this didn't have the power to kill him, like it may have his lusus. His growth may be stunted a bit by all the water loss, but hey, he was short anyway.

He followed the Doctor to the kitchen and frowned deeply when he saw the male human in there cooking the meat. Not his meat, he hoped. Looking closer, he saw that this Rory guy was cooking long cylindrical meat products. What did the humans call them, again? Oh yeah, sausages. He wasn't interested too much in those. It looked too much like eating your own bulge after having it ripped from your body and cooked.

He shifted uneasily from foot to foot and hoped that that thought was just his imagination.

"Toast while we wait?" the Doctor asked him, and he started slightly, but nodded.

"Yeah, toast is fine. I want something different from the orange jam though."

"Didn't like the marmalade? I like it myself!" the Doctor replied, hovering over by the toaster and putting 4 slices in the slots available. Were they all for him? They better be all for him.

"It's orange jam, stop putting ridiculous names to things that could be simpler, god..."

"So says the boy who calls a bathroom an ablution block."

Blinking, he shrugged his shoulders. "I'm a hypocrite. Shut up. I'm not the biggest fan of oranges to begin with. I have no idea why I even wanted it before..." Sighing, he shook his head and got up and walked towards the cupboards he found the jams in the other day. Was that yesterday or the day before? Time was going wonky on him.

"Is this my third or fourth day on this ship?"

"It is the fourth. Losing time? That's not a really good thing."

"It's because I've been sleeping a lot. It's throwing me way off."

Getting down on the floor so he could have a proper look, he rummaged through the cupboard. Why were these on the ground? Shouldn't they be up higher? So many fucking questions and no answers. Well, no good answers anyway.

In the end, he found a blueberry jam. He knew blueberries, he liked blueberries. Living in a communal hive ring, he was used to fruits and vegetables with the occasional fish product brought in by his lusus when he went to the sea to breed and swim.

If he had legally been a rustblood like Aradia or Tavros, he wouldn't have had enough money to even buy the little meat he had bought. Most of their pay had gone towards personal belongings and FLARP gear. They grew their own food to live. Both their psychic abilities also made meat free and easier to get.

He was pretty sure the only true carnivore out of all of them was Nepeta, and she only ate what she caught and killed herself.

God, he really missed his friends if he was getting upset over looking at a jar of fucking jam! At least he wasn't crying this time, just...just really sad and thinking and why couldn't he stop his stupid thoughts from going places he really didn't want them going?

"Karkat? Find something you like?"

Giving his head a little shake, he looked up and took out the jar. "Yeah, I like blueberries. You make them into a jam, that's cool. We had basically grub sauce in my hive and nothing else. I've never really wanted anything different, and now I'm stuck with everything but what I'm used to and this is just stupid and I feel like a fucking idiot and past me is a huge whinging douchebag."

"Ooh, he really can swear in here!" came a sudden and female voice from the doorway, and he quickly swivelled his head to look in her direction. Amy wasn't it? Yeah, he was pretty sure that was her name.

He curled his hand tighter around the jam jar and hunched his shoulders. This jam was his. He would fight to the death for it if he had to. The toaster moving the toast upwards with a popping sound made him raise his head back up and away from the two humans to his now ready food.

If he kept this up, he'd give himself whiplash.

Standing up, he moved over to where the Doctor was, putting his toast on a plate and getting out a knife and fork. Well, it at least stopped him from having to do it later on. He quickly snatched the cutlery and the plate with the food on it out of the Doctor's hands, took it to the table and begun putting copious amounts of what used to be blueberries over them.

It smelled nice, and after a quick taste test, realised that it tasted better than it looked.

Within two minutes his plate was empty and he was being stared at by everyone in the room.

"What?! I'm hungry. Don't stand in the way of me and food right now. You can have the sausages though, those look like you ripped your own bulges off and are eating them, ugh."

"Hah, I have no idea where you found this kid, Doctor, but I like him!"

Karkat stared at the woman and blinked. For a second there she had sounded like River. Well, except for the accent and the different tone, just in the way she spoke. Which was odd. Why was River so different? Wiggler's generally carried on what their ancestors do on Earth too, right? Rose wanted to be a mediculler that works with people's emotions and shit and she said he mother was a scienterrorist. John and his father and his ancestor were all pranksters and two of them loved baking. Dave and those goddamn puppets and the whole ninja thing and Jade loved to explore and hunt, like her lusus and grandpa.

They carried on their ancestor's roles. So why was River an archaeologist while her parents seem to be...well, he didn't even know. The male was a mediculler who looked after the sick but what did Amy do?

He quickly ducked his head back down when everyone else noticed he was staring at her. He face palmed when his stomach began announcing to all, that he was still hungry. "God damn it! Bacon and eggs I was promised. Instead I get toast..."

She laughed and ate her sausages. He watched her jealously. Okay, maybe he would give them a try at one point, just not now.

The Doctor, seeing the look on his face, went off to cook up what he had been promised. The eggs on this ship were tiny, but that was fine, he couldn't eat too much egg. Still, the yolk was orange and not candy red, so he hoped not everything had his fucked up blood colour.

It made him relax. Some things remained the same. Maybe the things that laid the eggs were all bronze and ochre blooded, or maybe they were weird as fuck mutant TARDIS creatures. Either way, he was fine with it. They weren't his colour.

Watching the Doctor cook at least made the time pass faster while Amy and Rory ate. He could at least concentrate on his own food. The bacon looked good. Like home really. He wondered where they were. The TARDIS was parked somewhere, he could feel it.

He wanted to go out and see what similarities there were to his universe and this one.

"Where are we?" he asked the room in general.

Rory rolled his eyes and Amy giggled.

"You are in the kitchen of the TARDIS, but if you mean where is she parked. Currently we are sitting in the Ponds' living room."

He frowned at that. "Living room? What the fuck kind of name is that for a room? Is it like, where you go to live extra long or something?"

"We usually do things like watch movies, play games and that's where we mainly go to sit and entertain guests." Rory answered, finished with his food and getting up to wash his plate.

"Oh! It's your Entertainment Block. Okay. Why do you call it a living room? That's just fucking weird."

Amy looked up at that, the last piece of her own egg disappearing down her gullet. Wait, do humans have gullets? Fuck human anatomy.

"Entertainment block is a good name for it, yeah. Why?"

He shifted in his seat. Amy and Rory were humans. Humans didn't have space travel yet. Or not much of one at least. "I want to go and see. I've only seen the inside of four human houses, and they were all so radically different from each other. I want to go explore one without the use of a computer screen."

"Wait. You've been with the Doctor for half a week and this is the first time you've been to Earth? Wow. Usually you can't keep the Doctor away from our planet. Good job, kid!"

He was getting kind of sick being called kid, but he was beginning to understand that it was just the way Amy spoke and that she didn't mean it in a bad way. Human adults were totally not as bad as troll adults. He was beginning to see that maybe, just maybe, he could learn to trust them.

"Mainly we have been in the vortex. We only went to one planet, with other insect species living on it. Can't remember what it was called though...they are all diurnal anyway. Wait...is it day or night? My sleep cycle is fucked. I can't even tell anymore."

"Early morning. Don't worry; the sun on earth isn't as dangerous as the sun on your own. You'll be fine. If it's too uncomfortable on your eyes, you can always get a pair of sunglasses," the Doctor stated, coming back to the table and put a plate in front of him with two eggs and five slices of bacon.

His mouth immediately began watering at the smell. He was amazed a few minutes later when the eggs were gone that he was not that hungry anymore. Still, he ate two slices of the bacon before he couldn't eat anymore. Well, at least he knew it wasn't yet a moulting thing.

"You going to eat the rest of the bacon or do you want to keep it for later?"

"Later. I shouldn't have eaten the toast. I'm stuffed."

The Doctor patted his shoulder and grinned. "Alright. Not feeling sick?"

He stared. "Why would I feel sick? I'm not even feeling stressed at the moment. Kind of good to have had real food I will hopefully fully digest in me. It feels kind of weird. Can I go look around or am I under hive restrictions."

"Don't break anything. Tell you what? Why don't Amy and Rory give you a tour? That way they can explain things that are different or not invented on your own planet without much trouble."

He would have liked to go exploring the house on his own, but it did belong to two adults and it was totally better to have them know where he was at all times, just in case...he didn't want to get into trouble. He shrugged his shoulders. "Fine, I can live with that."

Rory had been watching him the entire conversation, silent and steady. Either he was going to rage out on him at any time, or he really was that calm. It was kind of freaking him out. He shifted in his seat, pushed it away from the table and got up. He was pleasantly full and had permission to go explore. Hopefully today was a good day and stayed that way. He couldn't take another day like yesterday again. Not in a row.

"One tour coming up! What are the main differences anyway?" Amy asked him, getting up from the table herself.

He grimaced when he remembered the toaster incident and never wanted it repeated. "Um, we name things differently. Or, well, at least the lowbloods did. The Highbloods use the same language usage as you humans. But most stuff on Alternia was organically based. It's mostly the same kind of shit, just different casing and way of working."

"It can be a bit much if you throw things at him, take time to explain things."

Rolling his eyes, he wacked the Doctor on the shoulder. "Yeah thanks for the unpleasant memories I never want to think of ever again. Can I go now? Wait, is it safe for me to go?"

"Safe how? Are you planning something with my house I don't know about?" Amy asked, a look of amusement on her face.

"What? No! In case you hadn't realised this, I'm not exactly human."

Amy shrugged. "Earth's visited by aliens all the time, both good and bad. We're used to it. Well, a lot of people might freak out, but hey, that's their problem. You're a good kid. They'll like you given enough time. Maybe you could make some friends."

He growled under his breath but stated out loud "Stop calling me kid, it's really annoying..."

She grinned at him and shrugged. "Sorry. Old habit of being an adult is calling anyone not an adult or under the magic age of 18, kid."

He scowled deeply at that, hoping a display of teeth would change her mind, regardless of her adult status. "I'm 6. Why the fuck would you wait until I'm 18. I don't even know what my age limits are yet. I might be dead by then, of natural causes and not stupid game law shit."

Amy frowned at him at that, her eyebrows doing this weird thing at the front of her nose. God, does he look like that when he frowned? He had big eyebrows too and by god he wanted nothing to do with that look.

"What do you mean game lore? What game?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's really complicated and I doubt you'd understand even if I told you. I need to change clothes. Be back soon."

He had to get out of that room. He knew that more than anything else right then. He couldn't talk about the game or what it was like or his friends or how he was a doomed offshoot. What he did want to do was go explore a human house and see how different they really were to his own hive. And he had been stuck in these clothes for far too long.

"Black and greys only, you know my size. I don't mind white socks though. Nothing else. I don't want to be hunting for clothes all goddamn day..." he said to the TARDIS, who hummed in his head. He walked out of the kitchen, but still heard Rory asking if he was sane.

Fuck them. The Doctor could tell them he was talking to the TARDIS. Why couldn't they just learn to understand her? She was easy enough to read. He went to his room and hoped to find clothes in there of his size, not that they would for very long, but who cared about that. The wardrobe that had been empty before now had a few changes of clothes. Enough for three days worth of wear. He grinned and patted the wall closest to him, before getting changed. She had been kind enough to give him long sleeved shirts.

He stopped in the ablution block to wash his face before he left his room. He looked lost in the mirror. He wanted to not look lost because that shit made him uglier than he already was.

Shaking his head, he made his way back to the console room, where he knew the others would now be waiting for him. He hoped the human house had water, he was getting thirsty. At least he wasn't hungry any longer and he seemed to be digesting properly. God, he hoped he didn't throw up again.

"Alright, I'm ready now," he stated as he walked into the room, heading straight towards the door outside. Amy joined him, but Rory didn't. For that matter, Rory wasn't even in the room. He didn't bother asking, figuring he'd either already be out in the house, or he'd be elsewhere in the TARDIS. What an adult did with their time was no business of his.

"Rory is staying here for a bit. Something about cleaning his sword...So you're stuck with just me. Come on, I'll show you what an English human house looks like. Well, townhouse anyway. It was our wedding present from the Doctor."

Karkat rolled his eyes but followed her out into what they called the Living Room. Yeah, it looked like an Entertainment Block alright...it looked much different to his, mainly because his hive was wider than the house he was currently in. He could tell that already. He made sure to have the best Entertainment Block he could have as a wiggler.

He started to slowly roam about. The television was of a normal size. He had no idea if they were considered small or large by human standards though. By it was a gaming station that had no game grubs. He stared at it, his head tilting to the side. "How do you play on that thing?" he asked, pointing to the white console.

"Oh! It runs on batteries in the controller and electricity to the console, the games are played by using the movement of your body with the stick and nunchuck. It's called the Wii. You wanna try it later, you can. Just don't throw the controller or nunchuck. They can break."

He shrugged. It interested him and he might give it a go later, but for right now, he was happy looking at everything else. There was a three seater couch. Some bookshelves. The TARDIS in a corner and a fireplace. He never had a fireplace, because he was afraid he'd burn himself or his hive down around his horns. There were pictures on a mantle on top of it.

"Who are they?" he asked, pointing to a picture of two men and a woman.

"Oh, the couple are my mum and dad. The man on his own is Brian, Rory's dad. Brian comes and visits everyone now and then to make sure the plants are watered if we're with the Doctor. My parents have no idea what we do. It's a bit of a mess, but best they don't."

He frowned at that. He knew, of course, what a dad and mum was because of the kids, but this was his first real look at an actual mum and dad. The kids and their guardians were paradox clones so didn't really count.

Amy looked nothing like her dad at all. Her mum was kind of close, but neither of them was just like them. Troll ancestry had never gotten even remotely close to this. No one knew or saw their parents. There was no way of knowing if they were close or not, and as Karkat and his friends were all identical to their ancestors because he made them that way through the paradox slime, he only saw his own image when thinking of his own ancestor.

Humans were different. The female carried the young inside them instead of laying eggs and birthed live young. Amy had been pushed out of that woman at one point and the thought made him squirm.

He did learn something though. Amy was her own person. She looked nothing like either of her parents.

Individual looks were to them as horns and sign were to trolls.

He suddenly felt very naked without his sign on his clothes to mark out who he was. Too bad there was no salvaging his shirt from the meteor...

He shook his head and moved towards the door leading to other rooms of the house. The first thing he encountered was stairs leading up. The kitchen could be spotted from the hallway being on the other side of the house. There was a linen closet under the stairs. His fingers itched to steal the blankets he found in there, but they weren't his. Amy was grinning at him as he ran his hands over one of the plain white sheets, feeling the texture of it. He wanted to curl up and cocoon himself in a blanket pile. He really needed to make that on the ship sometime soon. He needed a pile.

"Your species didn't sleep in beds?" she asked him, seeing his interest in the bedding.

"No. We did have blankets though, but for wrapping ourselves in to keep warm. I lost mine. Really need to find some on the TARDIS. Gonna make a pile of the fucking things and roll in it. Thick ones with a nice feel to them. Sounds like a great idea to me."

She smiled at him. "Pillow and blanket forts are a thing humans do. We just pile pillows in them to roll around on. Made from furniture and pegs and blankets of course. And pillows, lots and lots of pillows. But a big pile of blankets on its own to roll in I suppose could be fun. Can't say I've done that though."

He looked at her with interest for possibly the first time since he met her. Okay, maybe the human race wasn't all stupid, the pillow thing sounded pretty much like a pile, but covered with a blanket wall. He never thought he'd hear something so cool come from a human's mouth. He grinned at her. "Holy shit, your species isn't all hopeless. Pillow piles sound nice too. At least I got something right."

Amy grinned wider at him, and he immediately backed up. He didn't want to be near an adult with so many teeth showing. She looked at him with a small tilt to her head, the smile disappearing into a look of curiosity, or what he thought passed as curious in a human.

"Don't smile like that, or I'll take it the wrong way. I'm still getting used to being around adults. This isn't exactly normal of my species, you know..."

"You don't know any adults other than my family? Ever?"

He shook his head. "I thought the Doctor told you this already. Adults were conscripted at reaching and surviving their first mating season. During conscription, you're given a ship name and a job. You do what you're good at or die. You stay on that ship for the rest of your life. So, no, I had never met an adult before."

"Wow I thought my life was weird when I didn't grow up with adults around. In humans that's a bad thing. Humans tend to smile at one another when they're happy or trying to make others happy. I never really thought that with your sharper teeth it would be taken as a threat. My bad."

Nodding, Karkat looked away from her, closed the door to the linen closet and went to the stairs.

"All that's on the next level is bedrooms and the bathroom. The interesting stuff is mainly here in the living room and the kitchen and dining room. Want a drink or anything? The Doctor said you were drinking a lot."

He nodded. "Yeah, water sounds good. I need a lot of water to make up for what I lost."

She nodded back. "Yeah, the Doctor did mention moulting or something like that. Okay, well, kitchen is down here, come on." And with that, she led him to the other side of the house, where a small table took up a bit of room and the kitchen cabinets and fridge and everything were all in non cramped positions along walls. He spotted the sink and gravitated towards it.

He had turned on the tap for cold water and stuck his head under it, lapping at it with his tongue, before Amy tapped his shoulder with a glass.

"Use this instead. You look like a drowned rat like that. Or a dog. Your hair's getting wet."

He pushed his hair out of his eyes and scowled. Okay, so he was getting his hair wet. He needed to cut it shorter. He hadn't had time during the game and it was starting to go wild. He could barely see his horns anymore.

He'd do that when he was safely back in his room on the TARDIS though.

There wasn't much left in the house to interest him.

He climbed the stairs and took a look at the bedrooms. There were two of them, one that was for Amy and Rory and one for guests. The beds were bigger than his, but lacked the watery movement. Wardrobes for clothes were exactly the same, since neither he nor the humans here had a wardrobifier. He was beginning to suspect those things were a Space thing.

There was another floor, which led up to a storage area to shove things that weren't in use or to be kept hidden away. They called it an attic.

After he was done with his tour, he decided that humans were weird for using electricity for everything. What if it failed? At least with organics you can easily just switch out a dead or dying grub with a younger one still full of life.

Batteries were closer, but still inconvenient. He could breed his own grubs, the humans had to go out of their way to buy more batteries.

He chalked his species up to being the better in power and left it at that.

He wanted to try the Wii, but he wanted to cut his hair first. He also wanted to ask both the adults when they were together if he could have some of the blankets.

He was also beginning to worry if any of the kids had left messages for him after the apology he had sent to Dave.

He really hoped that he hadn't scared them off with his temper.


End file.
